Top Hats and Snake Wrestling

It's always weird being by yourself for extended periods of time after being in college where you constantly see people. It's kind of like being outside at night when it's so dark that even when your eyes have adjusted you still see things that aren't there. Ghostly figures sprout up and you jump out of the way but it was just a stick. Not a dog with biceps for teeth.

The strangest thing though is that without people, you start forgetting what you look like. You start forgetting what you sound like and how people perceive you.

And, just like when you're in the dark, you can't adjust to not having any outside reference points. You need strangers around you to remember what people are like and you need your friends to remember what you are like.

Otherwise things start getting weird...

You might revert back to some younger time. Start doing stuff that you haven't thought about in years. You have to start comparing yourself to older versions of yourself. Or start making up new versions of yourself.

Maybe even bearded versions of yourself. Which is never a good sign.

And then you really can't tell anymore. It all gets hazy and you start caring way to much about cereal and how it's a good thing that no one ever made you play soccer as a young child.

But then you see people again and you need time to acclimate. 

You might see someone and they'll be like, "hey, what's up?"

But in your mind it's, "Prove your worth, here and now before the kingdom! Claim your foothold in the realm or perish!"

But finally you have something to push against. That human interaction is like a torrential downpour after a drought and your hungry pores soak it all in.

It's like an Adele song!

It's scary too though. You can mess up again. You can find things you don't like. Say things you don't mean. So, to me, it's kind of like wrestling a giant snake. You might be swallowed alive but you're gonna learn something about yourself in the process. And in a couple months you'll be all poo'd out and ready to start over again.

 That willingness, that eagerness for stupid, annoying human interaction is one positive of going away from your friends and people for awhile. You've had time to forget how disheartening people can appear and now the world is full of stars and giant snakes to wrestle.

Put them in your favorite basket and keep looking forward to the weekends. Little rays of sunshine keep creeping through the crap-clouds.