Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards!
Melanie had heard from an old talking toad
that the way to the dragon was down Blubbergum Road.
And there, on the road, was the first enemy she faced.
It was the Blunnnnghderous Blechhh from Outer Space.
He said, "Puny Beard Warrior, prepare to be erased.
I'll crush you and smush you and I will leave no trace."
Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards!
The Blunnnnghderous Blechhh was a gruesome sight to behold.
A tall, fat, mean, greasy monster dripping with mold.
He lurched at Melanie with his Spicy Skunk Fist
but Melanie's reflexes made the blow miss.
The Blech laughed, "Haha! You'll never suspect this!"
And he unleashed his Deadly Fuzzy Lip Kiss!
Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards!
Oh! Melanie gagged and choked and her lips were burning,
she was sick to her stomach and her breakfast was churning.
"You are a gross, slobbish, pig!" Melanie said with disdain.
"With stanky stank breath and a head with no brain!"
And Melanie's righteous scolding the Blech with great guilt-pains.
He fled weeping and sobbing while Melanie, standing strong, remained.
---------------------------------------------------
And then that happened.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Poogy the Giant Dinosaur
We traced this from an overhead projector! Cool times! I made the left food and the open hand!
I am the Maxx! (Note: claw has been moved to index finger to make decent for viewing by elementary childrens)
not traced. Not that it's good enough that it looks like it had to be traced. But...I was proud of it!
That's Poogy. I drew it during quiet time today. Poogy wants mad cupcakes but has sad thumbs.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Beard Poem Three
Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards!
Melanie said to Bill, "What the flip?
None of that stuff has to do with my trip!
I need to find that dragon and get back the beards.
Everything you said is pointless and weird!"
Bill just laughed, "Your mind is clearly not cleared.
In life, every path is much different than as it first appeared."
Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards!
Melanie was out there with a PSSHHHH!!
"Crazy ol' Bill is full of rubishhhhh."
Melanie would save the beards all on her own.
With her electric blue shield and her charms made of stone.
In the morning sun, her crystal armor shone
along with her sword of licking flames, forged in molten hambone.
Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards!
Melanie was pretty and strong, like a muscular owl.
She moved with the grace of a tiger's prowl.
She had hair like pasta, and big brown eyes,
gleaming white teeth...and...and...HANDS!
and feet, nose, mouth, legs, arms, ankles, ears, did I mention the eyes?
Imagine Melanie however you like best. I'm not gonna try.
----------------------------------------------------------
The first verse in this was the last verse in the Second Post but...it should be here. Not there.
Melanie said to Bill, "What the flip?
None of that stuff has to do with my trip!
I need to find that dragon and get back the beards.
Everything you said is pointless and weird!"
Bill just laughed, "Your mind is clearly not cleared.
In life, every path is much different than as it first appeared."
Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards!
Melanie was out there with a PSSHHHH!!
"Crazy ol' Bill is full of rubishhhhh."
Melanie would save the beards all on her own.
With her electric blue shield and her charms made of stone.
In the morning sun, her crystal armor shone
along with her sword of licking flames, forged in molten hambone.
Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards! Beards!
Melanie was pretty and strong, like a muscular owl.
She moved with the grace of a tiger's prowl.
She had hair like pasta, and big brown eyes,
gleaming white teeth...and...and...HANDS!
and feet, nose, mouth, legs, arms, ankles, ears, did I mention the eyes?
Imagine Melanie however you like best. I'm not gonna try.
----------------------------------------------------------
The first verse in this was the last verse in the Second Post but...it should be here. Not there.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Crazy Pudding and Butterflies
More pre-snack doodles....
BONUS THING!:::
gif from the return trip of a cross country thing!
everybody knows it!
gif from the return trip of a cross country thing!
everybody knows it!
THIRD PLACE!!
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Gwampus
In the animal kingdom, there is a basic rule of order that all animals tend to follow; it is known as the Food Chain.
It works like this: the bigger, stronger, faster animal eats the smaller, wimpier, slower animal.
What is amazing about the food chain is that no matter how low you are on the food chain, there is always something even punier than you.
The terrifying part of the food chain is that no matter how high up you are, there is always something with enormous jaws waiting to devour you.
The food chain even hols true in alternate dimensions. Where the animals and plants seem strange and monstrous to us.
For example, in an alternate dimension, the Great Flying Box Chicken is eaten by the stronger and faster Sabertooth Mountain Cricket.
The Colossal Fire Tortoise feeds on thousands of tiny Puddle Badgers for every meal.
Even the lowly Blueback Slug eats the hairs off the 3-eyed, 3-eared, 3-nosed jackrabbit.
Everything eats something below it and gets eaten by something above it.
Except, that is, for the Gwampus.
The Gwampus is a strange, strange creature. It's body, (if you can call it that), is a big purple head with two legs sticking out of where its neck should be and two long powerful arms sticking out of where its ears should be. The mouth of the Gwampus contains two rows of 52 razor sharp teeth and jaws that can rip open an aluminum can of peaches like it's a soggy napkin...full of peaches. Above the mouth are two beady eyes that gaze out in two different directions. Probably the best description of the Gwampus is an angry grape with fangs.
But, for a creature that is only two feet tall, it has no natural predators. Nothing eats a Gwampus. Not a Sabertooth Mountain Cricket, not a Razorback Dung Beetle, not even the fearsome Russian BoneBEAR!
It is as if no one ever told the Gwampus that it should be afraid of creatures that are bigger than it.
One time, a scientist tried to tell the Gwampus that it was too small to not be eaten, and the scientist was then eaten.
You do not mess with the Gwampus.
A single Gwampus can fit an entire Ford F550 Super Duty Pick-Up Truck with a 6.7L Power Stroke Turbodiesel V8 engine in its stomach and still have room for dessert.
The Gwampus has been known to take 39 consecutive bee stings to the face and not even cry all that much.
The Gwampus is able to see slightly into the future to figure out the best way to sneak up on animals and also completely ruin slumber parties.
When two Gwampuses meet, they can combine to form the dreaded GWAMPLAMOOSE! Which could probably eat the sky if it didn't think the sky tasted awful.
Is the Gwampus a monster? Yes!
Could you be friends with a Gwampus? No. You would be eaten.
But, you have to respect the Gwampus for believing in itself and refusing to accept that it will be eaten by a larger monster.
The Gwampus says, "No! I will not be your breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I will stand here until the Great Gum Drop Eagle climbs out of its smoking volcano and and picks me up with his massive talons and says, 'I'm gonna eat you!'
And there is a word for that. There is a word that sums up everything that the Gwampus is. The Gwampus is the living proof of this word. And that word is
tenacious. The Gwampus is tenacious.
It works like this: the bigger, stronger, faster animal eats the smaller, wimpier, slower animal.
What is amazing about the food chain is that no matter how low you are on the food chain, there is always something even punier than you.
The terrifying part of the food chain is that no matter how high up you are, there is always something with enormous jaws waiting to devour you.
The food chain even hols true in alternate dimensions. Where the animals and plants seem strange and monstrous to us.
For example, in an alternate dimension, the Great Flying Box Chicken is eaten by the stronger and faster Sabertooth Mountain Cricket.
The Colossal Fire Tortoise feeds on thousands of tiny Puddle Badgers for every meal.
Even the lowly Blueback Slug eats the hairs off the 3-eyed, 3-eared, 3-nosed jackrabbit.
Everything eats something below it and gets eaten by something above it.
Except, that is, for the Gwampus.
The Gwampus is a strange, strange creature. It's body, (if you can call it that), is a big purple head with two legs sticking out of where its neck should be and two long powerful arms sticking out of where its ears should be. The mouth of the Gwampus contains two rows of 52 razor sharp teeth and jaws that can rip open an aluminum can of peaches like it's a soggy napkin...full of peaches. Above the mouth are two beady eyes that gaze out in two different directions. Probably the best description of the Gwampus is an angry grape with fangs.
But, for a creature that is only two feet tall, it has no natural predators. Nothing eats a Gwampus. Not a Sabertooth Mountain Cricket, not a Razorback Dung Beetle, not even the fearsome Russian BoneBEAR!
It is as if no one ever told the Gwampus that it should be afraid of creatures that are bigger than it.
One time, a scientist tried to tell the Gwampus that it was too small to not be eaten, and the scientist was then eaten.
You do not mess with the Gwampus.
A single Gwampus can fit an entire Ford F550 Super Duty Pick-Up Truck with a 6.7L Power Stroke Turbodiesel V8 engine in its stomach and still have room for dessert.
The Gwampus has been known to take 39 consecutive bee stings to the face and not even cry all that much.
The Gwampus is able to see slightly into the future to figure out the best way to sneak up on animals and also completely ruin slumber parties.
When two Gwampuses meet, they can combine to form the dreaded GWAMPLAMOOSE! Which could probably eat the sky if it didn't think the sky tasted awful.
Is the Gwampus a monster? Yes!
Could you be friends with a Gwampus? No. You would be eaten.
But, you have to respect the Gwampus for believing in itself and refusing to accept that it will be eaten by a larger monster.
The Gwampus says, "No! I will not be your breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I will stand here until the Great Gum Drop Eagle climbs out of its smoking volcano and and picks me up with his massive talons and says, 'I'm gonna eat you!'
And there is a word for that. There is a word that sums up everything that the Gwampus is. The Gwampus is the living proof of this word. And that word is
tenacious. The Gwampus is tenacious.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Down with the Sickness
I've got the sniffles...boo.
But I will only emerge from this stronger!
As my immune system brutally strangulates these puny viruses and learns their crafty practices. I grow smarter and deadly with every passing nose-dripping!
Self-preservation into INFINITY!
But I will only emerge from this stronger!
As my immune system brutally strangulates these puny viruses and learns their crafty practices. I grow smarter and deadly with every passing nose-dripping!
Self-preservation into INFINITY!
Friday, October 25, 2013
Swimming Pool
Is green.
Life comes in phases. Things, people, afflictions, plagues--they all come in phases. Swimming pools too.
Blue swimming pools are a wonderful thing. This is undeniable. But a green swimming pool. Green swimming pools are the stuff or lore. There's whole creation myths arising from green swimming pools.
How did life come to be?
Well, there was probably this nasty pool of water with some junk floating around in it and then it got struck by lightning and the soup turned into amino acids or something.
Well, there was probably this nasty pool of water with some junk floating around in it and then it got struck by lightning and the soup turned into amino acids or something.
Life is brought about by green swimming pools. Life is ended by green swimming pools.
What's a better portal to the underworld than a noxious, mottled pool of stagnant spew collected in a hard pit?
Life is transformed by a green swimming pool.
Life is transformed by a green swimming pool.
---and they'd all thought the rabbit with a marker duct-taped to its back was dead after it slipped through the bars of the fence and dove into the pool. The three kids stood in silence. Then they heard bubbling. A violent boiling became an eruption as the hideous beast reared its fatal-floppy-eared head above the water. It's teeth were long, yellow, crooked. Two bulging eyes darted about, consumed with vengeance. Mr. Sniffles was a twelve foot tall abomination and the marker was now a felt-tipped toxic bazooka. The rabbit had survived the waters, but innocence was drowned on the floor the deep-end.
And that's what I think about green swimming pools. Respect them. Just like any other natural wonder.
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