Morning Traffic Light Follow

It's a good good morning, ladies and gentleman. It's a good morning.

And I know I was going to talk about evil. But it's too good of a morning.

I even wrote a poem about evil yesterday. On a note-card. I'll probably put it up someday but a poem about evil that you write on an index card is not for every occasion. In fact, it's probably only good for two occasions:

1: You die. It's time to go through all your stuff. Your friends find this old, dusty chest hidden in your attic/basement that's full of index cards. On the top is your poem about evil. And on the bottom is your severed hand!...and like, a whole bunch of Starlight mint wrappers. And a polaroid picture of you wearing spandex shorts next to a girl with a velociraptor mask.

2. You're drunk. You're in a smokey coffee house and people in turtlenecks and fancy haircuts are reading poems and suddenly you yank your head out from the drool puddle you've been lying in and say, "Hey! I--I--I gonna read something. I'm gonna make all your poems look like dog-toys." After you read, everyone that hears it names their kid, "Murphy".

...and option 2b: it's really late at night and I'm looking for something to put up here.

So look forward to any of those scenarios coming true in the near future. Except #1. Cuz I don't have a dusty chest yet. Right now I just have a drawer with several notecards, several dozen dinosaur tattoos, and two almost empty packs of Stride 2.0. That doesn't have the same weight to it...

Anyways!

What I want to talk about is freshness. So, since I'm such a brain genius I realized I could cut back on laundry if I washed my running shorts in the sink after running in them. So I bought some hand soap from Target and I was washing my shorts with that last semester.

Then, at some point, my handsoap stopped smelling like citrus-goodness. And it started to smell...off. Like, contaminated in some way. It was an "all-natural"  handsoap so maybe it fermented or something but my top theory was that one of my roommates...gonna keep up the clean language..."jenked" in it. Now, I'm just paranoid. But I know smells. I know what soap is supposed to smell like. I never walked in on one of my roommates doing the dirty deed, but I threw out the handsoap at the end of the semester anyway.

But now! I'm especially excited about a new era of freshness!

That's not just any blue liquid in a jar with a Lipton tea lid. That's Tide+Febreeze in a jar with a Lipton tea lid!
It's also known as my "Jar o' Blue". And underneath I wrote "(not for drink)". Cuz let's be honest. It does look pretty tasty. Maybe I'll just dip my finger in it...no.

But I can open the lid and rest my face directly over top of it. It's like I'm lost in a sea good vibrations. If I do it for long enough, I can almost forget that my myspace account still exists and can never be deleted.

So there you go, kids. More tips for surviving college. That'll be fifty scents for every not-misspelled word you read. Pay me in the comments. Or kajiggers. It says kajiggers but it's the same thing as comments. I'd change it but it's kind of been around since the start. It'd be a shame to throw it under the bus like that. If the apocalypse doesn't happen, I'll change it back to comments.