Oblio

Pull a string and see how far it goes. See how close it can get you back to the center. See the way it winds and twists and curves and knots. The mind is made of strings. Bodies are made of string.

I can't figure out what's important to me. That's the problem. That's the first step. Find something important. 

The idea of evil was important to me this spring. That brought anonymous. 

Maybe I'll just pick something. Maybe I'll just pick something to be important and that'll make it important. Because I picked it.

Alligators wearing diapers and riding on antique bicycles are important, world! Just the other day I was putting sour cream on a bowling ball and this alligator wearing a diaper and riding on an antique bicycle, the kind of the with the really big front wheel and the really tiny little wheel, came rolling up to me and was like, "Hey! I'm out of gold. I need you to go dig up some bodies so I can build a raft."

I said, "Listen, you be-diapered reptile, maybe I don't have time to go rob graves today. And what do you need a raft for? I thought you were magic."

And he said, "No, I'm allergic to magic. I need a raft to start up a business. It'll be a bakery that will travel down the Mississippi river. But really the bakery is a front to smuggle slaves and impressionable children into the South so they can learn about growing up."

I said, "First of all! A bakery is a terrible business to start on a raft. Where's the oven gonna go?"

And he said, "No--wait. I'm not going to actually bake things. I'm going to buy muffins in bulk and then cover them with plain-flavored icing and sell them at exorbitant prices to establish myself as a premium brand."

I said, "I don't think that even qualifies as a business so much as a scheme or a regular old terrible idea."

The alligator twitched its tail.

I said, "Secondly, slaves and impressionable children were respectively wiped out by Abraham Lincoln and the Internet. If you think you can return to some bygone Romantic frontier notion of America, where the vast new continent represents the potential for growth of the human spirit, you are one naive anthropomorphic alligator riding a bicycle. I haven't even gotten to the part about how you certainly won't achieve this by becoming a purveyor of pirated baked goods funded by auctioning off the belongings of corpses in the rich-people cemetary. Good day, sir."

And that was that. Typical talking alligator riding a bicycle while wearing a diaper. I don't care if it sounds offensive, they all look the same to me. Always drifting about with tired plans of recreating modern versions of literary classics under the guise of a dubious and ill-thought out small business. The other day I heard one of them call another one a "Trash-Bulge" And I was like, "That's our word for you! Don't try to claim it!"

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So basically...what we learned from that is when I tried to pick something to be important...I chose fictional racism.