the word of the year

this year's word will be RECORD.

i want to record as much as possible but also break my personal records.

when I think about christmas

the monstrous transformation begins with my eyes becoming bulbous and red. they shine from my skull like brilliant christmas tree ornaments. I sprout a full wreathy beard that flings razor sharp thistles in all directions when I laugh my holly jolly ho ho ho's at everything anyone says. I belch the pitch black smoke of all the cozy fires and my hands become icy claws, like santa's claws. And my lower body becomes a reindeer like a centaur but a reindeer instead of a horse.

Yes. such is the magic of christmas.

the Christmas tree smells extra good this year

I wish I could bottle it and carry it with me.

cut my hair today

I went back to an undercut. I'm happy with it. My mom helped me, dad some too.

I enjoy cutting my own hair. The haircut industry has made us too self conscious about haircuts. Just do it. Cut your own hair. It doesn't matter.

What's anyway mean?

I woke up fine and around the afternoon when I thought I'd be feeling good again I started feeling sicker. Got my booster shot yesterday. 

on such a winter's day

I'm gonna get my covid/flu shot today. I hope I don't get too sick. 

I'll do a good run in harrisonburg before. 

I climbed yesterday and it went decent. I saw a bunch of people I know. I felt a hair weaker than I did before I left. I think it's because I didn't do any finger exercises during the week off. I should see if my ring finger on my left hand feels any better. 

It's very calm out right now. Calm and grey. I have a lot to look forward to in the coming year. I have a lot to be thankful for in the past year.

The challenge may not be so much in getting anywhere but in heading in the right direction. 

Didn't blog as much this year

I was on pace and just stopped completely in December. 

I don't feel too bad because I've been very productive and posting a lot to Instagram instead. 

In 2022 I'd like to make the goal of blogging every day. Even if it's just rating the day on a scale of 1-10.

I got a lot of markers for Christmas and I'm excited to make more stickers.

I also got a DnD book based on clark Ashton smith stories and I'm listening to one now while I draw.

And I had a great 17 mile run in my new shoes. Exhausted since then but it felt good.

 I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in the supernatural. When I was little I would have trouble sleeping because when I closed my eyes I would see witches and horrible monsters. They would sneak into my room and eat me. In the daytime those things wouldn't feel real. They only felt real at night. What was I afraid of? The dark? Being alone? The unknown? Was it an overactive imagination? Was I not in control of my thoughts and how I felt about them? 

In a way it was an exercise to sit with my thoughts and be okay with them. Maybe that's what I got better at. It's not like I got smarter and knew those things couldn't be possible. I always knew they couldn't be possible. They felt real. Maybe I got stronger. Maybe I became more in control of myself and felt more capable. Maybe my imagination got weaker. 

What has changed about a person who isn't afraid of the things he sees in his head when he closes his eyes? What do I think about now? Sometimes I still get scared. Sometimes those feelings come back. Mostly I think about people. Mostly I just sleep. Or I put on a podcast. 

I have the utmost sympathy for anyone who is scared and alone and can't fall asleep at night. I'm sorry. What a feeling. 

And to everyone who is comfortable and safe and warm and cozy in their beds---unacceptable. Awful. How dare you. Have you no humanity? Trash goblin safe in their trash cave. Tiny monster that relishes in hideous behavior. Stinky.

my sister and mom do a lot of word puzzles

 I don't do any of them. I have to come home and rely on raw talent. I'm not out here training every day. And, you know, considering that, I think I do pretty good. I think I hold my own.

here's 7 letters

taiyain

Does that make a word? I don't know. My mom and sister would spend time trying to figure it out. Not me though.

the end.

it's not where you end up

it's who you become on your way to getting there

current projects

almost done with another big drawing on a large piece of wood paneling

have more stickers ready to go

ran a good workout on the charlottesville 10 miler course today

wrote some stories for camp. I might put a bunch of them together for a little book

today was a good day

11/11

 make a wish.

I've been pretty productive the past week despite not blogging much. 

The big event of the weekend is the Richmond 8k. My first and best time on the course was in 2018 when I ran 25:40. It was a bit of a shock to run that fast when I was running a ton of miles and not doing many workouts. Also my races afterwards were pretty lackluster. Anyway, a year later I had a rough go of it and ran like 26:50 on a cold day when I never really felt very good. I had a cold and a minor injury flare up in the weeks before so it was disappointing but not hugely surprising.

Going into this year's race, I think I have a good shot of breaking 26 minutes. The thing about Richmond is that the last mile is a screaming downhill. It's absurd. When I ran 25:40 I came through 4 miles in 21 flat (5:15 mile pace) and ran the last .95 miles in 4:40. About a month ago I ran a 4 mile race on a cross country course in 21:58. So, I think it's pretty reasonable that after a month of good training and switching over the roads, I should be in shape to break 26. 

Regardless of how the race goes, I'm happy with how the Fall has gone. Back in August I felt really speedy and quick over short distances and I thought that would translate to some really exciting workouts later on. Turns out, there are no shortcuts and you need to run really hard workouts to run impressive times. 

To speak in more concrete terms, my benchmark for good good fitness is how much work and how easy can I make 5 minute mile pace feel. Probably my best workout of all time was 5x1600m repeats on the track with about 4 minutes rest between and I started at 5:01 and worked down to 4:51 for the last rep. Or maybe it was 4:53. But I knew I was in great shape and I haven't really matched that workout in about 4 years. But, at the same time, when I ran that workout, I had done a lot of work at 5 minute pace or faster building up to it. Since then, I haven't really attacked that pace the way I did that season. I've tried to get cute by doing things like running a ton of miles, or running a lot at 5:20 pace, or running shorter distances at 800m pace. My goals and training partners have also lacked consistency. Anyway, the plan in December is to do the thing. Really focus on 5 minute mile pace and also doing workouts on the 10 mile course, which is my ultimate goal. 

Again, I don't think this Fall's training has been bad. I'm in good shape and I'm really confident about doing this training so I've set myself up well. I guess I was just a bit over optimistic in thinking that I could hit those peak workouts by focusing on other areas of fitness and then just show up and hit a dinger on the first try. It's gonna take some attempts. But I don't think it's far off.

thats enough rambles for today 

the train rolls by

I love running. I love the feeling of movement. 

it seems like virginia will have a republican governor

 this is terrible. how? how can this be possible?

saw mom on Halloween

thanks for visiting mom :)

I'm glad we can finally agree the news is awful!

also enjoying the delicious apples

good run today

This Fall I've been focusing on the little things and addressing issues that have accumulated over time. I've started taking iron, focusing on speedwork, strength, and lately have been doing a lot of massage and stretching. 

When I started rolling my hips and hamstrings they had so many painful knots. I also hardly ever stretch my calves/achilles and my groin/hip abductors. About 2 weeks of work has them feeling a lot better. Today on my run, after a good rest day, I felt fantastic. I think running a race and having 2 good workouts last week helped a lot too.

Tomorrow I have a hard 16 mile run where I'll go 8 miles out at a moderate pace on a hilly road and then turn around and try to come back much faster. I'm excited. I always tend to have good runs at that spot. Should build more confidence for the Richmond 8k on the 13th.

Then on Friday I'll do 3x 10 minutes on a hilly neighborhood loop with the goal of running comfortably hard and getting a little farther for each 10 minutes. 

The last key workout will be next Tuesday with 10x 1k repeats with 3:30-4 minutes rest. Probably starting at 3:15 per kilometer and looking to finish close to 3:00 by the end. That would be a great last session.

thanks dad

you're the man!

had a dream last night

and in the middle of it I thought, Oh gosh I hope this isn't a dream.

jokes on me. it WAS a dream.

but then there's something in there about being unable to determine dreams from reality. Like how could you prove that one is more real than the other. Especially if you can doubt the validity of both. Obviously one seems to have a more constant frame of reference but...I don't know

good workout today

2x4x800.

first set

2:38, 2:38, 2:34, 2:34

2nd set

2:36, 2:35, 2:36, 2:32.

I feel like I'm still climbing up the hill to really good shape. That's a promising workout for my time doing 800s this fall but it's a long ways off from workouts I've done in previous years.

there are no shortcuts

you gotta start somewhere

what bothers you

https://youtu.be/nBKO0oF1pKg

I really like jpegmafia

I haven't listened to much of his music but in his interviews he seems like a really driven person who loves what he loves and is compelled to make things even if they won't be liked or understood by most. 

All Creatures Great and Small

I really like the parts where the guy gets humbled by the animals. It gave me some perspective this week when a girl I coach unexpectedly reached up and pulled my mask down. 

holed up

all I did today was make art and run. 

it's a good day. I'm in a mood where I want to devote all my time and energy to being the best runner I can be. 

It's a harder feeling to hold onto than I would like. I get distracted. I lose focus. I don't do all the things I could do. And then it comes back. I have a race in a week and then a big race in Richmond in a month. It's time to really focus and work hard. 

And then after that the REAL training begins to try to win the c10m in March. 

my hamstrings are really tight

I'm cheating myself by not massaging them more

me to me in the grocery store

hell yeah. pumpkin bagel season. let's go!

it was a good day

I ran a good track workout. I had a good lift at the gym. I played DnD with my friends. I taped a painting of a ham to the wall of the climbing gym. 

Hard to imagine wanting more. Now it's raining and peaceful. 

I hung out with Michael and Chad

I visited Michael for his 31st birthday. We messed around on a ripstick he bought somehow. We played a bunch of card games. They're my oldest friends and I really enjoyed it. 

I should spend more time with them. I don't know. For a while they seemed like they were really into drinking, not like a crazy amount, a normal amount, but was a lot for me, and they had some other friends who I kinda found annoying and anti-social. But Chad and Michael have always been really kind and friendly to me and maybe I've taken that for granted. I mean, also there was covid and I'm bad about traveling to see people but this weekend was really fun.

Yeah. 

good day today

I did 4x1200m after an all-out 400m in 60 seconds. The 1200s felt really good and effortless. I started at around 5:30 mile pace and worked down to sub 5:20 pace. Really happy with how it felt. Maybe it's the iron. 

reminder to self

don't eat tomatoes like this while driving. messy. 

there's a squirrel in the chimney

rope for squirrel to escape

I ran a good mile today

 I'm in Harrisonburg and I went to the EMU track to run a 1600 time trial. I was pretty sure I could break 5 but there's always a bit of uncertainty when I haven't done it in a while. My workouts have been good but not great and I didn't feel particularly springy on the warm up. But I told myself that's to be expected when I know I'm going to be doing a hard effort. It wasn't as cool as I thought it would be but still no where near the humidity of a few weeks ago. When I got to the track there was another girl who looked like she was an EMU track athlete.

I was doing my warm up stretches when I heard thunder and there were some dark clouds in the distance. The wind was picking up just a little bit but the sun was still really bright. 

Better get this over with soon.

I rushed the warm up since my legs didn't feel particularly good anyway and if started storming then I would have to bail on the whole thing. As I was putting on my spikes there was a particularly loud roll of thunder and I said to the girl who was doing drills on the track, "That doesn't sound good."

She said, "Yeah, I didn't think it was supposed to rain today" with a concerned look on her face. I took two strides that felt okay and then after a bit of walking I went straight into the hard 1600.

The night before I predicted I would run somewhere between 4:57 and 4:51 or so. Anything close or over 5 minutes would have been a sub-par day. During the warm-up I predicted my lap splits would probably be something like 73-75-75-73.

Off the line my legs felt pretty good. I'd been dragging my feet on the warm-up but I had good turnover and bounce once I started in earnest. My breathing was fine coming through the first lap and I was right on 73 pace. Everything was going to plan at that point so I eased up just a bit and let myself come through halfway in about 2:27 or 2:28. I was still feeling good so I decided to surge a little and I could feel that my legs were going to be able to respond. Coming up with 500 to go I told myself to push now and get ready to push even harder for the whole last lap. I came through with one lap to go in 3:41 which means I ran the the third lap in 73. That was a good sign that I was able to get faster on the hardest lap. With one lap to go I told myself to push the whole way but without someone to race or pace off of I don't feel like I really went to the well. I checked with 200 to go and I was at about 4:17 which means I could slow way down on the last 200 and still break 5. I drove reasonably hard down the final stretch, like an 8 or 9 in terms of effort and finished in 4:53. 

I'm pretty happy with it in hindsight. I know it's a long ways off my absolute best but I wasn't far off what I thought I would run on a great day. It's a starting point to be checked off and I know I'll approach the next time trial with more confidence. Another thing I was reminding myself during the warm up was the importance of confidence. I really wasn't feeling very good but I knew (or hoped) if I could act like I was definitely going to break 5 then it would probably go much better.

Anyway, I was breathing pretty hard and walked for about half a lap before jogging a bit and then walking more. I did 2 laps of very slow walking and jogging and decided to do a fast 400 that I thought I would run in about 68 or 67. Previously when I had tried to run all out 400s I could only manage about 68. I felt really good in the first 200m of the 400 and surprised myself by splitting a 31 and feeling like I could still push. I tried to get a little faster and managed a 64.09. That's the fastest 400 I've run in months by several seconds. And only a few minutes after a near all-out mile attempt. It's getting back to the speed I had before the summer when I was doing a lot of really hard track efforts. 

Then I did a 300, 200, and 100 all with walking rest and managed to split 200 in 31 seconds for each of them. So that's kind of where my hard effort speed is right now. The splits were 47, 31, and 15. The storm never really materialized and other than some light rain and a little bit of thunder it passed without incident. 

Maybe that's kind of a weak metaphor for the whole experience. This time trial was an ominous test that if I failed would have been very discouraging going forward. But then, no, it actually went fine and it turns out I am in decent shape. Sometimes the storm just misses you. Or something like that.

Yay for a good run.

i got hungry again :)

I spoiled my appetite

by cramming trail mix in my face the whole drive home from coaching:(

posted late

This app sometimes doesn't let me post so that most recent post was supposed to be yesterday. But anyway, today IS the equinox. 

It was a good day. Climbing practice was fun. My run went really well. I was telling my roommate that even when people know they're taking a placebo (the iron supplement I took yesterday), the placebo effect still happens. And the placebo effect is like crazy powerful. 

I worked on 4 pieces of art today and listened to a lot of The Marías. They're really good. 

It rained a lot and that was nice. 

happy equinox

I think it's the equinox. Let me check. 

Nah. It's tomorrow :/

I prefer it being on the 21st. It's a better day.

Anyway, I had a good workout today. 20x400m. 

Last night I thought about what I want out of life and roughly in order is:

-to create

-to make connections/community 

-to improve/ get stronger

-to have new and interesting experiences

I think I do a pretty good job of that most days. Therefore, I am happy.

My roommate is anemic from all his running.  His ferritin levels are like crazy low and he started taking a supplement. My other friend who runs also has low iron. I probably have low iron. I looked at a lot of the things I eat and most things have like 6%-8% of daily iron per serving size. But that's for a 2000 calorie diet and I think requirements go up for high activity levels. Anyway, it's probably a safe bet that my iron levels are low and the high range is pretty high so I bought the same supplement as my roommate and I'll take it for a month or two and see if I notice any difference. I've also upped my protein intake and that has helped me feel less sore. The biggest thing is always hydration.

So yeah. Good workout. Hopefully I have low iron and then the supplement will help and then I'll start running super good. Either way running is going well!

today was a much needed rest day

 I didn't run or climb or lift or do much of anything except work on some art and a few projects. Mostly I sat around the living room and relaxed. Then I started too feel a little too isolated and restless so I called my parents. It was good to talk to them and catch up. I was getting kinda sad and moody from lack of interaction I think. But it was good! And then I did laundry and got groceries and was productive. Thanks Mom and Dad.

my friend chris on youtube!

https://youtu.be/PX3DvmYsjB0

my friend chris started making videos. they are really good and do a great job of describing what hanging out with her is like. tons o fun!

I realized that

at no point in the last post did I specify that I went to the dentist. 

I guess the context could be assumed. 

perfect teeth boiiii

they said i was a perfect teeth boiiiiii

I've been really into Toots and Maytals

 Pressure Drop and 54-46. Bangers. I whittle to them. I'm whittling a bird. I love whittling birds.

a tree just fell

a tree in my backyard just fell in my neighbors driveway. luckily she decided to park her car on the street, which she normally never does. crazy. The tree wasn't too big and very dead so I sawed off the part that fell over the fence and moved it. That was fun. 

whoa!

I didn't think I'd gone that long without blogging. Anyway, I didn't up making the tomato sauce but I DID eat all but one of the tomatoes raw. And they were delicious. 

AND I ate my one baby tomato that grew on my plant. It was delicious. 

This has been my tomato update.

this cucumber is so good

my mom gave me this cucumber and I took a bite out of it and said, out loud, uncontrollably, "oh man."

I'm sitting on the couch

but I want to go upstairs and lie down but I can't because I have clothes in the wash and they're almost done. my feet smell BAD

salt dissolves in water

what is it trying to hide??

the whole ocean is one giant cover up.

it goes all the way to the top. sea level.

on some roustabout energy today

roustabout energy is when you feel tall

Flexor Digitorum Profundis

I only got one question. Are you flexor digitorum profundis or are you flexor digitorum SUPERFICIALis?

I hate neoliberal gym bros

get out of here. this is a climbing gym weight room. the only discourse I wanna hear is feelings and beta.

it's impossible

to unannounce me.

once I'm announced, that's it. game over.

look at me

getting excited about eating my little protein bar. 

what an athlete. 

somebody went peepee on top of the hike I did

and I put my hand in it.

disgraceful. 

here comes the boy

 I'm not on tiktok but it created here comes the boy and I will always be grateful for that

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khyRyFQ5S7c

I switched my keyboard from qwerty

to azerty. I don't know why. My phone just let me. I'm making do many mistakes now lololol

I just took the best mid day nap of all time

that's it. that's the post.

pleachers

 The fingernails on my right hand are getting pretty long. I should probably cut them after writing this. The left hand is okay though. But I should probably cut those nails too just so my hands aren't on different schedules. What a hassle that would be. 

Whenever I climb and my hands won't hold on to tiny holds anymore I say, "looks like my fingers are all out of grip juice." And today I was running in thin shoes and my calves started getting tight and I thought, "looks like my calves are all out of bounce juice." And in general I try to be a good person and be kind to people but sometimes my brain is all out of...thoughtful juice.

A thing I like about camp is I feel like people appreciate my presence. Maybe that's a really pretentious way of saying that. I'm not trying to say that I found it annoying when people don't appreciate my presence. Like, I totally get it. You do not have to buy what I'm selling. But, it is nice when people like having you around for being yourself. Or even getting to be a heightened version of yourself. That feels nice. 

Today I was running on a high school track during school hours and when I first got there there was a gym class on the track so I kinda hung out for a little and stretched and luckily they headed back inside really quick so I thought I could sneak on between periods and get in some quick 100s. I was starting the 4th 100 when the next class came out and normally the kids in this situation all yell and make fun of me and the adults ask me to leave because it's school hours but this time was different! I finished up the 100s and I went by the class who was walking laps and the teacher was like, "what races do you run?" And I said I was a distance runner. And he said he liked my sprints and the kids were like "can you flex your quads?" and they asked me if I was in high school and I said I was 30 and they were like "whoa". 

And I was like, "I thought you were going to kick me off the track." And the teacher was like, yeah, I'm supposed to but I'm in a good mood because it's Friday. 

That felt really good.

really beautiful video

I love the way Joel puts words to things that are hard to talk about while still showing his emotions. 

https://youtu.be/yxNVatSyyuk

Gotta Bunch of Extreme Tornado Warnings last night

 That was fun. Nothing happened though. A lot of lightning and thunder.

We're gonna have fun with training today and run an 800m time trial. The goal is to break 2:20. I'd like to run the first lap between 68 and 70 seconds and then see how hard I can close. Which will probably not be very hard. But that's okay for the first outing. 

One of my favorite shows of all time is the Eric Andre show and they started doing this thing around the 3rd season or maybe they've always done it but the host, Eric Andre, drastically changes his appearance between seasons. So like for one season he never went outside, never washed, never cut his hair or fingernails. He was this pale, smelly, dirty, gross person. 

And then for the next season he got a spray tan, shaved himself bald, gained a lot of weight, wore a bright white suit. A complete 180. I think that's pretty funny. 

I'm thinking I'll do something similar for camp next season. I'll have really short hair and stop shaving my legs but grow out my facial hair. It will be a totally masculine Andy. We'll see. My facial hair is...lacking.

I Hope That's Enough

I'll never get over how beautiful this pool is.

I love driving my truck

I love drawing and listening to music. I love climbing and oatmeal. I love the warm weather. 

There are some really good narrow edges on the entry way to the kitchen and sometimes when I'm cooking dinner I'll just hang on them and pull on them. I want to get really strong fingers. 

Season 3 of Camp is Done

 It was a really successful summer. I helped lead two week long overnight trips into areas I've never been before. I'm really proud of how the trips went and the campers we brought and the counselors I worked with. I think I was still able to bring a lot of new energy and ideas to camp even though it was my 3rd year. It's been great to begin to watch kids grow up at camp and take on new roles. It's definitely the most fulfilling and meaningful thing I do in the year. 

Today I feel like I started the off season off right by sleeping in, working on a lot of art and whittling and having a really good run. I want to continue to be intentional and use every day to work towards my goals. I feel fortunate to once again be in a position where I have the money saved and job security to have some down time in the Fall. It kinda seems like I'm being unproductive or not doing as much as I could professionally but I really believe that making myself available to camp and continuing to develop this program is going to pay off down the road. I feel really fortunate to know what I want to do with my life and have the ability to do it and be good at it. 

It's time to get back into running. I'm not out of shape. I'd say I'm getting in shape to get in shape. I've been spending a lot of time in the gym this summer and I would've guessed that I would've added at least a couple of pounds of muscle but I just weighed myself after running in the heat and I'm still only 130 pounds. That seems really low but also I'm definitely down a couple of pounds of water weight. Anyway, the quest to get bigger continues. Every year around this time I think I've figured out the breakthrough thing that's gonna propel me to new heights and every year it's kind of a bust but I feel good about this one! Weight lifting is fun at the very least :P

CIT missions

We have junior counselors at camp and they're almost always great people who have been at camp for a long time and are great to have around but they don't often know how to interact with kids or how to be productive in a camp setting. They'll default to hanging out with each other or picking one kid and spending time with them. 

So my idea to give them guidance would be to come up with weekly missions or challenges that would be a fun way to give them some instruction. We'll see.

we made thrones today

I'm tired of being skinny.

 I want to have muscles.

By June of 2022 I will have rock climber muscles.

So says me. Andy.

loveletter to camp

I often say things like, "I hate school" or "School is bad" or "I love camp" and "Camp is the only thing people really need". And people don't usually have too strong of a reaction. They might laugh nervously because "Oh Andy loves camp so of course he hates school haha he's just like a kid."

But I'm serious. I really mean it. School is bad and camp is something that teaches you how to live a meaningful life and be in a community and be in the world and not hate yourself and everyone and everything around you. 

School doesn't prepare you for that. Oh but well how will people learn things? How will society run? We all know that an overwhelming majority of what we learn in school is not relevant in everyday life. I went to teacher school. I was trained to be a teacher. I was told in a class that our model of education is based on the idea that you go to school to learn skills that make you marketable to companies. It's the human capital model. That's it. Education makes workers more efficient and productive. That's the model. The first time I learned this I thought it was ridiculous and it has only become more ridiculous as I've gotten older. My worth as a human being isn't dependent on my efficiency and productivity. I'm a person with thoughts and feelings who wants to make meaningful connections to the people around me. That's why people like camp. Because it emphasizes those things and makes people feel human. 

I really truly believe that in all the silliness and chaos and fun of the summer, some really important work is going on. Identities are being shaped. Everyone is building a narrative about who they are and what the world is and what the relationship between the two is. And I'd like to think that at it's best, camp celebrates you for being you and being a part of a community. We take whatever we get and we make it work as best we can. 

We're outside. We're moving around. We're in the water and in the sun and the woods. We're talking and making and building and playing. I guess at some point some very serious and dour people came along and said that none of these things matter and that only serious things matter and the way we know things are important is because we don't want to do them and we make ourselves do them. School values compliance. And, to be sure, camp values compliance as well to the degree that things stay organized and safe but there's no one telling you that what you take away from camp is right or wrong or better or worse than what anyone else takes away from camp. Whatever experience you create and share in is what you get. And that's life. Sorta.

day of nothing

feels good to have a day of doing very little

doing well

I haven't posted in a while but I'm doing really well. Summer is going great. I just spent a week in dolly sods west Virginia. it was a blast. 

I'll write more after camp winds down. 

stuck in a rainstorm

sitting in the car

waiting for the storm to let up a bit

before rushing inside

always reminds me of mom

Staying Busy

 I went to Wegman's at 10PM last night to buy groceries. I also did my laundry late at night. It's kind of nice to do some chores late on Saturday. The neighbors were being loud and playing music and setting off fireworks. It's some rowdy college boys who moved into a renovated house two doors over. They're obnoxious. At least they confine it to weekends. I don't mind it too much when I can sleep in anyway.

Yesterday I did some painting and carving. I have a lemon with an eye on it, a caterpillar, a weird abstract fisherperson, and a stylized claw looking thing that I found in the guard shack at camp and sanded. 

I'm thinking about getting back on craigslist free stuff and trying to make some trades but I think even more than that I'd like to find a place to put these in the world. I've been seeing a lot of painted rocks and things around town and I really like those. Maybe that's a better option. 

I had a good climb yesterday. I worked on a bunch of little projects that I knew I could get but for whatever reason hadn't been getting until yesterday. That felt good. The gym was also really empty which I prefer. I think I need to try harder things. Sometimes I feel like I'm not progressing but that's really because I never even attempt harder problems. I still challenge myself but it's on grades that I know I can usually get. Not that grades really matter. Grades might actually be a poor measure of improvement because they're subjective and if you're doing a lot of different climbs at V4 for a while and not doing many V5's it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't improving. You're learning a lot of different movements and styles at the V4 level. 

My squash plant is not looking great :/ I think it might not be getting enough water? It's hard when it's really hot and sunny for days on end and I'm only home for a little bit. The other plants look good though. Cucumber plant is really thriving. 

I'm doing good. 

girl got picked up by her grandfather at camp

I was walking by and she said,

"He's gonna pick us up today! His name is Paw Paw!"

And I said, "Hey! My grandpa is named Paw Paw too!"

what a coincidence 

the plants

a bit

there's this counselor who looks like me and the kids always get us mixed up so I proposed we invent characters who we have to do when the kids call us by the wrong name and my character says

"WHO DARES SUMMON CRABBY?"

a spell I prepared for an activity

The nasty cries of a vile hog

with a flaming sun's burning heat.

Some sweaty goblins rancid gas

and the fury of a thousand yeets!

a crusty crab

and a cringy dab

something icky you shall grab

and you have to go put your hand in the toilet! nerd!

8th bit

bit of the day

me and crabby tied rope headbands around our heads and then tied those together and then walked around speaking in unison. 

my nam is tim

my nam is tim

and wen its early 

or wen I'm in

an awful hurry

to rouse mine eyes

make my senses keen

I take the mug

I drink the bean

climbing team

I've helped coach a climbing team since February and yesterday I was telling a kid on the team how people are always surprised when they see the faces of radio personalities. Then we talked about how everyone on the team has known each other for months but only with masks on. So we did some mask face reveals and the kids were in shock at my face. 

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED LIKE!"

two bits today

bit of the day. June 1

fart spray.

kid found fart spray in the woods. immediately ran around spraying it on everyone and everything. I didn't even interrupt. I couldn't stop it. I had to let fart spray play out to its natural conclusion. fart spray.

a kid did this bit today

We had grilled chicken wraps for lunch and a kid said he was gluten free and we didn't have an option for him and he said, oh it's okay I can have a little, I'm not allergic. And we were like, okay, sorry about that, here you go. And he said, thanks it's fine. 

And then as he's walking away he quietly says, time to die. 

I'll try this one out this summer

I'm gonna start cataloging all the great bits I come up with.

most of them are used on children. 

I'm gonna see how long of a streak I can get with at least one bit per day.

it's a constant game of

through sleep and proper hydration,  I can do great things. 

if you get the questions right

you win a junie b jones book.

if you get the questions wrong, you get the green paper of shame taped to you

Another Day of Living

I spend too much time scrolling and looking at stuff. I think if I write more I'll spend more time in that head space.

My sister sent a link to the video Bat Fight by Will Ferrell and it felt like eating real food instead of junk food. Maybe that's an absurd comparison but it's a genuinely funny and well made song. And it's completely ridiculous but it felt different compared to tiny tiny short videos or comics or whatever you get scrolling on Instagram or YouTube. 

So anyway okay I'm gonna try to stay writing again. 

a fox just ran right past me

like not 10 feet from me.

sitting out here on the stoop because my roommate earlier walked into the dining room where I was sitting and proceeded to drop an entire container of almonds on to the floor right next to me and go "sorry!" and it triggered my fight or flight response and I came out here to blog and relax. 

so yeah fox. fox is running by. fox friend. 

It was the full moon on my birthday

It's almost a full moon again. I would like to be more aware of the moon. I spend too much time looking at a screen. It's destroying my eyes and brain. 

One time when I was little my mom said that sitting too close to the TV was bad for my eyes and I said, "no mom I have special eyes"

And then for whatever reason that was a core memory.

I might be misrembering the next part but I think shortly after that my eyes did start hurting and maybe the important realization was like, "whoa. dang. I DON'T have special eyes."

all I can do

is try to be true to myself. 

and that is to play. like I really believe in the power of play. A lot of what we do we don't call play but it is. It's playing. It's spontaneously adopting a set of rules and ideas and exploring them to be expressive and create connection. What is more important than that? What doesn't fall within that category in some way or another?

flagstone update

I'm gonna start soaking the ground whenever I water the plants and see if stuff will grow inbetween the rocks.

Also, yard veggies are doing very well. They've all grown a lot. You can tell which ones are getting the most and least sun but they all look healthy.

Had a really good workout yesterday

I ran with Tripp at Charlottesville High School.

3 sets of 4 x400. 60 seconds standing rest between reps.

76, 74, 74, 74. easy.

3 min walk.

72, 70, 72, 71. a little harder but not too bad.

5 min walk. switch to spikes.

68, 67, 68, 65.04.

spicy! wow! very running!

flagstone

We've got a big dirt patch in our front hard. I think because of run off from the stoop or the top of the house. I'm not sure. But no one lives in the house next door and they have a big pile of flagstone they tore up at some point and it's just sitting there in the front yard not being used. So I took some rocks and brought it over to our dirt spot and tried to fill it in some. 

It looks okay. It doesn't look any worse than a big ugly bald spot of dirt. My hope is that over time the stone will sink in a bit. And then I'd like to add maybe some more decorative rocks or fill it in. And maybe having the rocks there will allow more plants or moss to take hold. 

We'll see. This has been stealing from your neighbors home improvement with Andy

running felt good

Somehow I've come to associate running with not feeling good. Today my legs felt really good. And it wasn't like I was really rested. I've been on my feet a lot. I did a hard workout yesterday. I felt tired before the run. 

So that tells me that putting in a lot of fast work helps my legs feel good and not doing that stuff makes me stale. Also staying hydrated and eating protein. And running at the end of the day instead of the morning. I think my body is in a much better place at that time. So those are some principles I'm always in the process of remembering and forgetting. But today felt good. And running was really enjoyable. And I'm thankful for that.

I learned something today!

 I learned, that the weird looking bulb thing I found outside my doorstep way back in the fall and have been caring for a in pot until recently is...an onion.

Which, admittedly, was pretty obvious. But I don't know nothing. So I looked it up and found that onions like 6 hours of direct sunlight. So I moved the onion from the shady backyard to the sunny front yard and hopefully it will fair a bit better. I'm not expecting anything. It's a miracle to me that it's not completely dead by this point. 

I don't really want anything out of any of my plants. I just like watching them grow. That part is pretty neat. And if I do a good job and get something out of them, that's cool too.

Also my mom helped me plant 4 tomatoes and a cucumber and a squash plant yesterday! Very exciting. 

It's my mom's birthday!

 happy birthday mom! I will see you tomorrow but I want to write today that you are really great and every year I am more thankful that you are my mom. I really look up to you as someone who is strong and caring and always learning and growing. For many reasons, both obvious and not as obvious, I wouldn't be who I am without you. 

happy birthday!

feeling tired this week

I think it was the long run on Monday. Nothing good ever comes from the Monday long run. 

And I just had two drinks at a friend's get together that night. I really can't drink anymore. It put me in a sour mood for about two days. 

Anyway, I'm still excited to run workouts. But easy running is starting to feel like a chore. I think I need to be patient and listen to my body. Sometimes if I don't feel good for a few days I jump to big decisions like

oh maybe I don't want to take running so seriously anymore 

or

maybe I should just take two weeks off

But I think if I take my time and do what feels right I'll be okay.

my plant is going to flower soon

I'm excited. 

life really do be crazy sometimes. 

I ran 14 miles this morning

We got down to low 6 minute miles. I think I'm going to be exhausted later. Have to remember to hydrate. 

go out there to be aware

I was talking to Todd about the mission statement and language/pitch around the leadership/outdoors adventure camps we're running and I thought of a story from last year that sums up the goals pretty well.

Near a reservoir is a drainage tunnel that runs under the interstate. It's about 200m long and it's completely dark. It's an eerie experience to go through. You don't really have any bearings or points of reference. I've probably already written about it. But anyway we take the kids through there because it's a unique thing. Usually what happens is people get a little scared or nervous and so they talk or make noise or try to be funny, or, worst of all, scream or try to grab someone to mask their own fear. And so, instead of having these cool, unique experience, all you are able to focus on is how annoying this person is being. It's like all the attention is on them and their actions. Which is rude and crappy. 

So that relates to the goals of this camp in two ways. One, we want to get people out in nature, on trails, on rivers, in these environments they may not have been in. If you've never really spent time in the woods it can feel like this dark scary tunnel with no points of reference. There's a lot of unknowns. And so we want to get kids to see that and try out some unexplored areas and see what's possible in that new space. 

And then secondly, we want to learn to do that in a way that doesn't ruin the experience for ourselves and others by drawing attention to ourselves. Learning how to go through the tunnel quietly. Learning how to hike or kayak or camp in a way that doesn't ruin the area for future visitors. And maybe that seems really basic but you'd be surprised at some gaps in knowledge that people have. 

And then we do other stuff too but I think that's how I would best sum it up. 

sky of green

chicken wing chicken wing

hot dog and bologna 

chicken and macaroni

chilling with my homies

some beautiful rock

Drove out to a rock that is apparently climbable. Stronger folks than I.

I love Wednesdays because they're like a little weekend in the middle of my week. 

went on an adventure today

there's nothing more freeing than moving around outside

on my 30th birthday

I feel wealthy. I have all that I need.

my first statement as a 30 years old

 Junie B Jones books are awesome.

windy day today

we have some kites in a closet at afterschool that we never use and it was very windy today and my coworker suggested we have the kids try them. 

kite flying is extremely underrated. it's a fantastic past time. it truly is. I hate the wind. Kite flying makes me not hate it. 

I tried to explain to the kids how to do it and almost none of them got it and gave up. One girl stuck around and figured it out and that was pretty awesome. 

I'm going to do more kite flying this spring. 

two bluejays in the yard

pecking the world apart

crashing squealing squawking swooping

chaos raining corvid party

two bluejays in the yard

weren't trying very hard

til a big commotion riled em

feather plucked love struck fracas riot

Thoughts from the Weekend

 - thinking about Paw Paw and missing him. I would tell him that I'm doing well and I'm thankful for him.

-thinking about this kid in afterschool who one of my coworkers casually remarked, "he needs to be medicated". And she's not wrong. In the school environment he is in, he absolutely would do better with medication. It was really easy for me to agree with him in that moment. Yeah, he should be medicated. His behaviors are really frustrating at times. At the same time, why is it okay to medicate a child to make them fall in line with a completely made-up, arbitrary system? It's messed up. This kid has talents and abilities and things that make him unique and he gets medicated so he can fit into this system that I think everyone agrees to some extent is flawed. Why not make changes? 

-I ran 200 meters in under 28 seconds yesterday! I ran 27.64. That's been a goal for a while so I'm really happy about that. I should go run now.

I finished a drawing I'm pretty happy with

 

stoop sit

A man just drove by in a very large truck. 

I think I've been growing a daffodil or some kind of bulb plant in a pot for the past 6 months. 

People with plants should have plant playdates.

I hate the phrase play date.

The man with the truck is loudly throwing lawn chairs from the back of his truck into a large empty dumpster. 

The colors of spring really are a sight to behold. 

The other day at afterschool we were coloring and a boy said, 

"Mr. Andy who's the best colorer here?"

And I said, "Well, Cam, you probably want me to say you are, don't you?"

And he paused and said quietly "... yeah"

So I told him he's the best kindergarten colorer I've ever seen. There's some big egos about coloring at our afterschool and I didn't want to cause a scandal. 

I'm watching a woodpecker outside on a tree

 the tree is dead

the woodpecker is looking for a good spot

it climbed all the way to the top of the dead tree and called twice and then flew away

yesterday some kids in the woods started peeling bark off a tree. I'm not sure how they peeled so much bark off. It was coming off pretty easily. I told them to stop and that it was bad for the tree and they stopped. I feel bad for the tree. I feel bad that I exposed to the tree to the threat of children. 

I tell myself that maybe they didn't know that would hurt the tree. And maybe they learned that they shouldn't do that because they had that experience. I think we always have to hold the big picture in mind and not focus too much on individual actions that feel more personal and potent in our minds. Ecosystems aren't exactly being threatened by the actions of rowdy children. Maybe if these kids are exposed to the woods at a young age and have some good memories of being in there, they'll grow up to be the kinds of people who appreciate having those spaces. 

I'm really enjoying the colors of spring this year. I feel like I'm really noticing.

I should go work on the book for a bit

that would be a responsible thing to do. 

I don't feel much pressure

I like knowing who I am

I've got poison ivy

today I brought the kids outside

and I had just given them a big speech about how we would do orderly transitions and not be chaotic

and I round a corner and a boy is walking away from a tree and he sees me and goes

"oh! tell everyone to watch out! we just released a wolf spider. tell them to stay away. "

And he immediately goes back to the tree and points directly at the wolf spider we were all supposed to avoid. 

So now all the kids are crowded around and I say

"hey if you didn't want us to bother this spider why are you showing us where it is??"

kids be like that. 

I can't wait for the summer

I'm glad for about 6 months of warmer weather. 

people say magic is the power of your personality to influence the world around you. I think that's true. 

I love camp

I'm loving this spring break camp and I wish it could go right into summer. It's just a better way to live life. 

Happy to be alive and be doing this. 

somebody outside is working

it's 4:35 AM

they're using some kind of impact wrench

DRILL clink DRILL clink DRILL clink 

i wonder what they're doing

i wonder when they woke up today

the pollen in the air has stuffed up my nostrils

a some vehicle on the train tracks outside my window has whirred to life

the body is wild

in the span of 48 hours to go from being in great shape, to struggling to get out of bed, to being able to run 5 miles comfortably is pretty crazy.

scab on my mole

yesterday I wore the pajamas I slept in Friday night but today I woke up and changed clothes and noticed a small scab on the large mole I've always had near my belly button. I must have scraped it when I was climbing on Friday and not noticed until now. But I made the mistake of googling "scab on mole" and all the results were CANCER. 

But I looked at the pictures and my mole is definitely a healthy mole and it's not like the whole thing has scabbed over. it's definitely just a scrape from climbing. 

So, after recovering from the vaccine, that's my health scare for the day. 

the second moderna shot

messed me up!

I haven't felt this bad in years. what a trip. glad I timed it well over the weekend at least. 

reminder to myself

have a sense of purpose and be the best version of myself that I can be

I want to start on another project

need to finish this book first though.

I will work on it tonight.

mom's daffodils

me at 1pm

me: gotta go to work. future me can fold and put away this laundry. thanks, future me. I owe you one. 

me at 10 pm

boy I sure am ready to sleep. 

walks in and sees large bag of laundry on bed. 

- dang it, past me.. >:(

when you start the day

in harrisonburg and then drive to Charlottesville and run, you feel like you've already done a whole day by noon. 

in the words of starman

let all the children boogie 

why is it not miss swiss?

The Familiar Weight of a Stressful Day at Work

It was rainy today and so we couldn't go outside and the kids were stuck in school all day and I had to do way too much talking and leading and the energy was all bad and the flow was just not there. I hate covid. I hate it so much. I hate how it just freaking eclipses everything you could possibly want to do. It's terrible.

Anyway, I knew that I would be a little rusty and need some time to learn how to be a teacher again and handle the chaos so I'm glad for days like today where I get to learn and examine what I did and how I could've done better. Gotta stay sharp. 

bummy

shortest day of the year, Pi Day, 1 year covid

This time a year ago I knew I wasn't going back to work on Monday. I don't think I knew the entire school year would be scrapped. I definitely didn't know that it would be March 2021 when I would be back at afterschool. 

Currently we have very few kids but even fewer staff. A lot of schools barely have coverage at all. Other than the kids who are great, it's a bit of a mess. It's hard to tell if things will stabilize or completely collapse at this point. Broadly speaking. I'm not worried personally. But Thursday we lost a teacher who had to go cover at a school with only one person. Everyone is spread super thin. We'll see what happens. 

ridiculous pants

back at afterschool

driving to work I was upset about the idea of returning to the school. A lot of the adults I work with really upset me and when I only interact with them it bums me out. But today I got to see the kids and they are a really good group. A lot of calm personalities and pretty respectful on the whole. It should be a good spring. I don't know if I'll return. Maybe as a fall back plan. I'd prefer to stay involved with my camp or do more with climbing. 

We'll see. The future feels very open. Point is, it was good to see the kids. Felt very natural right away. 

It was 70 degrees and I ran shirtless on trails

what a great gift from the world. 

green

I'm so tired

was busy all day. did so many things. a welcome change of pace. 

plant revived

I got this plant at afterschool about 2 years ago and after accidentally killing its brother I planted this one by the side of my current house in the summer, not expecting it to live.

Around October I walked past it and saw it was in really rough shape but still alive and decided to bring it inside and give it a chance. Two of the same plants also sprouted up in my spider plant pots and I transfered them to this pot, really not expecting anything.

Flash forward to now and after finding a sunny spot and learning how to properly water them they're doing so well!!! Their leaves are huge compared to where they were and they're all growing so fast. I think they might start flowering soon as well. Makes me happy that they made it through the winter better than ever :)

yellow flowers by the abandoned house next door

my microwaveable chick peas curry

splattered in the microwave. 

But I cleaned it up with paper towels. 

It's spicy curry. A tasty treat for my tired self. 

I woke up at 5:30

To see a text I got at 2 saying the person I needed for my lifeguard certification course can't make it because they've been exposed to someone who tested positive for the vid. The class was at 8am.

I drove to the class in the rain to see if there was anything they could do or if I could just take the sections not requiring a rescue. Nothing they could do. So here I am back at home at 8:53. Oh well. 

It's nice having the house to myself

 it's a lot quieter and I feel a lot less stressed.

will be better when the weather breaks

2/21 doodle

doodle and thoughts on a workout tomorrow

Mierj

 Oh my constables. If I don't catch these batty billings by the pound, it's gonna be a hot one in the greasy greasy. Saints alive. Put up my propaganda questions on a string. If you thought it wasn't twice as much, guess a friend! Chains chains chains chains chains. You go down to the county office and effigy as much as I have and you can better believe it they're gonna give you $500 to instigate a yellow light down by the pharmacy. The point I'm trying to make is, cooking rice in your pasta water doesn't summon beyblade demons any more than the placebo.

love this song

https://youtu.be/hMc8naeeSS8

pretty good

my friend Jessica read some poems on Instagram live today. She also performs songs sometimes. They're really good. It just seemed like a really special moment for her to be reading poems to about 4 or 5 people that were written during some of these historic times that we're living through. it felt like something that will be truly unique to now. to this moment. And the future will only have descriptions of it to go by. And their own unique moments. Poetry is cool

It's Been 11 months and a day since I had my last regular day of work

 If you imagined a spectrum with one end being "People Whose Lives Were Made Significantly Worse from covid" and the other being, "People Whose Lives Significantly Improved From covid (not the virus itself, but restrictions and lockdowns and stuff)" I think I fall somewhere on the improved side of the spectrum. There were some benefits of my life going in a totally different direction. 

I've already written about this several times but I couldn't think of anything to start with.

I did a really good 10 mile run today, averaging under 6 minutes per mile. It's been some time since I've done that on my own. I did two loops of a 5 mile course I use for tempos. I was happy because normally just doing the 5 miles feels like a significant workout so to be able to double that in pretty good but not ideal conditions felt really good.

I should eat and work on the book.

Running Training

 Running a 4 mile race tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it. I'm not super confident in my fitness and I've been having some trouble running hard in cold weather but I reminded myself this morning that the only way to get better at racing is to run races. I'm going to give it my all and be better for it. I also signed up for an 8k in a month because I need to hold myself accountable. 

Training for the Next Month

Lifting- Focus on deadlifts, squats, lunges on workout days. Wednesday and Saturday.

Track Speed- work on 200m-400m speed on non-workout days when legs are feeling sharp. focus on Quality with long rest. possible 600m, 1k, mile time hard efforts as well. go by feeling. 

    goals- 26 second 200m. sub 60 400. sub 2:50 1k. sub 4:45 1600.

Feb 7th-13th

Wednesday- 80-90 minutes moderate with hill sprints. (double for a big volume day?). big lift also.

Saturday- 8x1600 with 400m recovery. 5:32-5:26. lift after.

14th- 20th

Wednesday- Big Fartlek

Saturday- 12 miles at 6 min avg

21st-27th

Wednesday- probably repeat of 8x400, hard 1600, 4x600.

Saturday- moderate long run.

Feb 28th- March 6- Rest week before Race on the 7th 

Things I really want to focus on are running tough in workouts, increasing muscular power/strength, mixing in comfortably hard efforts.

fly me to the moon

 

 I like this picture

return to afterschool?

I'm unsure.

PROS:

I really need to get out of the house more and have positive interactions.

money

I really like the afterschool kids

I think it's only 3 or 4 days a week

CONS

covid is gonna make everything weird and bad. 

I don't know how much longer i see myself working at afterschool. the appeal has always been that it's a role with more freedom but last year I had a decent amount of negative experiences that weren't headed in a positive direction and I think covid restrictions are really gonna limit what is possible. 

And I can work with covid restrictions. I can work within a framework, obviously. But it's all about who your working with and what they prioritize. 

The nice thing about afterschool is it always ends up being what it's gonna be.

I don't know. I'll probably go back. 

roommate update

he played his mandolin badly for 30 minutes while I was trying to afternoon nap and now that he's done he's stomping around the house and farting loudly 😭😭😭

send gme to the moon

It's been really fun to watch wallstreet bets on the attempted short squeeze on Gamestop the past few days.  I think what I like most about it is just being interested in something and learning new things. It's fun to read a lot of different articles and sources and see who is saying what and why. It's fun to learn a bunch of new terms that explain what is going on. 

One thing I've learned is there's a lot of bad writing floating around. Really unsound arguments get thrown out just for the sake of making noise. On the more "pop" trendy side of journalism you get a lot of lazy metaphors and narratives that don't really hold any water but fit the tone of what the publication and its audience expects.

Then in the more technical and "conservative" (not like crazy political conservative but like...reserved conservative) you get articles where a lot of official terms and numbers and figures are thrown out without much in depth explanation. For example, X means this and now I'm going to heave a ton of info that I know is over your head at you and I'm not going to explain it to make me seem smart and you seem dumb so you'll have to agree. It's pretty obvious when you see it. A lot of bluster that's only tangentially related to anything if you take the time to dig into it. It's just as bad as the lazy pop journalism. 

Anyway, it's fun to learn and be interested in something and talk about it with people.

Final take for now: it's not a David and Goliath story. It's not class warfare. The rich will be fine. But I'd like to think it's not just a bubble either. And a good outcome would be that these stupid, arrogant hedgefunds that put downward pressure on failing companies for a quick buck get punished. I think anyone who says short selling is "just the way it" or "helps the market run more efficiently" without acknowledging the overall scumminess of the system as it is, is propping up something that isn't sound to begin with. We know the financial system only benefits the few without adding value to society, I don't think that's a controversial opinion, and short selling is a symptom of that. I found one guy who I think kind of agrees and he sounds smart.

I NEED TO SHOWER

the weight

I think going back to afterschool would really improve my mood and energy. Today I signed another unpaid absence thing and got a text about returning to work if the county went to stage 4. Currently the county is in stage one and they say they are going to evaluate stages on a week to week basis. Who knows. 

It would be good to get back to that routine and have those interactions. 

the view from here

drill king

what brings me up to zero in the morning?

well, it's always cold and there's never any sun. 

so it's the three C's

carbs

coffee

C-funny tiktoks

You are my sunshine

is a beautiful song. I looked into its origins. 

you know how they make curly fries curly?

curly potatoes.

yup. they're related.

Today is January 14th

I'm at my parent's house. Joe Biden will be sworn into office on January 20, 2021. Walter Kronkrite once laughed at the notion of Joe Biden being president. 

The coronavirus is set to kill over 4000 people a day for the next 3 weeks. 92,000 deaths in three weeks. People in power still aren't taking it seriously. Regular people still aren't taking it seriously. This is the danger of people not accepting facts as facts. Is this over-tolerance?

Is this people who are in charge and have power not caring what happens? Some of them must benefit from misinformation and distrust. It makes it difficult for people to organize. To know what's happening to the world and why. I hate these clowns that knowingly spread lies and hatred and vitriol and confusion.

We can't treat a public health crisis, we can't help average folks, we can't have an election or a peaceful transfer of power without fear of violence and insurrection. It's insane. Cops are killing unarmed black people in broad daylight on their own front yard. It's absurd. This ridiculous delusion of white supremacy and unchecked greed.

Strange days. Hopefully this is something real. This is a real set of circumstances with real outcomes and we can't just go on allowing multiple versions of facts to coexist when one or more exist for the express purpose of keeping the powerful in power at the expense of everyone else and the planet. 

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of lies and people being okay with it. I do think most people get it and want the right things to happen. We don't want the planet to be destroyed. We want to be better for ourselves and our communities. 

I don't know. I hope we can do better.

The Other Night

I heard one random tone when I was in bed. It was like a single random beep from outside and it immediately made me think of a song. But an instrumental song I couldn't think of the words to. Anyway, after minimal YouTube searching, I was very quickly recommended Alice DJ's Better Off Alone.

Now, I've been having this problem for at least 15 years of being alive and having internet access. And this is the first time, searching has quickly lead me to the solution. But it was a little too good this time. I'm suspicious.

break down the fit for this morning

task: workout at keene

weather: 28-30F

equipment:

colorado avalanche beanie: +3 cold resist, +1 hair control

ON running jacket: +2 cold resist, +1 style

costco long T: +2 cold resist

wal mart compression T: +1 cold resist, -1 mobility

MBT tights: +2 cold resist,  -1 mobility

target runderwear: +2 cold resist

teko socks: +1 cold resist,  thin

ON cloud flash: +2 speed,  +1 strength

casio watch: +1 insight

erin is lead pharm tech

SHE'S GOT ALL THE RIGHT DRUGS

FOR ALL THE RIGHT PATIENTS!

OH YEAH WE'RE FILLING THEM

ALL THE RIGHT PILLS

IN ALL THE RIGHT DOSES

OH YEAH WE'RE FILLING THEM

EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE TAKING

Excited for a Workout Tomorrow

I took a week to focus on easy short running and also lifting to allow myself to recover a little bit. I felt way too tired about a week ago.

I have cycles of being really productive and full of energy and then something about my routine will change and it feels like it takes me a week or so to get back to feeling motivated and productive. Today was a productive motivated day.

Donald Trump has been permanently banned from Twitter

it happened while I was with Julie.

I've had periods where I've checked his Twitter a lot. This is all so bizarre. All of it. Surreal. 

I saw Julie today

we got smoothies. julie is my friend and I like talking to her.

also the owl is back! she (the owl) must have read how impressed I was with her and has returned to hoot more!

such an excellent time. 

wise words

https://youtu.be/AnuZIaTAHik

Remember when that owl was hooting outside my window?

It was full-on

hoot hoot hoo hoo hoo! hoo hoo!

You know? Like, exactly what you'd expect a murderous night bird to sound like.

truly awesome.

I think a train is going to go by soon.

0 days without cutting myself while whittling

It was only a small cut on my finger. It stopped bleeding really fast. I do need to always wear my gloves though. Making this post to see how long I can go without cutting myself again. 

trust rest

I'm working on trusting my body when it seems to want to rest. If I lie down or don't feel like doing something I have a lot of negative emotions attached to that. I've spent a lot of time fighting that feeling and pushing through but that is probably not healthy. But, just because I have a later start to my day than normal doesn't mean I'm going to waste my whole day. 

there's an owl

hooting outside my window right now!!!

awesome!!!!!

my roommate

is the loudest person. he does everything loud. 

at the same time, I am a silent goblin who sits up in his tower complaining about the existence of any and all noise. 

so there's blame to go around.

a conversation I overheard while running

two middle aged women behind a hotel on a smoke break

1st woman: well, I have a smart watch.

2nd woman: I don't need a smart watch I need a small one.

1st woman: you need a small watch?

And then I ran out of earshot.