Concluse!

TRUE MEANING OF WINTER BREAK CONCLUSION!

but first this:

I have this really vivid memory, I don't know how old I was, of my parents talking about pills and prescriptions. What I see in my head is this collection of pill bottles that they had left over and my dad was like, "Yeah, I guess I could still take some of these. And some of these." In my mind they were just making these cocktails out of leftover drugs.

I think I even said something like, "Aren't you not supposed to do that?"

That didn't really deter them. But it stuck out in my head as something wrong.

Until today, when I decided that I'm giving up on the crappy cream I've been using for over a month and I'm going to use that OTHER fungal infection cream I was given over the summer when they wouldn't give me my freakin' antibiotics because I had Lyme disease! But I still have that cream and it actually goes into my skin. Take that, younger me!

Just to be clear...my parents weren't abusing prescription drugs...that wasn't the point of the story.

Okay. Cool.
__________________________________________________________________

Meaning of Winter Break.

I've thought a lot about this. I've come up with a lot of cop-out answers. But I think I've got something I'm happy with.

When I think back to the Fall semester of my Junior year, specifically the end of it, I think about the time I went to a classroom, drew a chalk-drawing of a giant hummingbird and stared at that hummingbird for at least an hour. In a classrooom. By myself. Completely and honestly mesmerized by my chalk-drawing of hummingbird. I even remember what was so great about it, it was the curvature of the head. It was this beautiful flowing line from the beak to the crown of the head to the neck to the body.

That's called being burnt out. When you are fascinated by a chalk drawing of hummingbird, you are burnt out. You will do anything to get your mind off tests. But I don't hate exam week. I don't hate being burnt out.  Once you hit exhaustion then you know you're really doing stuff. That's when it gets interesting...

I think I was still sick at the time too. So that might have had something to do with it.

But the point is, college is all about tests. Not just the tests you're assigned. Exams and papers. But the tests you impose on yourself. The goals you set to grow and challenge yourself.

And to me, Winter break is the opposite of tests. It's anti-test. It's a void. Nothing is expected of you. Don't expect anything from yourself.

BUT

at the same time,

how do you keep yourself from going crazy?

Winter Break is all about filling the void. Making something out of nothing. I think that's just as valuable as learning to deal with the pressure of school. Free time can be a dangerous thing. It's empty time. It's dark. It's cold. It's a lot like Winter. So in that way, Winter Break is kind of scary.

But good things come out of fear. Wisdom comes out of fear. Quirks come out of fear. Sometimes even pee comes out of fear.

I don't think Winter Break is about being happy. I don't think it's about being productive. I think Winter Break is like...

Winter Break is like someone sat you down at a table with two marshmallows on it. And you've been really stressed and you're really tired and you're in this quiet, relaxing room. And you're told, "Okay, for the next month, I want you to pick up this marshmallow then put it down. Then pick up this other marshmallow then put it down. Then pick up the first marshmallow, and put it down. Then pick up the other marshmallow and put it down. You just keep doing that. The door is locked from the outside."

And the guy doesn't even stay to watch you.

Yes.

That in my mind perfectly encapsulates Winter Break. I'll leave you to cogitate on it.

Kepp the Faash!