oh! follow up to Tuesday

so it was the end of the day and I'm getting the kids ready to transition from the cafeteria to the gym and a 5th grader says something to me. I forget what it was...

I said like "alright, I can't go until we're all showing that we know how to be in line."

and he was like, "just take us to the gym, Andy!"

and in a quiet voice I said, "hey, you're sassing me a lot right now. why are you bringing so much sass?"

and he goes, "I'M GETTING READY FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL"

and I cackled and said "that's a good answer" and took them all to the gym.

Tuesday

I do a lot on Tuesdays. they're long days. but good. 

monday

trying to sleep but my heart rate is weirdly high. like it won't go down to what it should be. I think it's a combination of an immune system that's working overtime and double long runs this weekend with a really hard effort Sunday. also maybe not eating and hydrating as well as I could. oops.

I was going to get up early and do a workout tomorrow but I think the extra strain at this point would not be beneficial. I was in sorry shape right before afterschool today.

so the priority is recovering and feeling like myself again. I'm probably carrying a disease and not showing symptoms. I'd be surprised if I wasn't. 

anyway, good day otherwise. I really like that it's warm. 

lol what a face on ol lumpy legs after a run

thing I'm thinking about

it seems like some people like to say they are going to do something, like in the future, and they don't feel beholden to doing it after saying it out loud. like there's enjoyment in saying it and thinking about it. I think that has freaked me out because, and maybe I'm totally wrong about this, I feel really obligated to do something if I say it out loud. Maybe I don't actually follow through with it in practice but that's how I feel. Usually it's like a fun thing or something adventurous and exciting and internally I think, "oh gosh, that would be a really big commitment and probably a total hassle." Like I can't focus on the good outcome, I just focus on the logistics of actually doing it. Or I really worry about having to say no to it in the future. Because I hate saying no to things.

I'm not trying to say either way is better. I'm trying to understand a different way of talking about future plans. And maybe this isn't a thing at all. anyway, I'm gonna try to watch out for that and not let it stress me out.

you ever

put on a shirt to go running and remember that you got it for Christmas and get hit with a wave of "I love my family so much!"?

anybody?

work reflections

I can get sappy if I want. This is my blog. It's for me. I can do whatever I want.

Anyway, having said that, I was thinking about how it's really great that at afterschool and at art class, I get interactions with the students that show me, at least to them in that moment, that I'm doing a good job.

I think I tend to ignore and downplay positive feedback and I'm thinking I should work on slowing down to appreciate and reflect on those moments.

What I tend to fixate on are moments like yesterday when a mother was picking up her kids and came to me in the gym and reported that her child had told her that he and his friends had been going to the bathroom in the woods during outside time. It kind of caught me off guard and I don't think I did the best job switching gears and reassuring her in the moment that the situation had been managed and things of this nature would not be going on. I knew about it and I work really hard to make sure the kids are supervised enough to not let something like that happen. I think what happened was that it was a new area for the kids and it coincided with a time when we were unexpectedly down a teacher so I was really strained for supervision. Now, I should have adjusted and not given the kids as much freedom in that moment.

I also think what the mother was told was probably an exaggeration from what was actually going on. Overall it's just a really weird situation. And she was really understanding but I think I'm going to follow up and just assure her that the kids are being supervised in a safe environment.

well, that wasn't really sappy it all. it was more about writing this thing down that I'm trying not to fixate on all weekend.