LEARNING TO EGGS! WITH ANDY!

We all want to make eggs, right? They're delicious, nutritious, and they only cost $2.69 at the Student Exchange. A box of cereal costs 6 bucks but I can get twelve of these bad boys for a little under three. The future is unstoppable, it's time to prepare.

Yeah, we definitely need to be making some eggs.

Look at them. They're like a team of super elite food warriors. The only ones to have survived the grueling training camp. They've probably got cool nicknames like Ricky, Crubble Jack, and Booty-Tears.

If you need help finding your eggs because your refrigerator is so crammed-packed full of food, I've provided a picture to help you find them.  

Oh! There they are! Make sure you check BENEATH the half-eaten jar of peanut butter but ABOVE the two containers of mysterious gelatinous blackness.

Now, if you're like me. you just wanna start eating these bald little orbs of joy right out of the carton. And I respect that. I think you could totally fit a whole egg in your mouth at once.

I've got the heart of a champion!

The real question is, can you fit TWO EGGS in your mouth at once?!

I'm in too deep! I'm out of my element!

Yeah, if you're gonna want to eat more than one egg, we're gonna need to prepare these eggs somehow. Chances are, if you had parents, they probably made eggs by putting them on the stove or something.

They look like they're glowing...are they supposed to be glowing?

A frying pan was also probably involved somehow. But this whole process seems dangerously complicated. See all those analog knobs? Do I really want to incur the wrath of the gods by stealing their precious fire?

PROMETHEAN SCRAMBLE!

It seems like we'll never be able to eat eggs! They're just too complicated.

I wish I could learn how to love you guys.

 But wait! There is hope. We can use the only kitchen appliance I know how to use. THE MAGIC BOX! THE MAGIC NUMBER PRESSING BEEPING HEATING BOX! THE MICROWAVE!

We don't need a TV! You're reflective! AND MAGIC!

That's right, citizens! You can make eggs in the microwave! And no, it's not Caribbean voodoo magic! It's lazy college kid magic. I'm gonna show you how. The only things you're going to need are a bowl, a fork, and a can-opener.

Look at that happy-time dish soap! He's smiling on our good fortune! (happy-time dish soap optional) 

So, the obvious first step is to use the can-opener to open the eggs. Make sure the blade gets a firm grip on the shell and then crank that CRANKY THING!

Make sure to be extra careful if you're turning a POWER EGG. You'll know it's a POWER EGG if it's glowing. Play your cards right and you might win yourself a MAN-UP!

Seriously...why are these eggs glowing?

Hold on...wait a minute? Are you...are you wearing pants right now?

Nope. You are not wearing pants right now.

Anyway! After you open the eggs you're going to want to throw the can opener away in your already overflowing trashcan. Make sure to say a prayer underneath the watchful eye of the bunny man and the skull that lurks behind him. This will make sure the can opener's soul will journey safely to the afterlife.

THERE! Now you should have two egg looking things in a bowl! This is going great!

They look like GOOGLY EYES!

Now take your fork and start breaking and whipping those yolks!

As you exercise your control over the natural world, you should start to fill your primal rage meter fill up. Keep whipping the yolks until it's absolutely full. Let anger grow!

That looks about right.

And that looks about right.

Now (IMPORTANT STEP!) Make sure you cover the bowl with a paper towel or a brick or something. Because you put so much rage in the eggs, they're probably going to explode a little bit in the microwave. The thin paper towel will protect your precious magic beeping heating button box.

Then you just take the eggs and stick 'em in the microwave for 90 seconds.

It's so simple!

 As you listen to the microwave sounds and smell the rich egg aroma fill the room, you will feel your egg-lust meter begin to rise. Take the eggs out of the microwave when the meter is full.

That looks about right.

 HOLY CRAP IT WORKED! It's like a little omelet thingy!

THIS IS AWESOME! FORK IS GOING TO BE SO PLEASED WITH ME!

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE SUCCESSFULLY STAVED OFF THE EVERLOOMING SPECTRE OF HUNGER!

I'm still not wearing pants!

 you've staved him off...for at least a few more hours...

It sounds like HUNGER is behind that door!

ENJOY YOUR EGGS, WONDERFUL SPACE DUST CREATURES!