Have you ever seen a video where someone leaves some candy or food for an ant to discover and the ant gets really excited and goes back to the colony to tell all the other ants about the food and when the ant comes back to it the human has taken the food away? And then usually the voice over is something like "they'll never believe you. hahahaha. they'll never believe you."

Well I have. And I like to think of myself as an ant in relation to the larger world and yesterday I lost my favorite quarter zip that I like for running and working out when it's colder and I looked all over my apartment and then I went to the track with the slightest bit of hope that I could had left it there over a week ago or something. I was not confident that it would still be there. In the corner of the track was a garment that looked just like mine from a distance but up close it wasn't it. So I gave up and went about my business and then I happened to look at the top of the stairs and see another long sleeve shirt looking thing and it was mine! Wow. What a happy ant I was. In both small and large undeniable ways you are at the mercy of forces beyond your control and you gotta celebrate victories when you can.

I know that laugh

 The other week I was at my friend's softball game and these sisters whose mom was playing were running around and playing chase or tag or whatever. And the other older sister was trying to catch the younger sister and the younger one ran past her and just barely got out of the way at full speed and she did this kind of maniacal laugh like "wahahahaha!" 

And I know that laugh. That is the you can't catch me laugh at full speed. I've done that laugh. That's like a universal laugh. 

rating how appropriate it is to state your mental or physical state out loud

"I'm hungry"- this one is pretty appropriate. but it loses its effectiveness and appropriateness the more you repeat it. also, letting people know that you're hungry is a good way to give context to any other behaviors or feelings you might be having. so that's pretty good.

"I'm full of murderous rage and intent."- this one is not very appropriate. if you're full of murderous rage and intent you should probably say something more socially acceptable like "I'm hungry" and then in a very quiet voice, "--for murder"

why is my sister going to czechia?

 because my sister's husband's sister's husband's sister's husband lives there. and is rich.

button experiments

 I don't like button experiments. Things like 'oh if everyone in the world had to make a private vote and if over 50% of people pressed the blue button then everyone survives but if under 50% of people press the blue button only the people who pressed the red button survive.' 

I don't like it. It feels like it tries to get at some sort of truth about human nature or morality by treating people as brains floating in jars. You're not. You're in a body in the world. I don't think it's insignificant to throw that out. It's such a crazy construction that it almost scorns the body and the physical world. 

One time when I worked at the therapeutic boarding this kid was really upset and he wanted to talk to the headmaster of the school and go into his office and the support counselor told him 'no. you won't do that. I am bigger than you and I will stop you.' And then he just physically stopped him for like 10 minutes until the kid gave up. 

And I'm not saying that reason or logic is inconsequential in the face of physical strength or violence but that your body informs your thinking about yourself and the world. 

Imagine. Imagine some Johnny Baskethands trying to tell you about the nature of napkin holders but he never actually put napkins in them.

'Well, if we assume--'

Put the napkins in the napkin holder!

I don't know. And then almost always thinkers and philosophers you had something to say about humanity had a notable relationship with their body. 

And I'm also not saying that to have a valid opinion on something you have to have any specific kind of body or meet any standard of health or anything to have something worthwhile to say. I just think the value of any results that assume everyone is virtually a brain in a jar don't amount to much.

beuatiful found poetry in the bodo's parking lot

 

God is with us

God can you help me

do good at golf Amen

thank you for family

without worms there would be no flowers

 without leaves there would be no leafblowers

what good is it to cultivate an affect where you watch life as if it was hot sand poured into your eyes

what good is it to scream into a horn while buried in the ground

I could go along as a bird does. Sitting in a tree and chirping and singing, with a wide field of vision and moving my head in jerky robotic motions as if fixated on a tiny bug between blades of grass

would it mean so much to try to live honestly? could I do anything different even if I tried?

there are no secrets. everything is on display always. the speed of a bat's wing. a dance overheard. the swirl and turn and pivot of warm evening air.

I can go on this way as long as I please. As long as this way to go on pleases me. 

breaths counted out. languish and bloom languish and bloom languish and bloom.

Fruition is not derived from the word 'fruit'. It's from the Latin fruit to enjoy or use.