this is one of my favorite written pieces of all time

 BALK RULES! IMPORTANT!

1. You can't just be up there and just doin' a balk like that.

1a. A balk is when you

1b. Okay well listen. A balk is when you balk the

1c. Let me start over

1c-a. The pitcher is not allowed to do a motion to the, uh, batter, that prohibits the batter from doing, you know, just trying to hit the ball. You can't do that.

1c-b. Once the pitcher is in the stretch, he can't be over here and say to the runner, like, "I'm gonna get ya! I'm gonna tag you out! You better watch your butt!" and then just be like he didn't even do that.

1c-b(1). Like, if you're about to pitch and then don't pitch, you have to still pitch. You cannot not pitch. Does that make any sense?

1c-b(2). You gotta be, throwing motion of the ball, and then, until you just throw it.

1c-b(2)-a. Okay, well, you can have the ball up here, like this, but then there's the balk you gotta think about.

1c-b(2)-b. Fairuza Balk hasn't been in any movies in forever. I hope she wasn't typecast as that racist lady in American History X.

1c-b(2)-b(i). Oh wait, she was in The Waterboy too! That would be even worse.

1c-b(2)-b(ii). "get in mah bellah" -- Adam Water, "The Waterboy." Haha, classic...

1c-b(3). Okay seriously though. A balk is when the pitcher makes a movement that, as determined by, when you do a move involving the baseball and field of

2. Do not do a balk please.

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I can't read it out loud without laughing every three words. It's delightful.

don't give in to false choices

in this world you're either binkus or bonkus

dinkus or donkus

crissing the cross or crossing the criss

no

any dichotomy is itself a trap to bound your experience between two lame poles

you're either a skeleton warrior or a skeleton poet

no

skeleton warrior poet cartographer lover friend confidant disgraced administrator

good first day of coaching club

 I've grown a lot as a climbing coach and I'm still growing and I'm proud of myself for that

do you think 12 atoms is enough?

 will that be enough?

should I bring more?

hepatopancreas

 arthropods and mollusks have a digestive organ called a hepatopancreas that functions as both a liver and a pancreas

hepato- comes from the ancient Greek word for liver 'hepar'

sos basically the crabs have a liver-pancreas

pancreas is a combination of the Greek words 'pan' meaning 'all' and 'kreas' meaning 'flesh' or 'meat'

if you go far back enough in the etymology of the word liver you get to the proto-germanic word for 'to be slimy or sticky'

and that's why isopods store heavy metals in their 'slimy all meat' pouch

Probably most people have a memory from childhood where an adult or someone older than you had a treat or something they were going to hand out to the group and upon learning of this event all the kids present started to clamor "Me! Me! Me! Me first! Me first!" And then, as a way of incentivizing desired behavior the adult would go, "I'm starting with So-And-So because they're waiting quietly."

And all the kids would get quiet and adopt the appearance of waiting patiently. And yeah, I think that is a good lesson. And it's true that if you make too big a show of wanting something you can end up not getting that thing. 

I think it's something that's deeply ingrained in me. At the same time. Sometimes. As an adult you think, "Well, I should just wait patiently." And then another voice says, you are going to die someday and you don't know when that day is and do you want to spend the time you have waiting patiently so you can look back and say well at least I waited patiently for a thing I really wanted and never got.

But! You could maybe argue that that makes the waiting all the bolder. Because you didn't give into that fear or that basic urge of wanting. 

I don't know. What a trip.

another amazing discovery

 I purchased a new car battery today because my car wouldn't start anymore and the sticker on the old battery said 9/18. Which I'm choosing to believe means that battery was purchased in 2018 and I haven't had to replace it until 2026.

That's right. I DOUBLED the life expectancy of a car battery. The average is 3-5 years. I made it EIGHT.

Is it because I'm a good driver? Is it because of all my good deeds? Probably.