beuatiful found poetry in the bodo's parking lot

 

God is with us

God can you help me

do good at golf Amen

thank you for family

without worms there would be no flowers

 without leaves there would be no leafblowers

what good is it to cultivate an affect where you watch life as if it was hot sand poured into your eyes

what good is it to scream into a horn while buried in the ground

I could go along as a bird does. Sitting in a tree and chirping and singing, with a wide field of vision and moving my head in jerky robotic motions as if fixated on a tiny bug between blades of grass

would it mean so much to try to live honestly? could I do anything different even if I tried?

there are no secrets. everything is on display always. the speed of a bat's wing. a dance overheard. the swirl and turn and pivot of warm evening air.

I can go on this way as long as I please. As long as this way to go on pleases me. 

breaths counted out. languish and bloom languish and bloom languish and bloom.

Fruition is not derived from the word 'fruit'. It's from the Latin fruit to enjoy or use.

it's always the calves, man

 Still trying to get my knee better. Today I had better range of motion and I decided to go to the gym even though I can't do too much and I had a minor 'ah HA!' moment when I went over to the stairs to stretch my calves and felt a lot of tightness in my left calf and then after stretching it out I could almost immediately bend my knee more so that was a good discovery. Today was a lot better than the previous days and I should have suspected the calves sooner. I was doing heavy weighted calf raises with a barbell and I jumped the weight up too heavy too soon. It all makes sense.

Dang. I felt like I had about a week or so where I was really firing on all cylinders and doing so much and then got hit with a one-two punch of wrist hurt and knee hurt and I was really in shambles for a few days. Feels like this keeps happening this year. Oh well. Getting back on track now I think. Ever forward.

I don't like when I can't pursue my goals

being hurt is no fun. but I'm still pursuing my goals. even if I'm taking some steps back. I'm still pursuing my goals. 

knee is acting up

 I've had some bad luck this spring with missing training. Coaching, sickness, and now my knee is swelling up. I don't think I did anything to seriously injure it, it just came on the last few days and seems like it wants to linger for a bit. No pain. It's just swollen and doesn't want to bend all the way. This happened a couple times in high school and college and then it would disappear and I never knew why. Still frustrating though.

All the little red mites are out. They're on every surface. They're everywhere. All the little red mites.

you guys think the future is determined?

 I'm not sure. On the one hand it's like,

Of course the future is determined. The architecture of it is all laid out. Time is an unfolding event based on the start position from the Big Bang. You'd be a daggone fool to think your limited perception of time and reality has any bearing on what will or won't happen. It's an illusion of the ego.

But on the other hand,

Even if the future is determined, that determination is still unknowable. And so the events themselves don't really matter as much as your anticipation of them. The future is undetermined in the sense that you don't know what you're going to think or feel about it. 

Which I think speaks to the point that you can also point at larger truths and that can provide useful context but at the end of the day you're you in your body. 

thoughts on bees and trees

 From sitting outside drinking coffee:

If any other bug or animal got as close to you as bees and stinging insects did, you'd just swat them away. You wouldn't even think about it. You'd be like 'get away. rude.' But because of that deeply ingrained threat of violence you just kinda freeze up and wait for them to leave. Maybe some people still swat at them. I've seen that. Seems silly to me though. What if they sting you?

There's something there about the threat of violence and closeness that I don't want to explore.

But I'll say this. The bee or yellow jacket or whatever doesn't want to sting you. I don't think. I think they're curious. I think they started from curiosity. And then that aggressive curiosity eventually necessitated a retaliatory threat. 

And maybe there's something there too about curiosity and violence. 

I don't know. I don't have the answers. I'm a guy trying to be on screens less and sitting in a chair. A guy who scrunched his face up when a yellow jacket gave him a once over.

And then, later, I thought "If you didn't know about wind you would think that trees can move like that on their own and that would be wild."

'Helloooooooooooooo thereeeeeeeeeeee. I'm a treeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Hiiiiiiiiiiiii'