Kolerra

Hey Santa Claus,

Hey Santa,

How's it going? I'm writing because I figure everyone has forgotten about you by now and that you probably won't be busy for a while. I'm not gonna ask for anything. I just figure you're in the interesting position of being a really important person who isn't thought of for a majority of the year. So hopefully you have nothing better to do than read this and drink more cocktails.

I'm doing really well, Santa. Really well. I get plenty of sleep and waking up keeps getting easier. I'm healthy. I stay regular and I got veins popping out of my arms and legs. The blood is flowing, Santa! I'm learning. I'm reading stories about truth and righteousness and people getting cut completely in half. I'm not alone. I've got friends that I wouldn't trade for a thousand bronze statues of Calvin Coolidge. I can wake up talking to people. I'm doing so well that I think I might be someone someday. I think I might be able to do what I love for the rest of my life and I can be known as one of those guys that does what he loves. I'd like to be one of those guys that can spend an afternoon in nothing but his boxer shorts, blank look on his face, and eat saltine crackers right out of the sleeve. And the crumbs spill and pile up on his chest and he's slouched real deep into the sofa but even then he has some sort of grace about him. Maybe he's eating peanut butter too and he's got a grimy mix of crumbs and brown in his teeth but you can't even knock him for that because he's doing it on his own time. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not worried about making it look good. I've got no one to impress, Santa. I just want control. I want happiness on my terms.

And that's actually a lot to ask for, Santa. I'm sure you know. You're a smart guy. You've got a beard makes its own wi-fi and smells like love and you're probably friends with Jesus. Maybe I'm missing the point of what I'm supposed to be doing but the way things are going I think it might all work out. I think if I can hang on to what I already have and not fall on my face too many times I might just get it right. So if you could use your sled to keep asteroids from collide-sploding into Earth or hold off the Robot Uprising, that'd be nice because I'd really like to see how these next couple years play out.

Thanks.