when I think about christmas

the monstrous transformation begins with my eyes becoming bulbous and red. they shine from my skull like brilliant christmas tree ornaments. I sprout a full wreathy beard that flings razor sharp thistles in all directions when I laugh my holly jolly ho ho ho's at everything anyone says. I belch the pitch black smoke of all the cozy fires and my hands become icy claws, like santa's claws. And my lower body becomes a reindeer like a centaur but a reindeer instead of a horse.

Yes. such is the magic of christmas.