Another one of Coach Andy's crazy stories

 Listen up. In life you can't just have anything you want whenever you want. Y'know if I want to climb the hardest climb in the gym today but I'm not strong enough to do it, then it's just not going to happen. Because I'm too weak. And if you pay close attention you'll notice that your own weakness and faults are often the source of your misery and futility. If you were better, things would be better. That's how I live my life every single day. 

On my bathroom mirror, written in red lipstick, is a list of all my faults and ways that I'm not good enough. And every morning I scream read them as loud as I can for all to here and then I set up removing them by becoming stronger. And the most important way to become stronger is to learn how to enter into the dream world and fight the demons of your mind using a lucid-dreaming avatar. 

So after screaming my faults I go back to sleep and enter into the endless Dream War of the unconscious and I've got barrels that I throw. Some of the barrels are heavy and they roll and flatten things they hit. And then others are lighter and bouncy and they knock back opponents. And then there's like flame barrels that explode and catch things on fire. And ice barrels that freeze things. There's a plasma barrel that does plasma. Standard stuff. And it's hordes and hordes of enemies the whole time and they're like "Ah! We're gonna get you this time! You'll have to give us kisses!" And I'm like "No way! Gross!" And I chuck a barrel at them. And then I wake up.

There you go. The recipe for successipe.

my latest project: pledge of the day

The Pledge of Allegiance and it's consequences have been disastrous for the pledge genre. Pledges are supposed to be a fun way to unify your gang of rascals and hooligans! Same words, same heart, same mind!

So I'm going to save the form single-handedly and write brand new pledges for the modern day. 

This is the Monday pledge.

Crawling in my skin

These wounds, they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real

Look at that mountain

Look at those trees

Look at that bum over there, man, he's down on his knees

look at these humans

There ain't nothing like em' anywhere

I love Monday (we love it!)

I'm a competitive person

 I might go so far as to say that I'm an overly competitive person. I don't always manage it as well as I should and because of that I say some pretty ridiculous things sometimes without thinking about it.

But anyway a week ago we were doing this climbing game and there was a miscommunication  about where this climb we made up was supposed to end and this girl who I've coached for a few years now got really frustrated and said to another kid on the team, "Well I would've done it but that IDIOT told me the wrong thing." And she gestured at me when she said idiot. It made me feel bad and we talked about it and I asked her to apologize but in the back of my mind I knew like 'andy you've said similar things in competitive situations, and not just as a kid either but as a full grown adult'

Anyway the practice ended on this sour note but then today she was really nice and that was really gratifying and affirming. I feel like I do the same thing. Like, man, you messed up last time so you better really make an effort this time. And I could tell she was doing that. So that felt good. What a great kid. 

We're all humans trying to do human things.

I'm gonna rank every type of person I can think of for like 15 minutes

 people who make things: People who make things are like demi-gods amongst the earth. They transmute their life force energy into doodads and googaws and art and music and inventions and crafts and that's enriching the planet. That's improving the lives of everyone that encounters their creations. As long as it's from a place of creative joy. Or maybe joy is the wrong word. The creative urge. Yeah they're great.

people who listen and ask great questions: This is a rare and precious diamond of a person. They're simple carbon that has been hardened and had their molecules perfectly aligned in a crystalline matrix by a good upbringing and positive role models

vegetarians: aka people who don't eatsa the meatsa on the pizza. they're pretty cool

people who close: They're the last ones to leave. That's dedication. I think as a society we prioritize waking up early way too much. We know it's bad for us. We know most people aren't getting enough sleep. We know lack of sleep is killing us. And yet we valorize this self-destructive borderline criminal behavior. Go back to bed. People who close though. They get it. End on a strong note. Save the best for last.

people who use behaviors instead of their words: They're working on it. Or maybe they're not working on it. And maybe because of all the behaviors they keep pushing people away who could help them. It's like having a big ol stinky fart cloud around you all the time. Except the farts are behaviors. When you could use you words like saying "Excuse me". Or like soap. Words are like the soap of your reputation. 

people who drive too fast: slow down. stop being in a race to die. we're all gonna get there. no need to rush.

people who can whistle: people who can whistle peaked around 2010. and then later kid cudi made humming cool all by himself. humming is cool. humming is like the crayon drawing of music. humming is like hugging. think about this, remember that scene in kill bill where the one lady is dressed up as a nurse and she's walking to the room uma thurman is in and she's got that needle and twisted nerve is playing and it's got that scary whistling. imagine if that was humming. think about that.

I finally put up things on my walls

 it makes things a lot better. I should have done it sooner instead of waiting like 15 months. I'll take pictures tomorrow.

Today was good. I'm not sick anymore and I felt good on my run. Put up some art and stickers at the climbing gym.

If I could go a whole month without getting sick that would be fantastic.

the eternal recurrence of the same

 shoe mountain chalk nuggets snail slime

shoe mountain is the mountain of rental shoes that gets sprayed and put away every night. only to return again.

chalk nuggets are the reward for doing a challenging climb or trying something you were scared to do. but most kids when they learn about it just try to game the system and earn a nugget for something that wasn't very hard. 

snail slime is the substance my feet produce that no longer make me able to use toe hooks when climbing

i reject cartesian dualism

there's some food smell in my apartment right now and it makes me want to throw up

I think it's coming in through the windows

I saw some plants and the side of the path and thought of Isaiah 15:3 in the streets they wear sackcloth; on the roofs and in the public squares they all wail, prostrate with weeping

I think I was too close to my essential oils and they created an ulcer in the back of my throat

I was sooooooo gassy today

and the dogs and the frogs and the logs and the wogs and the togs and nogs and rogs and sogs and cogs and hogs and jogs and zogs all glowed

glowing like the knots of dead red grasses that choke the marsh under the bridge in the light of the earliest sunset of October