At some point in college I think my mom told me that my grandpa would read this blog. I really liked that. He's a pretty quiet person who doesn't tend to speak too much unless there's something he really wants to say. Anyway, I liked that he enjoyed reading what I wrote, even if it probably didn't make any sense a lot of the time. It feels like a really good connection to someone I admire and respect a lot but don't talk to as much as I would like. He's been having some troubles for a while and I'm not sure if he still read this or not. I saw him over Thanksgiving and Christmas. I wish we could have talked more. I think he's a really strong person and it's hard to see him be so down on himself. I know he's done a lot in his life that I will never have to do and that's part of the reason that I'm even here at all. I'd like to say that I still think he can do more than he might think he can right now. I don't know. It's stuff that feels hard to bring up and talk about and this seems like maybe a good space for it. That's about it.

2020

Oh man, I only posted twice last month. What a way to end the decade. I do want to keep up this blog though. This will be the third decade that this blog has existed in.

Some things I'm excited about:

today I found out about two exciting opportunities!

1- I was asked to be the director of a leadership school--an offshoot of the summer camp I worked at last summer. It pays more, has a fancy title, and makes me a professional adventure leader guy. That's really exciting! I can't wait for the summer!

2- a local musician in charlottesville asked me if I would be interested in making a poster! that's neat!

another thing I'm exciting about

-I think running is going to go really well this year. I've been having really good workouts. getting really strong. I'm excited. 2017- I had the best races of my life before getting injured for a long time. 2018- I started with injuries and worked through them and then started running A LOT! 2019- I was still running A LOT (probably too much) and had some disappointing races. Then I was starting to figure it out by the spring, had nagging injuries all summer, and things started clicking again by the Fall. So, after working through injuries and training wrong, I think I'm finally in a place to get back to or surpass that 2017 fitness. Time will tell.

another thing I'm excited about

I'm cautiously excited about this but I decided to put myself out there more and get on some dating apps 😬 we'll see.

In summation, my goals for the year are as follows:

-make after school the best it can be
-make things: art, writing, videos
-running
-teaching art
-summer camp
-relationship???

four years ago (plus about a week) I moved to charlottesville

In 4 years time I live about a block from where I first lived and I'm at the same job that I had when I got here. But a lot has happened in between and I'm a much different person than I was. I guess I moved when I was 24. That's kinda crazy to think about.

I like Charlottesville. I think I'll stay here for more years. I'm making progress.

quick post

You let the children know your weakness? Foolish.

The title of this post is the last comment I received. It's over a month old now. It grows stronger with every passing day. I open the blogger dashboard and see if I have any new comments. At the top of the page, every time, is this comment--staring back at me. It rests upon a pile of over 2,000 comments--king. "You let the children know your weakness? Foolish." Foolish. A fool. Top of the heap. An offhand, morbid remark that has yet to be overtaken and, at this point, may never be felled.

And every day I feel a little less confident and a little less powerful. As if the children are using my weakness against me. As if they are dissolving me from the inside. Victim of my own brash and prideful ways.

please help. please.

let me tell you

I think it's possible to have a totally ordinary dull day if you never once used your imagination. If you don't use your imagination how is anything magical or good going to happen. You gotta turn the faucet in to fill the water bottle.

Well, consider this faucet [on]. Stand back everyone, I'm going to imagine something.

I'm imagining a big crowd of people. They're all standing around on a golf course. There is a big mass of people and they are all looking at a book. A large leatherbound book with old wrinkled pages and menacing gold lettering on the cover in an elegant swirly script. A squirrel runs along and darts through the legs of the people gathered and sprints directly towards the book. The squirrel stands atop the book and stands up on its haunches. The book flings open, catapulting the squirrel high into the air, never to be seen again. The pages flip madly with a life of their own before settling on a page near the back of the book. Light emanates from the book and a sinister glow rises from beneath. The people are stunned. It is a summoning ritual. The thing that is summoned is me. Andy. I am summoned from the book. I crawl out out of the book and say, "hello, everyone." And the people, they are not happy. "Boo!" they yell. "Boo! and Boo forever and ever! We scorn you book man. Go back to our nightmares and never emerge from print in the future again." I am disappointed. I am unable to return to the book because of unidirectional magic and must walk away and then try to get my bearings and regroup. Such is the life in imagination.

a free write

I think the tree in my front yard is dying. I think I might have killed it when I was trying to get all the ivy off of it. I probably didn't kill it by doing that. But then I was thinking about how I would rather attribute my own actions to something bad happening than for the tree to just die for no reason completely unrelated to me. So it's like an example of the feeling of control being more important than outcome.

Which also explains a lot of behavioral issues in children. And also people in general. CONTROL!

 This kid at afterschool started an imagination mural and one of the first things I drew was this horrible fly/hornet insect with big flappy lips and globs of drool hanging out of its mouth. And had it a bag around one of its arms as if it was going around collecting flower juice and who knows what else in it. I liked it. I liked how horrible and ugly it was and the fact that it had a bag to collect instead of whatever elegant design nature would provide. Bags are funny. Just how utilitarian but also clunky they are. Bags. Just more bags. Animals with bags. It's comedy gold, baby.