here's something that I feel needs addressing

 1- sounds the same as 'won'. perfect. 

2- sounds the same as 'too' and 'to'. awesome. surely the next number will feature even more homophones!

3- is its own unique word?! maybe equates to 'free' or 'tree' given the accent? ok fine. I guess we aren't doing number homophones anymore. 

4- 'for' AND 'fore'. 

And then NONE of the other numbers mean anything else. 

just kidding!

8 and ate!

I don't like homophones. We should do something about it. There's no reason for wildly different meanings to be mapped to the same sounds. It's not like we ran out. Make em different. Surely we can unite in this effort.

Some are okay. Some can stay. Like the word 'can'. But not 'some' and 'sum'. Or 'but' and 'butt'. Or 'not' and 'knot'. Or 'or' and 'oar'

you gotta spend money to eat money

 phrase for grocery store

it's only fun when I do it

 I really like the phrase 'blasted plain'.

Which is me misremembering the line 'blasted heath' from Macbeth.

So I typed 'blasted plain shakespeare' into Google and the AI correctly identified that the phrase blasted heath occurs in Macbeth BUT THEN

it completely hallucinated a line containing 'blasted plain' in John Milton's Paradise Lost. It just mashed together a bunch of different lines from Paradise Lost and then made its own to seem right.

And I feel like now is the time that something has to be done about this.

As an English Major, if someone misremembers a line from Shakespeare and types in 'blasted plain shakespeare' and they are handed an utterly fabricated section of Milton's Paradise Lost, the very underpinnings of society are in jeopardy!

now I've seen just how bad things can get

it sickens and horrifies me

how could we let this happen

it's only fun when I misremembering lines from classic literature and make up things about them that aren't true. THAT'S WHAT HUMANS ARE FOR! THAT'S WHAT MY COLLEGE EDUCATION WAS ALL ABOUT! 

stand down robots

what was the other stuff that rises in the sun also rises?

 bread?

breadcatcher

 a reimagining of Catcher in the Rye by someone who read it once 12 years ago. Holding Cauliflower escapes from his wretched boarding school and is pursued by the relentless breadcatcher. Holding seeks to destabilize the portal between the human world and the duck world by using a mind control technique wherein he labels someone a 'phony' and they must do his bidding. The closer the breadcatcher gets to Holding the more he realizes that he is only being drawn further and further into the web of Holding's mindless drones. 

Edited poem from 12 years ago today

 It was the most awful ship

to ever set sail.

A butt for a leg

and a head for a tail.

Waves crashed and churned,

sick of the nonsense.

The Ocean rebuked 

a boat with a conscience.

Made all wrong. Made all wrong.

but set out regardless.

A prow for a mast-

how could you be so heartless?

And then Heartless from 808's & Heartbreak plays and this kind of sloppily crafted multi-person costume of crudely formed cardboard emerges from the stage as the lights go down and the stage is bathed in red light and I throw Dixie cups of water from a table I've wheeled out from the other end of the stage at the boat-beast as it blindly thrashes about.

the opposite of sparkling is DARKLING

 now tell me that's not the silliest thing you've heard all day