the little crab visits me

 the little crab

but a sad italian boy

he knocks on my door

his face is distraught

tears smeared across his face section

"Andy! Andy! O! It is terrible

I read your blog about grass and whether moving is any good.

I go to streets to hear what the people have to say.

The people

they say nothing.

I ask,

'Do you think moving is any good?'

They look at me like I am crazy.

Yours is a wind that does not blow the leaves upon the trees."

I say

"Now now dear crab.

The wind that blows the leaves upon the trees reeks of bird vomit.

But see the wind that moves the clouds?

Far away. Unknowable. Unfelt.

But moving all the same."

The crab say,

"Oh! Now I understand. Yours is the wind that blows the clouds!"

I say,

"No. No. No not at all. I'm like one of those little fans bus drivers have that just blow on them."

you ever think about what it's like to be grass

 you just stay in one spot all day

with your buds

so much stuff doesn't move around

all I'm saying is

I'm not sold on moving around

it could be a mistake

let's just see how it all plays out

I'm not a gambling man by nature but this was forced on me

by my own parents no less

the 20 rib eyes for $39 truck

 this is true.

from my window, I have seen a large box truck driving around and adorned on its side in massive letters is 20 RIB EYES FOR $39 with pictures of said rib eye steaks.

people love to comment on videos of caves and cavers "this is optional btw"

as if optional things didn't give life purpose

as if a life bereft of optional things is worth living at all

well it sure is awful dangerous

WOE!

Woe unto the man that lives his life out of necessity and safety for he is not a man at all but a worm and an insult to wormkind at that!

I salute you 20 rib eyes for $39 truck

not only for your value

but for your value

the axiom of the universe

because it can it must

because it can it must

one of these days

but never 

two of these days

or

three of these days

or

four of these days

Fermat's Last Theorem states that are no three positive integers x, y, and z that satisfy the equation x^n + y^n = z^n for any integer value of n greater than 2.

In other words, the Pythagorean Theorem, a^2 + b^2 = c^2 doesn't apply to higher exponent numbers. There is no way to make a^3 + b^3 = c^3.

In Goodstein's Only Theorem, there is no number n (greater than 1) that makes the phrase n of these days make sense.

3-5 business days

 I don't like that term. 

Oh it'll take 3 to 5 business days.

It'll take 7 to 10 business days.

Business.

What a wretched enterprise.

No act as deplorable as business should deserve the distinction of its own brand of days.

Say you what you really mean-

NOT WEEKENDS!

It'll arrive in 3 to 5 days NOT WEEKENDS.

Don't count the weekends!

3 to 80 days days not counting weekends.

Oh but business days is more efficient phrasing.

As if I, Shmandy, would be moved by the devil's slippery logic of the tongue.

ha ha

 you guys ever think about the sunset?

where does it go?

the only way

the only way we could ever find out

is if we got a really fast horse

like so fast

the fastest horse

in the world

the whole entire earth fastest horse 

ever

and chased the sun beyond the horizon

then we'd just ask the horse

things I'll remember from today

 hearing the cat-themed parody of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit, Smells Like Cat Litter

drill a hole in a little rock with a different little rock

we hiked to this waterfall and if you climb up the waterfall there's other pools and things and this boy I was with wanted to keep following the river and find the source and I also feel that same urge to just follow a trail or river and see where it goes

I made up this french character who was visiting American summer camp and the kids didn't like the accent and found it annoying