Tuesday, September 29, 2026

response to crab's response to my reaction to playing a video game again

 Go read his response first or don't and just read this and try to fill in the gaps yourself. Was going to comment this and then figured it deserved a post.

Very good points and I really appreciate your response. This was a raw first impression and after a couple days my attitude has definitely shifted a bit. I agree that it is good to have things to look forward to. In hindsight, my reaction feels like a bit much but it really did hit me hard in the moment. And I think you're very much correct that that feeling is a special thing. I suppose I was skeptical of it because it felt so overwhelming. Happy to report that my life has not fallen apart even as I continue playing the game. Some other observations

- I have this feeling between my eyes somewhere and I think I'm staring at the screen too intently so that's probably something to watch out for.

-One vivid memory I have from my early childhood, especially between like 8 and 12 or so, was having this really intense inner monologue and imagination. I feel like I spent a lot of free time just being outside and watching my thoughts play like a movie or a show. I also remember getting older and feeling like I lost that and it's something I miss. I'll try sometimes and it just doesn't happen. Anyway, I feel like something about the game has turned that part of my brain on again. Maybe it's the dopamine. It's not like a craving to play the game and it's kind of nebulous but something is activated that wasn't before and it's not a bad thing.

One thing I've learned is that I really value being regulated and I think that's good but it also limits the kinds of experiences I have and seek out.

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