you gotta spend money to eat money

 phrase for grocery store

it's only fun when I do it

 I really like the phrase 'blasted plain'.

Which is me misremembering the line 'blasted heath' from Macbeth.

So I typed 'blasted plain shakespeare' into Google and the AI correctly identified that the phrase blasted heath occurs in Macbeth BUT THEN

it completely hallucinated a line containing 'blasted plain' in John Milton's Paradise Lost. It just mashed together a bunch of different lines from Paradise Lost and then made its own to seem right.

And I feel like now is the time that something has to be done about this.

As an English Major, if someone misremembers a line from Shakespeare and types in 'blasted plain shakespeare' and they are handed an utterly fabricated section of Milton's Paradise Lost, the very underpinnings of society are in jeopardy!

now I've seen just how bad things can get

it sickens and horrifies me

how could we let this happen

it's only fun when I misremembering lines from classic literature and make up things about them that aren't true. THAT'S WHAT HUMANS ARE FOR! THAT'S WHAT MY COLLEGE EDUCATION WAS ALL ABOUT! 

stand down robots

what was the other stuff that rises in the sun also rises?

 bread?

breadcatcher

 a reimagining of Catcher in the Rye by someone who read it once 12 years ago. Holding Cauliflower escapes from his wretched boarding school and is pursued by the relentless breadcatcher. Holding seeks to destabilize the portal between the human world and the duck world by using a mind control technique wherein he labels someone a 'phony' and they must do his bidding. The closer the breadcatcher gets to Holding the more he realizes that he is only being drawn further and further into the web of Holding's mindless drones. 

Edited poem from 12 years ago today

 It was the most awful ship

to ever set sail.

A butt for a leg

and a head for a tail.

Waves crashed and churned,

sick of the nonsense.

The Ocean rebuked 

a boat with a conscience.

Made all wrong. Made all wrong.

but set out regardless.

A prow for a mast-

how could you be so heartless?

And then Heartless from 808's & Heartbreak plays and this kind of sloppily crafted multi-person costume of crudely formed cardboard emerges from the stage as the lights go down and the stage is bathed in red light and I throw Dixie cups of water from a table I've wheeled out from the other end of the stage at the boat-beast as it blindly thrashes about.

the opposite of sparkling is DARKLING

 now tell me that's not the silliest thing you've heard all day

I wrote this 10 years ago (some edits)

A small bedroom with a large window on the eastern wall. The view of the moon is partially obscured by the limbs of red cedar trees. Two twin beds with matching blue and white striped sheets are in the center of the room. A nightstand with a lamp sits between the beds. The lamp is on. McMurtry is underneath the covers of the bed on the left, farthest from the door. He is wearing button-down pajamas with blue and white stripes. The same blue and white stripes as the bed sheets. He also has a blue and white striped stocking cap. He yawns deeply. Kimbrough enters the room and approaches McMurtry's bed wearing identical pajamas and stocking cap. Kimbrough places his hand on McMurtry's forehead to pull back the stocking cap enough to place a tender kiss on McMurtry's forehead.

Kimbrough: Goodnight, McMurtry.

McMurtry: Goodnight, Kimbrough.

Kimbrough tucks in the sheets and blankets around McMurtry. Kimbrough climbs into his own bed and turns off the lamp. After several seconds of darkness, McMurtry turns on the lamp and approaches Kimbrough's bed. He repeats the exact same routine that Kimbrough has just performed. Kiss on the forehead, tuck in the covers, turn off the lamp.

McMurtry: Goodnight, Kimbrough.

Kimbrough: Goodnight, McMurtry.

McMurtry flops onto his own bed, on top of the covers. He writhes on his back in discomfort before peeling off the top of his button down pajamas to reveal his stained undershirt. He tosses the pajama shirt on top the lamp and snores loudly.

After several seconds, Kimbrough exits his bed and places yet another kiss on McMurtry's forehead.

Kimbrough: Goodnight, McMurtry.

McMurtry snores.

Kimbrough flops face down onto his own bed and tears off his pajama shirt. His undershirt is similarly stained. His sheets and blankets are in utter disarray and halfway on the floor. Kimbrough, eyes closed and muttering incomprehensibly, wraps the shirt around his fist and smashes the lamp. It falls to the ground and shatters.

***********************************************

This is pretty good! I was reading it and I was like 'this ain't bad!' I don't know. I like it.