Parable of the...Thing!

OKAY!


So now that I've mastered sentences, the next step is to create a PARABLE!

A parable is like that scene in the Dark Knight when Alfred is like, "One time, Mr. Batman, I was hunting and we were looking for a bandit but we couldn't find him because he was illogical so we just burned everything to the ground."

Or something. And that explained to you how...um...blowing stuff up...wait--what?

And that was the best part of the whole movie! The part where the British guy told a story! That's what everyone walked out the theater thinking about. Right?

yeah.

So now I'm gonna make my own parable.

It's gonna teach you really important things and maybe help you kiss a red-haired girl upside down or stop a barge from exploding.

It's called the Parable of the Crab!

(roughly based on a text I just received: I JUST SAW BIRD POO HIT THE GROUND A FOOT IN FRONT OF ME! THERE MUST BE A GOD!)
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About a decade ago, in the futuristic year of 2002, there was this guy who used to sit on a bench in the park. The bench was underneath a little row of trees and would provide shade for the guy while he wrote in his notebook. The man was very polite and soft-spoken and would greet the people who passed him by with a hearty, "Good morning!" or "Good Afternoon!" depending on the circumstances. But when he wasn't greeting people and being a friendly fixture he would write in a small composition notebook.

In front of the bench was a path that wrapped around the park and in front of the path was a big field where birds liked to hang out and do bird things. The man liked watching the birds.

One day, a group of four young boys were running around the park and scaring the birds so they'd fly into the air. When they got to the field by the man they scared the birds and watched them all flock to one tree positioned directly above the man. The boys watched in amazement as the birds all simultaneously released their bowels directly onto the man, covering his already black-and-white composition notebook with even more splotches of black-and-white.

The man paid the showering no mind and greeted the boys who were rolling on the ground in laughter.

The next day the boys came back and did the same thing. It was even funnier this time and the man was still undisturbed. So, they did it again. And again. And again. The birds seemed to be magnetically drawn to the space above the man and readily dropped their droppings every time. It made no good sense really. But the man was not bothered. He would close his notebook when the birds took flight and open it again after they were finished.

After about a month of this, all of the man's jackets and pants and hats were completely stained. He sunk a little lower in his bench and his greetings were softer and subdued. But, he was never rude. He just looked a little poo-weary. On what must have been the 35th or 36th consecutive day of bird scaring, the boys were surprised and a little disappointed to find that the man was not at his bench.

Half of the fun had been seeing how much the old man could endure. Now that he was gone, they were beginning to realize they might have taken the joke too far. They stood in silence and watched the birds peck at the ground.

Then they heard a voice from behind them. "You boys don't look as rambunctious as usual. Something wrong?"

There was the old man standing right behind them with a big smile on his face and the notebook in his hand extended out towards them. The boys were stunned.

The man said, "Here, take this and read it. See what's been on my mind for the last month or so."

One of the boys took the notebook and the old, stain-covered man walked away.

The boys sat down on the bench and read the notebook from cover to cover.
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Here's the part where BatWayne/you says, "WHAT WAS IN THE NOTEBOOK?!"

And then the British man says, "It was page after page of delicate, beautiful poems addressed to the wind. "

The boys read the whole thing and never forgot about it as long as they lived. Then, in a completely unrelated incident, while they were all simultaneously getting their wisdom teeth removed they went into a coma and never woke up again.

The End.