Well, that turned out to not be true. I can also remember there was an unhappiness that went along with it. The happiest and most fulfilled I've ever been is at CHT. Also at Field. But CHT was really special because it was truly all the time. It was virtually no freedom. Every minute of my day was accounted for. But that's not sustainable.
I imagine a lot of people my age have questioned the value of stability and striving for a stable life. It's like every 5-10 years we have this great upheaval event. And climate change is looming and we're racing towards it.
I'm not saying I have no thought towards the future or that it will be a complete disaster but I do think everyone's path will be different and everyone has to make their own way and things that seem like a safe bet or a certainty aren't necessarily so. Which is to say, I try not to get too bent out of shape about this weird inbetween period I've found myself in, much by my own choosing.
What was I going to talk about?
While I was doing dishes I had the thought of my life being on a trajectory towards being more free. And a big part of that is discovering what freedom actually is, what it actually feels like. I think it is a very hard thing to know. Choices that seem freeing can feel very restrictive. And vice-versa.
who knows man. who knows.
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