quit bending your knee

 I run with a squishy knee. I bend my leg a lot when I run. I want to fix it. If I do nothing else this year I will fix my bent knee. I will do it.

some kids smashed the bus door windows with rocks

 I saw them in the back of the parking lot near the bus and so I kinda took the long way around to go home and the second I was out of sight I heard a loud sound so I turned around and walked up and said 'hey that's our bus. I just heard a loud noise. What's going on?' Not in an aggressive way. Just trying to be straight forward about it. When I went around the side of the bus to see where they'd smashed the windows they ran off. 

Pretty unfortunate. Kids being stupid. It happens. I'm not really mad at them. They threw rocks at other windows and mirrors too but the only ones they managed to break were the passenger door windows. I suppose it could've been worse. I had been nervous about leaving the bus there and in the back of my head I was worried someone would come along and mess with it. I don't know if it's better that it happened and ultimately wasn't that bad or if I'm more nervous that they might come back or that it could happen again. I don't know what I'd feel if it happened again. Defeated, I guess. 

I will say though, my friends at the gym helped me clean up the glass and we taped up the windows and parked the bus in the corner so the broken side isn't as much of an issue. And my friend got a picture of the kids. I called the police but I'm not expecting anything to come from it. I don't know. Stuff happens I guess. I think it's better to not read too much into it. You fix it up and keep going. 

It means a lot that people were there to help me. I felt supported when I really needed support. 

history of April Fool's

 Originally every month began with a 'Fool's'. But over time people began to tire of it and they relegated the Fools to a single day in April when everyone is generally in a good mood on account of spring time. 

Terrible. Just terrible. Bring back a Fools day at the beginning of every month!

And! Another thing. It wasn't always about pranks. It was just about being foolish. The prank thing was also a negative PR campaign to make the holiday seem more annoying than it actually is. 

Oh what's a fool do? Yeah, they just lie. They just make stuff up to trick you.

No. That's not what a fool does. You see, they took the holiday about being a fool and they made it into one where you unwittingly become the fool. And you hate it because of course you do. One must willingly become the fool.

I'm beginning my campaign to reclaim April Fool's Day. 

Pete Holmes Silly Silly Fun Boy

 q-tips bit: delightful. wonderful

shoes off bit: divided the room and divided me. I like how he had fun with it but didn't land with me. I think you should take your shoes off. The ending was strong though. Gotta give him that.

"I ate ants. The insects. Not lady-uncles."

scorpion bit: 

"I can't have my last meal be ants!"

13th floor: Not my favorite. I thought the scorpion bit was still going.

phone bit: meh

office bit: OOO was funny

I'm pretty sure he did the dad phone bit when Crab and I saw him live.

Boston bit: good story. I like the Boston fantasy accent

Parent bit: I liked it. funny voice. 

Carousel bit: funny

Last words: IT SHOULD BE YOU!

"I kept yelling I'm okay but no one was checking."

closer: fun and sweet in a Pete Holmes way

Overall: I liked it! Very well put together. He's good at what he does.

if I was a god

 Me, personally, if I was a god...I would think it's really fun when people try to tempt fate by invoking my name. I would find that humorous. And then yeah maybe if I was in a bad mood one time I would make it come true. Just to let em know. Just to keep them on their toes. But usually I would ignore it and just laugh. 

And so I think you should tempt fate. That's cosmically funny. 

I still need to watch the Pete Holmes special crab recommended

 I still need to watch it. I will. I will watch it. Tomorrow actually. And I will post my thoughts. Here!

And! I'll say this.

What if every night before you went to sleep, like your last moment of consciousness every time, without fail, a little bug would appear in your mind's eye and say 'ben'. And you would call it the Ben Bug. Every time. But only at night, when you're actually going to bed to sleep. Not for a nap. And if you wake up early it doesn't happen again. And sometimes if you're hovering between awake and sleep it can glitch and you'll get this extended 'beeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnn'. Would your life be different in any meaningful way if that was true? For you only? 

I've got an idea for a restaurant

 It'll serve food. And the whole gimmick is that we say "We can eat as much or little as you want!"

And all the portions will be regular portions. It's a regular restaurant in every way. But all the marketing is about how much choice you have.

"You can eat the whole plateaor just eat a couple bites!"

"If your first order isn't filling enough you can order more food and we'll give it you!"

"Heck, you can eat none of your first order and we'll still make you a second order."

We just really want people to appreciate how much freedom they have at this restaurant. We don't make you eat food you don't want to eat that you pay for. 

And we also don't tell you what order to eat it in. Guess what! You can drink as much or as little of your drink as you want too!

Your choices matter. And we will do everything to not get in the way of those choices.