Fresh on the Breath

The Twelve Most Powerful Words in the English Language: "Where did the cat go? It exploded. I mean, I love you." 

I smile whenever the moon is out in the daytime. I also smile when I'm in my apartment and I can walk from my toilet to my bedroom without having to pull my pants up again.

One of the best parts about running is that it humbles you. I think that's how runners become friends. I think another humbling job is moving and cleaning porta-potties. Today when I was running I found a porta-pottie with no blue water in it and no toilet paper. Miles away from my home, I sat there and stewed in my prism of humility.

One of the admittance essays for UVA is "What's your favorite word and why?" And someone told me about a guy who just wrote the word, "brevity" and got in. UVA is easily amused. I wrote a ten thousand word essay on the word "misguided". I didn't get in.

It's hilarious how hilarious butts are. Some people get upset about how silly it is that the President of the most powerful country in the world "pardons" a turkey every Thanksgiving. He still has a butt. We owe it to our butts to never be so serious.

In the magical jungle, I dueled with sabers against the pirate lord. The gentle giggling of the lemurs made my goosebumps swell up like grapefruits.

You can't tell me what to do. You're not my dad. I'm my dad.

I just realized that I don't think about lava nearly as much as I used to. And I think about coffee way more than I used to. Although, as fun as it was when I used to pretend the floor was made of lava. I have to admit that I would get way more excited now if I was in an airport or the DMV and someone yelled, "The floor is made of coffee!"

"Oh no! We can't play wiffle ball because they set up tents in the way!" Sometimes I hear things that make me realize that our lives are no more meaningful than a lizard in the desert, blending into the rocks and sand as a falcon descends with claws outstretched. It's a good thing the vending machines let me buy gummy fruit snacks with my student ID.