Everything Repeats

Let's do another one of these.

True Meaning of Winter Break Part Nine

Waking up at 8 in the morning to go to the dentist and then around noon having dreams about your parents dying and a coffee maker bludgeoning a hockey player to death.

That's...that's more just what I did today. Not so much the True Meaning of Winter Break.

I don't think any universal message can be salvaged from that. Except, maybe, don't get your teeth polished and then take a nap. Your subconscious will be all topsy-turvy from your excess oral hygiene.

But it does lead me into something I'd like to talk about: Flossing.

I don't floss. Never picked up the habit. It doesn't have the soothing freshness of brushing or the invigorating sting of mouthwash.

But I did decide today that I will begin flossing the minute I lose "dental". Which I'm guessing stands for dental insurance, or some sort of dental plan where your job lets you get the "dental". I've only ever heard "dental" so I don't know what the full name for the concept is.

Anyway, until someone's mom (cuz they're always moms) is no longer able to go in my mouth with a tiny spike and scrape all the plaque away. I'm not flossing. Every six months I just get their professional cleaning and that carries me through.

When that stops happening though, I'm gonna be on my teeth like a fiend. Like a fiend! Like a toothy fiend! Cuz I'm not paying for mouth stuff out of my own pocket. It's expensive and painful. Expensively painful. And painfully expensive. I'll buy like a mega-sized spool of minty dental floss and keep it where my toilet paper holder is. And then I'll just put the toilet paper on the top part of the toilet. Like the lazy people in my suite-bathroom at school do! I'll eat lots of apples too. Because apples clean teeth.

Yeah, and I'll probably take lots of Vicodin too. Yeah...Cookie Crisp and Vicodin...

Flossing is important...let me rephrase that. Flossing is important when you don't have someone's mom to clean your teeth and nag you about flossing. If you've got that going on, what are the moms going to do when you go to the dentist? They'll have nothing to say and no plaque to scrape off and collect in a tiny plastic bag that they keep hidden under their sleeve.

And they take the scrapings to a back room where they empty it out on to their own little pile. Those little piles rest at the foot of the head Dentist-man's throne chair and all the nurses/moms compete to see whose pile of teeth-scrapings can reach a meter in height. The first person to do that wins their key to freedom. And they get one of those cool robo-chairs installed in their living room.

That's how I imagine dentistry works anyway...

TRUE MEANING OF WINTER BREAK!