I have a link to them and I've started watching them and I really want to watch them but I have this really strong feeling that I'm going to cry if I watch them. Not that I'm sad. I just get too sentimental about them. In a similar way to how I cry watching sports where someone is trying really hard.
But I do want to watch them.
I found this video of my sixteenth birthday and immediately I seem obnoxious. Like an unpleasant person to be around. It's gross. If I could go back in time I'd say 'stop being a butt.'
But I'm going to try to watch this with compassion.
I'm sorry, Erin. I'm so sorry.
I don't know it's so hard to watch because I have this sarcastic attitude like I'm not enjoying any of it but I know I'm embarrassed and uncomfortable with my emotions.
I'm burping. Oh jeez. This is terrible.
I called my sister and apologized.
I also apologize to Maw Maw and Paw Paw.
A heartfelt thanks to my wonderful Mom for recording this moment. In all seriousness. It gives me a lot of empathy and understanding for giving a teenage child space to be a turd and try to figure out all their stuff. It's tough.
I probably would've learned a lot about myself sooner if I'd watched that clip.
