Can I Cheese It?

Look at that shaggy, long-haired Andy. Doesn't he look complacent? Well, all that changes when he gets a haircut...

"No bueno" says recently-got-his-hairs-lopped-off Andy.

I liked the woman who cut it though. She pulled out this magazine of guy's haircuts and was like, "You want this one?" And I was like, "Sure. Just make the back shorter but don't take too much from the front."

So she just kind of went around my head and clipped more from the back than the front. Now, I'm no hair-technician or "expert" but I feel like good hair-cutters take some time to make sure there's a certain shape to the hair or...I don't know--something! They do something with the scissors or use special tools to try to make it look like you didn't just get a haircut.

This lady didn't bother with any of that. It took her all of about five minutes and then she was like, "There you go!"

She just...she just eyeballed it and...and made less hair on my head.

It'd be like if I hired someone to draw a picture of a flower for me because I'm terminally ill and decide that I like flowers all of a sudden. And every Sunday I need someone to draw or paint me a picture of a flower to help me...die slower.

And most days people would come in and really ART the flower up. They'd add shading and blend the colors together and really make it pop off the canvas. They would show you a beautiful side of the flower you've never considered before.

But then this lady comes in and

PHLLBBBT

THERE YOU GO! IS FLOWER NOW!

What? Yeah, I guess that is technically a flower but...but...I COULD'VE DONE THAT! I went to you because I thought you were supposed to be good at this sort of thing! And...and what is...that



UTTERS?! Why did you put UTTERS on the flower leaf?

wait...but...does that mean?...




NOOO! I'VE GOT UTTER HEAD!!!



I HOPE ALMOND MILK COMES OUT!