Pilot On Raw Dog

Here's a sad picture of me with short hair. It makes me laugh now.

Bahahaha! Look at him! Look at him and his stupid short-haired face! Bahahaha! He's so sad and tired. Holed up on the third floor of Swem, taking pictures of his short-hair because it's really late and he's slogging through a paper. tee-hee. Then he's gonna have to walk back to his tiny sophomore apartment and count the months before his hair can be considered long again. What a doof.

Why's he got his shirt unbuttoned? Who's he think he is? Some short-haired guy? Some kinda guy with short-hair? No way. No way. Not a short-haired guy.

He probably thinks the world is made of dandelions and the mailman's gonna bring him a package full of kisses.

He probably thinks he's pretty good at checkers too. Probably thinks he's some kind of checkers whizz-kid. Some kind of checkers wunderkind. Some kind of chunderkind.

Yeah, he's a chunderkind alright. but not in the good way. in the bad way. Short-haired having, gila-monster licking, chunderkind.

You send five guys like that out to chop down a christmas tree and they're gonna come back with a handful of pine cones and an investment in a foreign electric car company. They've got no business savvy. Bunch of baby-faced short-haired dandies like that aren't gonna cut it when it comes to hard labor.

You ask that short-haired version of me to sprint ten yards down field and then cut hard to the right, he's gonna tear his ACL and completely ruin the third down conversion. You just can't count on him to make the big plays when it matters most.

I wouldn't trust that guy to dangle my baby over a pit of hungry alligators, would you? No way I'm letting him tease those reptiles with my baby. That's ridiculous. He's got no hair.

Oh, oh, this just in, I got a coded message from WW2 written in Navajo. Or whatever that native american language was. Am I gonna ask this guy to code it? No. Because he's probably busy catching the bus over to Target so he can buy another long sleeved shirt.

What's he doing buying long-sleeved shirts? He's just gonna roll up the sleeves. He probably doesn't even have enough sense to keep baking soda in the back of his refrigerator. Dawn dish soap plus lemon scented freshness. Three times ten to the eighth Nelson Mandelas. What a rube.

Helicopters can't fly upside down. He doesn't understand!