Yesterday I peed in a cup and gave it to a stranger

So, I had to get a drug test for my job. Because I'm working for the city. And I went to the drug-test place and what I decided to do was be really really friendly. And nice.

First of all,  I was excited because I had a pee ready. I didn't want to make this any longer than it had to be. I knew I was going to rock this pee-test. So I was already pumped for that. And then I decided I would do that thing that friendly people do, address strangers by their name within minutes of learning their name.

I've never done this before. I don't really understand it. Personally, I think it's weird to call someone by name when you're never going to see them again. I don't see the reason to haul names into this meaningless interaction. But whatever, I was going to pee in a cup. I was excited.

So in the waiting room there was a lady who checked me in and at some point she said, "My name's Vicki." And she put me in the system or whatever and took my information and at the end I was like, "Thanks, Vicki!" And I sat down in the waiting room and thought Look at me being all sociable. I call people by their names. I'm the most dignified person in this room full of people waiting to pee in a cup!

And meanwhile there's a guy next to me talking on his cellphone saying, "No! They said I didn't give 'em enough! So I know I gotta drink water and wait 45 minutes to try again! I didn't have to pee when I was in the bathroom and then I walk out and I had to pee!" And this guy is not happy. He's speaking loud enough so the people working there can hear.

I've seen that they set their standards pretty high.  The pressure is on.

Anyway, then they call me in and I'm introduced to Samantha and she gives me the cup with a sharpie mark on it and says, "Try and get as close to this line as you can."

And I'm thinking Psssh, if it's a challenge pee you're asking for. This is NOT my first rodeo.

So I go in the bathroom and I hit the mark, go a little bit over (for flair) and then I just put the rest in the toilet on my OWN TIME.

I return very promptly, hand the woman my cup and go, "Thank you, Samantha."

And...my brain almost exploded when I handed a fresh cup of pee to a complete stranger and used their name to thank them after just learning it.

And then as I'm walking out the room she's like, "Take a right and then it's your first door on your left."

So I walk out of the room and turn right and I'm looking ahead where I'm going to turn left and she goes, "No! Turn left!"

I think I've messed up the very first turn, so I turn completely around and start walking the other way going, "Oh, right. I'm sorry. I still can't think straight because you've just professionally handled my urine."

And she's like, "No, go right then turn left!"

What happened was I walked past the door where I was supposed to turn. So now I just look like I'm stumbling around and can't understand English.

But I couldn't leave on that note. So as I'm walking out of the main door they have this big, obvious hand sanitizer thing right by the door and I look at it, and then walk right by.

THE OUTSIDE WORLD BETTER GET READY FOR ME!

PEE ON MY HANDS AND BAD AT DIRECTIONS!