one thing I think about twelve things

 in this game I'm going to name twelve things and then tell you the one thing I think about all twelve of those things at once

-oranges

-lactose intolerance

-malfeasance

-nations run by doctors

-the whole ocean

-bobcats

-philogyny

-maitre d'

-suspended disbelief

-balloons

-church

-pokemon

And the one thing that I think about all of these things is:

'you can't tell em twice what you already told em thrice'

Well, I hope you had fun here today. I know I did. Remember to check back in again to hear the story of how I had a friend who had a cousin who didn't catch their tongue animal in the womb before they were born and then it ran around the hospital and they tried to catch it but they never found it so now the hospital is haunted by the tongue and it sneaks into people's mouths when they are asleep and when they woke up they say all sorts of stuff they would never normally say like, "I wish I owned a great big plantation." And in their mind they don't want that but the tongue is making them say it.

today I'm gonna explain what I think blood is and where it comes from

 Look kids, I'm an amateur scientist. Just like all the great innovators of history I'm just a guy with some crazy ideas and a lot of confidence. And I'm not gonna tell you that I have all the answers at any given moment. But, there's no telling which answer I don't have. 

Anyway let's get into it. So if you're dehydrated your blood volume goes down. I'm pretty sure I heard that once. Don't drink water, you have less blood. This would imply that blood is water. Now, here's something else that's even more gonna make you go crazy, I heard tell somewheres else that sweat is filtered blood. And sweat is salty water. So it's like we got water coming in and water going out and at some point it's blood and then it's not. And then only draculas can drink blood and we regular nathans aren't allowed. 

If you're anything like me all these different contradictory facts are tying your noggin up in knots and making you ferociously angry. But don't worry. I have the answers that will make everything make sense.

bones?

I think it's bones. I think the water gets to the bones and makes em wet. And then you got little guys working in the bones factory and they say, "hey boss says we gotta make this water into blood by 5!" And they get to it man. I think bones have the technology.

Call it a gunch but I think the blood is coming out of the bones. That's why you need milk. Gunch is gut hunch by the way. Milk makes the bones strong so they can pump out more blood. 

Maybe you're saying to yourself, Andy if that's true then why do skeletons in media not leak blood wherever they go. To which I'd say, in the real world the sun doesn't actually wear sunglasses. Maybe all the artists of the world are too afraid of how cool and accurate that would look if animated skeletons were oozing blood. I think that would look great and would help teach the kids. 

Anyway thank you for learning with me and stay tuned for next time when I'll explain how your tongue is actually a little animal that you catch in your mouth while you're in the womb and one time I knew this kid who had a cousin who didn't catch their tongue in time and then they were born and the tongue escaped and was running around the hospital. And that kid's name was Eh-Oh.

she was a captain and the sea made her blood boil

 Her ship was rusty. It was an iron ship with wooden nails holding planks of iron together. They all laughed and sneered and said, "by the great Poseidon, that vessel'll never float or our names aren't collectively Bob Seager." She boarded her boat for the first time to shove off and with her back turned to the jeering crowd she said in a low voice, "all your words are stupid and bad."

To the amazement of all who were present, her ship did float. It floated too well, in fact. A craft whose construction defied all sense floated so well that it hovered several inches above the water, not touching it at all. "Curse this wretched sea," she sneered. And to be a walking, sailing oddity and to tire of oddities and to wonder when the oddities will cease is to sail the great blue ocean and hope to find the spot where it dries up.

Water water everywhere, come again another day. If you don't, I don't care. I'll pull down your underwear.

 He sat down at his chair. His chair at his desk. His desk at its place in the study. The study in the upstairs of the house. The house on the plot of land. The plot of land on the street. The street in the town. The town in the county. The county on the desk. The desk in repose. The pose on the model. The model on the stage. The stage at the convention. The convention in the arena. The arena in the parking lot. The parking lot placed perilously atop a precipitous perch. The perch above the ocean. The ocean in the bucket. The bucket in the shed. The shed in the alley. The alley incomplete. The pleated pants in the closet. The closet in a blade of grass. The blade of grass for the bug. The bug in the rug. The rug on the floor. The floor of the house that Jack built. The house on the hill. The hill in the sky. The sky belonging entirely to itself. The self in the mind. The mind in the body. The body in the circus. The circus in the circus. The circus in the heart. The heart in the man. The man in the mirror. The mirror in the vestibule. The vestibule in the trailer. The trailer in the ditch. The ditch in the gully. The gully in the valley. The valley in the bog. The bog in the state park. The state park in Alaska. Alaska in the night. The night in aurora borealis.

Aurora Borealis.

At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

yes 

 It was a sunny afternoon. Far too sunny and far too afternoon. Every moment kept bleeding into the next and it was impossible to stand still and find a single reference point a single reference point a single reference point and be located in space and time like a crow like crows on the roofs of buildings watching and ca-cawing and cataloging the goings-ons of the down belows

below

below

below

below

Matthew Values is circling and encircling an agreed upon area to find its weight and worth in his steps is a silent appraisal that estimates the breadth and depth of terms. Movement is tracking the movement the tracking is movement. Circle and a square. Bridge the divide. The gap between what it is and what it is not. An irrational infinity apart.

He felt a sort of only coffee way that an empty pit in his stomach couldn't ------- but it --------- and even then he knew what he didn't. It would have to be decided and added up in the end. Sum totaled. The sun totaled. The sun toad was under the road. The son told the sun toad under the road that some mode would erode the old. It was like trying to hold water in a bucket but the bucket was spaghetti and the water was spaghetti and it was like holding spaghetti that was very very very difficult to hold.

in an ancient land

 In an ancient land, long ago, far away, but maybe also--right here, when men barked like dogs because dogs hadn't been invented yet to do man's barking for him. There was a great commotion all about the large house that everyone lived in together. Everyone was barking like mad. For on this day a baby had been born who would hold the key to everything. The key to mankind's destiny. The one who would give shape to the stars and plot and chart the circumference of nearly everything. The birth heard round the house.

This baby was an incredible powerful and strong child. If the people had possessed speech they would've first dubbed him 'The Strangler'. An ignominious epithet to be sure but one that could not be more fitting. The baby loved to crush anything crushable in his magnificent grip. Eventually though, the grasping would give way to seizing. Because this wee lad was on his way to seizing more than had ever been soze. 

What other ominous signs were present on the day of his birth? Well, the moon was full. But it was cloudy so you couldn't really tell. And the owls screeched, 'Holy mother of maple leafs! This next one coming up is a real doozy of a whelp.' But the people of the land could not heed the owls cries. For the owls had decided it was much too fun messing with them. And that if they ever got hold of speech, they would use it for nought but ill. And it would not satisfy the humans to merely speak of catching small rodents and vomiting pellets. No, the humans would surely invent awful institutions that made living nearly intolerable and would completely lose the plot. Better for their own sake to leave them to barks and growls and the sweet sonic stylings of the didgeridoo.

But deep within the consciousness of the newly born babe, there was a seed that already knew of the talk of the owls. And it knew of the other tricks and and secrets of the animals. And the seed said, "It will all be mine. I just gotta have it. Gimme me gimme me gimme me you rats one and all."

------------------------------------------------------------------------   

That was a scrap of something. I want to create more stuff this year.

did you know that 'wrought' is the old past tense of 'work'? like instead of saying 'worked' you'd say wrought.

From sun up to sun down I have wrought this day and now I take my slumber.

 you ever think if you remembered everything that you forgot to say that it would make a difference?

one time I carved a mushroom out of a piece of cedar wood and right now in the evening 6:20 PM light it looks red in a particular way I've never seen before

and that's a true story

I feel lucky to be me

why do olives make oil but every other fruit makes juice?

dream learning

 last night I did that thing where a Youtube video was playing that I fell asleep too and I was fully asleep and dreaming but I could also hear the video in my dream and was listening to it. And when I woke up I played the video again and could remember parts of it from my dream. 

but in the dream I was just in a classroom that was also watching the video.

I've unlocked sleep learning.

If you don't know why this is important then you have already never seen the episode of Dexter's Laboratory where he needs to learn French in one night so he puts on a 'Learn French' instructional tape and listens to it while he sleeps but the tape player malfunctions and so all night he only hears the phrase 'omelette du fromage'  and when he wakes up all he can say is 'omelette du fromage'. 

I can't emphasize enough how pivotal this episode was to my childhood. It affected me in ways that are still being felt to this day.

I have a phone again

morsh

 

 

phone fell in the toilet this morning :(

screen is malfunctioning 

 

art made from trash

 

 I've had the They Might Be Giants Dial a Song Anthology for over 20 years and within the past week I've started to listen to the song 'Pet Name' nonstop. Previously it had been a song that I'd never paid attention to and something about one listen at a particular time made me love it.

So that's cool.

more pics of me at camp

 first day back of sprinting, lifting, and climbing today! went very well

but these are pictures of me from a little bit ago

 

 

 

I'm cucumber rich

 I'm cucumber rich.

I'm cucumber rich.

I'm rich in cucumbers right now.

I'm cucumber rich.

I am cucumber rich.

Me as a carrot and brak

 

hey I'm back

 best two weeks of camp I ever done did

2 weeks on deck

 give it all you got buttercup!!

overall a good day

 

past few weeks

 

camp tomorrow

 should be really really fun

wednesday rotations for the ages

 since 2019 I have run a game in the Wednesday rotations at camp. Where all the campers are split into teams of various ages and go from station to station, counselor to counselor, competing in 10 to 15 minute games. But today, after talking a lot of smack, I was placed on a team and allowed to compete instead. 

I won. And not because I was older than everyone else. But because I knew how to get the most out of my team. And taught them how to fight for every point and push for every advantage. 

But actually it was very fun. I did really win though. 

There's something quasi-spiritual almost going on. If you really stretch it. But there's this thing that happens where the oldest campers don't want to participate in the games anymore because they feel like it's not fun and they want to do what the counselors are doing and run the games. They think that's the fun thing to do. Or that's like the next step or whatever. So then today I swapped places with them and they ran the games and I participated. But it's like, the reason I have fun running a game is the same reason I had fun playing the games. And the reason they don't enjoy being on a team is the same reason they didn't like running the game. You think you've gone somewhere different and you're doing a new thing but really you're doing the same thing as before.

Or it's like how interesting people are people who are interested in others and the world. The game is 'be engaged and engage with others.' But what a lot of people think the game is is 'have authority and use authority.' That game is trash. It's not even a game.

I'm aware that it's ridiculous to be saying all this about games played in a field with children but I do think on an abstract level it matters if you're ever part of anyone sort of team or existing in a group. 

kids are funny

 We were eating breakfast at camp and I was sitting at this table with two sisters and one of the sisters says to her sister, "Do you eat everything one by one or do you move around from thing to thing?" And the older sister answers, "I eat everything one by one." And the little sister says, "I move around."

And I said, "One of your parents probably does one and one of your parents probably does the other. That's where you got it from. I'm sure of it. Everything you do is determined by your parents. Everything."

I was making it out to be some huge girl and the older sister says in a bone dry voice, "Oh yeah, Andy? Everything? Even your eye color?"

That's funny. The timing. The tone. I know it doesn't carry over to text but it was surgical execution.

there's this brother and sister who are new to camp this year

 older brother and younger sister and they're just the two best kids you've ever seen. they're positive and they love playing games and they get along with just about anyone.

today the boy told me, "I really like when you play games because you try when you have to and you're funny but you also let everyone else on the team do things." And it was a very sweet and genuine compliment. 

whoever raised those kids is really doing something right.

happy father's day

 there are a couple key concepts my dad explained to me from a very young age that I'd like to share.

"let's go like we're trying to get somewhere"

    this means let's make our actions align with our intentions. if we want to be at a specific place at a specific time, let's stop standing around and actually take the steps to do it.

"don't get in front of me and slow down."

    this was said to me when we used to walk around the mall growing up. I would get in front of him and then slow down which was annoying. but also like, don't take the lead on something and then make things worse for the people you're leading. if we really want to abstractify it.

"no style style"

    We would go to the dollar tree and my dad would pick out cheap sunglasses and he would explain that these glasses exhibited "no style style" which was the kind of style that let everyone know that you didn't have any style. pretty forward thinking in a lot of ways. Although a few weeks ago my dad told me this was actually a really bad idea because cheap sunglasses don't have UV protection so your eye opens to let in more light but then it's not protected from the UV light so it's worse than not wearing sunglasses at all. 

 "cookie physics"

    One time my dad pushed a whole sleeve of knock-off oreos into a single small cup by combining them with milk and then stirring so that it removed all the air and it created a denser and denser concoction of cookie-milk that he kept referring to as "cookie physics"

"sweater jackets/ sweater coats"

    If a jacket or a coat has a zipper but is made of a soft sweater like material then that is a sweater-coat and that is the main garment for going outside if the temperature is anywhere between about 60 and 40 degrees.

there are many other concepts but those are the big ones I could think of and I love my dad

adequate lifeguard award

only one can truly be deemed 'adequate lifeguard'

 

life's so good sometimes

it really is.

you go paddle and have fun on the river with great people. and get paid to do it?!

that's good. you can't say it's not. 

you can't say a whole bunch of things but you gotta admit it's pretty good

my sister turns 30 today!

 My sister is so cool. She's such a great person and I feel lucky that I get to be related to her. I bet people meet my sister and think, 'wow she's so nice and pleasant to be around! what a good egg.' And I get to be related to someone like that and call them my sister. Really tremendous. Really tremendous.

camp noir

 Kids like to kick balls in the pavilion. They like to punt them hard up in the air. They lose a game and they lose their minds. They kick the ball. They don't think anything of it. Put their thoughts and feelings in an inflated piece of rubber and boot it all away. Nobody gets hurt.

But they're wrong. People do get hurt. They get hit in the face. The back of the head. Their water bottle sent flying. It's irresponsible and dangerous to send a projectile flying that fast in an enclosed area. 

Stop kicking the balls in here. I say.

But they never listen.

To make matters worse, there are exposed light bulbs all over the rafters. A ticking time bomb of glass and gas. 

Finally, it happens. Kid loses a game of Elijahball. He can't handle it. He's heard the warnings. He knows the rules. He doesn't care. Kick the ball. Kick the ball. Kick the ball. What could go wrong.

Smash! Crash!

The glass rains down in a million tiny shards.

"Everybody out." I say it loud but calm. I hate being right. 

I know it's a losing battle. Give kids a bunch of rubber balls and expect them not to kick it. That's like leading a horse to water and expecting it not to drink. You can't win. You just gotta be the one who's ready to clean up the aftermath.

you ever so much you can't even anymore

 not me. I much never run out. Give it a best and it's bound to end up all the way. I'm talking up and down. With it as many times as it needs and that's something. I'd be pressed if it wasn't there before. Talking walking cralking and chalking as if it needs no introduction. With all with out with in and with for by the shining dining lining light of the shore. Forevermore. Forevermore. 

Does he know about the d-o-r-e?

the dore.

 today at the brunch for my sister's 30th birthday we started talking about this coffee mug that my dad has always used and we were trying to remember what animals were on it and then my mom and dad were like, 'oh yeah those penguins are doing naughty things on that mug.'

what?! novelty raunchy penguin mug??? the whole time?? my entire life?

tetherball cavemen

 we put up a new tetherball ball this year and the tether was a little too short so none of the little kids could even pretend to play. it took all of like 5 minutes to fix it but I brought a long a little crew of campers while I fetched a ladder and some extra rope and we all acted like cavemen foraging for food and technology. solid bit.

I also did a Wednesday rotation game where I was a game show host and they were contestants on my show 'Andy's Platform Gameshow: The only Field Camp game show that takes place on the new Field Camp platforms'

And I told a big loud story about how I put a cup in a drainage pipe in a settling tank.And explained the difference between flotsam and jetsam. 

AND after I had the ladder for the tetherball job I did a bit where instead of standing or sitting with the rest of the group I would sit on top of my ladder. 

that's like 4 good bits in addition to other bits that I didn't even tell you about.

the flower is BLOOMING

years on the river

 Around 2022 or so I became responsible for driving a trailer full of kayaks and I had to learn a lot of things and apply them really fast. I had to learn how to drive a 12 passenger van with a fully loaded trailer  attached AND how to reverse with it in tight spots. I had to learn how to load a trailer full of kayaks and secure them with ratchet straps. It was extremely stressful the first summer I did it because I made mistakes and sometimes those mistakes were on a highway with kayaks coming loose and there wasn't much I could do. Around that same time there was also a boy who would sign up for every kayaking trip and he also didn't always have a great idea of what he was doing. He would get his kayak stuck on every rock and if he wasn't way behind the group then he would often be loud and annoying and kinda put everyone else in a bad mood.

Anyway fast forward to now and in the past two days we (me and the boy) are like experts at all things kayak and trailers. We load the trailer together. There was something wrong with it yesterday and he immediately figured out what was wrong and started taking the hitch apart to figure out how it worked and I didn't even know that was a thing you could do. It was incredible. He's a strong paddler now and he's still kinda goofy but on the river he carries himself like a guy who knows what he's doing and looks out for other people. It's not a stretch to say that he's pretty cool now. As for me, there's this tricky turnaround at the boat ramp and in the past it's given me a lot of trouble and this morning I was whipping the van through it.

It's really cool to think about how me and this kid have grown and become pretty competent at this thing that we both had no business doing to begin with. I also knew this kid's older brother when the older brother was in 2nd grade and I was his afterschool teacher and now the older brother is going to be a senior in high school. Crazy.

I should think about this stuff more but I really only remember it when the summer is happening. It's really special.

kids had a fun day today and that's a good day's work

 kids deserve to have fun.

AND they deserve my literary analysis of what Dav Pilkey meant when he used the phrase "noontime haze" in the 11th book in the Captain Underpants Series. Everyone deserves that.

noontime haze.

Apparently noontime haze is a type of vinyl flooring you can get.

William Carlos Williams The Red Wheelbarrow

 so much depends

upon

a red wheel

barrow

glazed with rain

water

beside the white

chickens

------------------------------------------------

He's using WORDS. To create a MOMENT. An IMAGE. And the image has more space and resonance than just the words you're reading

it's like

---------------

|                   |

|                   |

---------------

Those lines there work together to suggest a larger space. That's why in the poem so much depends on the things he's describing. It's a space for you to sit in and be there. 

And you're a cool person who thinks about the emotional resonance of looking at a red wheelbarrow next to some chickens after it rains. You're just present. Haven't you ever had a moment where you were really really present? If you haven't, you gotta go do that. As soon as possible. You gotta find a way to make it happen. I'm telling you. William Carlos Williams is telling you. So much depends upon it. You gotta be present.

Albert Camus said there were 4 conditions for being happy. Life in the open air. Love for another being. Freedom from ambition. Creation.

Top of the list. Right there. Life in the open air. That's the Red Wheelbarrow! The poem is describing life in the open air. How could it not be? Rain? Chickens? Wheelbarrows? Ain't gonna find that in no not open air. No way.

This stuff's not hard you just gotta yammer on it and have something you believe all the way down.

i'll tell you what I love

 playing games in a field that's what I love

the power of friendship

 got some help from friends who were able to turn what would've been a really stressful and frustrating evening into a good time and I'm really thankful for that.

and also my parents who helped me so much the past few weeks. 

I prefer to be independent when I can but when I need help and get it, that's a really affirming feeling. it makes me want to do good.

flowers aren't flowers underground

 y'know?

they're just a seed. doing nothing. laying roots perhaps. but nothing visible. And then when they're ready and the time is right and the conditions are perfect they BLOOM. 

that's my approach to summer. there's a lot I'm going to do and it's the busiest time of my year and there's this temptation when I have more free time to think 'I gotta get ready! I gotta prepare." 

But no. I gotta be like a flower.

boring training recap and plans for summer training

way back in the nascent time of August 2024 I set out to achieve strength goals by the far-off futuristic date of June 2025.

And like the crashing of waves over so many fields of ducks, that time has come.

the goals were! bench 200lbs, squat 250lbs, run 11.9 seconds for 100m, hang +70lbs on a 20mm hangboard edge for 10 seconds, do a one arm pull-up.

here's the breakdown

bench 200lbs- I did this! I did it on March 14th! Hooray!

squat 250lbs- Current best sits at 225lbs. This was a shoot for the moon, land among the stars type goal. Or shoot for the stars, land on the moon. If you think about it, from a practical standpoint, it should be shoot for the stars, land on the moon. Because the moon is way way closer. But if you didn't know anything about space travel and were just looking at the night sky I can see why you'd say shoot for the moon and land among the stars. Because of their relative sizes. But anyway, I set a big goal and I went from not really being able to squat properly to squatting two plates and that's really exciting and I'm proud of that. 250 doesn't seem too far off and I've decided that my ultimate goal is 300lbs which would be roughly 2x bodyweight and I think I could hang my squat-hat on that and try other stuff. 

run 11.9 seconds for 100m. On August 18th, 2024 I ran a new personal best of 12.59 for 100m and then on May 4th 2025 I improved by exactly one one-hundredth of a second and ran 12.58 and that's where my PR stands. So, in some ways, sub-12 is pretty far off. BUT! Also on May 4th I ran a new 50m best of 6.14, which if you double that you'd run a 12.28. I also broke 27 seconds for 200m for the first time on May 11th. All of this is to say that I made improvements but that 11.9 is more of a long term goal than a medium goal. And I'm making progress. Sprinting is funny though. You can be stuck for months and then have a day where you feel good, loaded up with caffeine, good temperatures, and the right wind and you can run way better than you ever have before. Sprinting is a bit like fishing. You gotta be in the right place and the right time and your training helps you be ready to capitalize on it. Lifting is a bit more like, uh, building a barn. Just do it. Affix lumber to lumber. Board by board.

the hangboard goal.- I did this one! back in January. And then I upped that goal to +50% bodyweight. And then I did that on March 9th. And then I started moonboarding! And that's been fun. 

One Arm Pull-Up- Through the Fall and Winter I made some decent progress towards this goal and then at some point I really stalled and plateau'd and kinda gave up entirely on pull-ups once I started moonboarding. And then on Sunday I almost did a one-arm pull-up out of nowhere. It was like I could just do one. I'd say like 80 to 85% of full range of motion. Probably I was just fatigued and resting allowed me to actually pull my hardest. But that was a nice surprise because I'd kind of given up on that goal and it was nice to be rewarded both for the hard work I'd put in and also for giving up. 

Overall, a really successful season of training. 

Goals for August 2025.

+90lbs for 10s on 20mm, one-arm pull-up, 250lbs squat, 300lbs box squat, 135lbs overhead press, 100m in 12.40

what did we learn last summer? climbing and camp don't mix so we're back to hangboarding! another thing I've learned is that my fingers can handle about a month of moonboarding 3 times a week and then the fatigue builds and doesn't go away so a rest seems necessary. maybe I'll try climbing once a week. maybe. also bench has now been replaced with barbell overhead press. because we love shoulders.

if you made it this far then lots of bisous for you xxxxxxx

 listen. listen this is important. I'm going to tell you something important and need you to listen and understand. 

A formative experience in my life was the few years in late high school and early college when I would go to an open mic night on Thursdays at a diner in Harrisonburg called the Little Grill. And the Little Grill open mic night was often run by a man named Chris Howdyshell who had a band and worked at the diner and was the mc and would also perform and whether I knew it in that moment or not I was aspiring to be like him and molded by personality to be more like him. The first post on this blog is a story I read at the Little Grill open mic back in 2011. 

And one fateful night Chris Howdyshell got on stage and said that he was into Tom Waits and performed an original song about Tom Waits and I think he also sang a Tom Waits song 

"sitting there just like Tom Waits"

was a line I think. It was a beautiful moment. It's a moment I'm still chasing. Everyone has moments they're chasing. In no particular order, these are some moments I'm still chasing

-sitting in the Little Grill diner at the end of the night listening to Chris Howdyshell perform

-long runs in college with friends

-camp

-smooches n such

There are probably more. Or there could also be less. But the point is I was too young at the time to appreciate Tom Waits's monster gravel voice and what he was saying. I like that Chris Howdyshell liked him but I didn't get it. 

But now I get it. I heard a clip of a Tom Waits song while I was scrolling the other day and my soul and heart has finally accumulated enough gravel and grit and detritus for Tom Waits to find purchase. 

And upon further and tangential reflection here's what I've realized

Here's the moment I'm still chasing. I've just pieced it all together. It makes sense. I've figured it out.

In Kindergarten I would never shut-up and on some level I knew they were making fun of me as they did this but they made me the ringleader of the class circus and they gave me this big colorful plastic microphone and a tophat maybe and my job was to just spout any thought that came into my head and announce the acts. And really at its core the summer camps and the coaching and Chris howdyshell at the Little Grill open mic night is all the ringleader of a kindergarten circus and that just might be the essence of my social existence.

also I'm into Tom Waits now a little. The point of the post was to tell you that I kinda like at least one Tom Waits song now. But then along the way I took the derivative of my identity farther than I've ever taken it. That's a little bonus.

 I like delusional people

I like people who have to express themselves

I like people who care so much about something that it consumes them

I like people who are grumpy to most and nice to small children

I like people who are self-effacing

I like people who quote things

I like people who use the different word

I like people who have a lot going on in their brain

I like people who can't quit

I like people who want to be good at something and make sacrifices to do it

I like people who like a nice shaded field of grass

I had to look up what self-effacing means and it didn't mean what I thought it meant but I put it anyway because I like the way self-effacing sounds

I like people who know how to play a character and they enjoy doing it

I like people who think about the feelings of others but aren't consumed by them

I like people who can't help themselves sometimes

I like people who pay attention and remember

I like the type of person who would read this list and wonder if they are that type of person and then, maybe, be overwhelmed by all the different things and maybe have a small existential crisis and then be like, no wait that's dumb who cares it's fine.

based on your habits and what you spend your time on, what is your life building a monument to?

 any saturday where I can sit around, that's a good saturday

mega session today!

 everything felt really good. Warmed up and pulled 120lbs on a 20mm edge with my right hand for 6 seconds and lifted it off the ground with my left. That ties my best I think. 

Then I sent my first V7 on the moonboard second go. I dropped the first move in a silly way and then felt very comfortable on the send go. 

Very nearly sent ladybug and learned a lot about how to do the last move. That could go Sunday or next Friday. 

Sent a v5/6c to bring total up to 15 6c's and then tried a v6 and nearly flashed it! I was on the next to last hold thinking, 'holy shmoly I'm gonna do it' and then the heel I had placed popped and I fell. Dang. Very happy with that though. 

Hadn't done weighted pull-ups in months and met or exceeded my previous bests. I did 3 sets of 5 with 53lbs and felt pretty good so then I tried one set of 3 with +50% bodyweight and felt good so I went for one rep of +100lbs and it moved better than it's ever moved before so that was awesome. 

I have a very mild cold but I've rested really well the past two days so it made for a pretty great day. 

And my sister is moving to town today!

And my parents have been helping me out at camp and it's great and I really appreciate them.

And um, 

my neighbor and I were talking and he hates warm rain and I hate cold rain and we got into a discussion about the line in Natasha Bedingfield's timeless classic Unwritten,

Reaching for something in the distance

so close you can almost taste it

release your inhibitions

feel the rain on your skin!

Is the rain in that song a cold rain or a warm rain? What do you think and why?

lately I've been into making my dreams and wishes come true

 it's, uh, pretty dope

shout out to me 10 years ago

that's a solid joke!

I don't care what anyone says. That holds up. 

I never minded holding space for you.

It was so easy to do.

I only work for free.

There are a million ways you can show someone that they are precious to you.

Dylan Thomas said, 

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower

Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees

Is my destroyer.

And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose

My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

3 sentence story

 He was all out of breaths. He had used them all up in a round contest. A spheric victory.

nearly flashed a V7 (fingers crossed) and did ladybug (V7) in two parts!

Trying fingers crossed was my first climb of the day and I got to the top and didn't know how I was still on and then dropped the move to the finish hold! Then I lost the magic a little bit and couldn't recreate the attempt. But I'm really confident it will go on a day when I'm feeling good.

ladybug has some pretty easy intro moves and then a big huck to the finish and I can do the intro pretty comfortably but the last move I'm still learning. I stuck it one time out of about six tries but I'm also confident this one will go soon. I was happy with my progression in learning the move. I pretty quickly went from not quite touching the hold to being able to stick it so that was good. I'm noticing a little more pop and springiness than I've had in the past and that is encouraging to see progress in what I've been working on.

Had a good workout after. I've swapped bench press with a barbell overhead press and that's been fun. 

if I can make camp the best part of someone's year, that's really powerful

if I can make practice the best part of someone's day, that's really powerful

if I can make an interaction the best part of someone's day, that's really powerful

if you asked I would have to say yes

 I would have to. I would have to. I would have to.

What?

Here's the point. I did the thing where I ran really hard and I nearly made myself sick and the thing I like about that is 1) trying really really hard at something and 2) having an altered experience. Both of those things are great.Have a body--use it!

saw sinners with my friend!

 thanks to Justin aka Crab for visiting me and taking me to see sinners. it was great!

he also watched me try to look competent while I flailed around on the moonboard for an hour. a good friend if there ever was one.

learn something new every day

today this girl I coach taught me that odontoclasts are these cells that eat at your baby teeth and make em fall out. and then I guess they don't do anything after that. 

Did you know that most mammals have baby teeth? If you had told me that only humans have baby teeth, I'd believe you. I know extremely little about babies. Why don't people talk about puppies and kittens losing their baby teeth? It's probably because they just eat them I bet. 

Humans are the only animals that have baby teeth AND don't eat them. There's some fun misinformation you can use at a party or a funeral or something.

in another life I was a tree

haven't peaked yet!

 I would probably never confront anyone about this but I think it's annoying when people complain about getting older. I hear people even younger than me saying stuff like that! Today I sent a hard moonboard climb and then ran a new (tiny improvement) 100m best time. I'm stronger, quicker, and more flexible than I've ever been! To me, feeling older has a lot more to do with lifestyle, priorities, and attitude than the actual age you are. Also,

the existence of at, bat, cat, dat, eat, fat, gat, and hat implies the existence of something called 'iat'

 

the lyrics to I'll Be Your Mirror from the Velvet Underground and Nico presented without commentary

I'll be your mirror

Reflect what you are, in case you don't know

I'll be the wind, the rain, and the sunset

The light on your door to show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind

That inside you're twisted and unkind

Let me stand to show that you are blind

Please, put down your hands

'Cause I see you

I find it hard to believe you don't know

The beauty you are

But if you don't, let me be your eyes

A hand to your darkness so you won't be afraid

climbing fit

 sent climbs both large and small among other shenanigannery

the importance of being earnest

 "If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life."

I squated 225lbs today!

 heeby deeby! that felt good!

I got a new plant today!

 welcome to the apartment, new plant. 

Practicing Gratitude

 grateful for a good dentist check-up, good spring weather, a body that works good, good friends, food, the people in my community, my plants, and good things yet to happen.

on turning 34

"haHA! I've achieved inner peace and you probably haven't yet!"

"haHA! I've aligned my resolve with my intentions!"

"haHA! I understand that it's a song you're supposed to sing and dance to and not a game you're meant to win or lose!"

Just kidding. I also hope that you achieve all those things. And I only feel those types of ways sometimes. But Maw Maw said I'm doing good and that's worth a lot too.

I dropped the last move on MAGNUM (V6) and did Feet Cut Var (V6) in two parts!

moonboard update. really pleased with my climbing session today. goal was to work hard moves with little to no expectation of sending anything and I ended up doing a lot of moves! were they easy for the grade? yeah for sure. But I still did them! big confidence booster.

it's my birthday tomorrow!

happy to be alive. here's to another year of getting older and better.

 I like life best when it's a weird little play that you put on for yourself and others

A line I'll never not think about is from Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground

'And every breath that is in your lungs is a tiny little gift to me.'

did the opposite of doom scrolling today

 I went outside to my little patio area and I enjoyed the view. The clouds were covering the sunset but it was still golden hour and I stood at this sidewall that overlooks the parking lot and the backs of the businesses I live behind and the trees behind those and the road in the distance and I looked and listened.

felt real good. might become an evening routine. 

Baudrillard and colorful objects

 I just remembered at the afterschool program I went to growing up that if you did something bad they would put you in time out but they didn't call it time out they called it "sit in the brown chairs" because there used to be brown chairs in the lobby of this building which was a public recreation center that also had a childcare program but then soon after I started going there they got new chairs and they were purple but 'go sit in the purple chairs' didn't have the same ring to it and so they still called it 'go sit in the brown chairs' and I think that's a beautiful thing.

It gets at what Baudrillard called in Simulacra and Simulation the 4 stages of sign order.

So in the first stage the brown chairs refer to actual chairs that are brown where you sit when you've done something bad.

The second stage is a perversion of reality where now the brown chairs refers to chairs that aren't actually brown at all. The purple chairs.

And then in the third stage it would be like if the chairs were gotten rid of entirely. And "go sit in the brown chairs" meant that you just stand in a spot where it is believed that the chairs used to be.

And then in the final stage there is no connection to reality whatsoever. And so 'sit in the brown chairs' purely means you are in trouble but you don't go to any location or do anything. You're just in an abstract state of being that is known as "sitting in the brown chairs." 

This is also similar to the therapeutic boarding school I worked at where if you did something bad you were put on something called "green sheet" which was an actual green sheet of paper that you carried around with you throughout the day but if a boy said "I'm on green sheet" you know that that referred more to their standing within the community than the actual green piece of paper. And then being the boys they were some started referring to it as "gren shen" and so they would just go around saying "gren shen. gren shen."

There's not really a point to any of this I just think it's interesting.

license plate

 yesterday I saw a vanity license plate and the only thing I could remember about it was that it belonged to an annoying person. but I couldn't remember anything else about them. 90% sure I didn't like them though.

It's like when a dog growls at something for no reason. oooo I don't know what that is or what it does but something inside tells me I'm supposed to hate it. 

comfort eagle the album

 I heard the Cake song 'Love You Madly' on the radio yesterday and then I remembered that I have the album it's on, Comfort Eagle. And I've been listening to it and I can't believe how good this album is. I've heard it many times but I haven't listened to it all the way through in a while and now I'm going to share my favorite parts of each song.

Opera Singer- My favorite thing about this song is the syncopation (?) or the timing John McCrea uses but I can't sing a lot with it. I mean I can sing along with it but I can't do it perfectly. Like perfectly perfectly. I've tried so many times. Using 100% of my brainpower. I know all the words but he never comes in on the beat and there lines he repeats but he changes them each time slightly. I don't know. Every time I start this album it's a challenge to sing along to the first song and come in at the right time and I can never do it perfectly. That was a weird start and it makes it seem like I don't know how music works but you have to listen to the song to know. He's doing some crazy stuff. All the other songs I can sing along to. Literally any other song in any language ever I can sing along to. It's just this one. Probably no one can. 

Meanwhile, Rick James- The best line in this song is 'We will swim in your kidney. Kidney-shaped pool." What a twist! Also, I always thought the chorus was "Meanwhile, Rick James takes anew" Like he's...doing a new take or something? Because he's a musician? But no I just looked up the lyrics and it's "Meanwhile, Rick James takes her nude." And I don't like that. I'm not gonna sing it that way. 

Shadow Stabbing- The consonants in these lyrics are incredible.

adjectives on a typewriter

he moves his words like prize fighter

the frenzied pace of a mind inside the cell

The crunchy sounds are so good. Also this song is used in the opening sequence of a movie I saw on TV once. Orange County starring Jack Black. I don't remember the movie at all but I remember this song was in it.

Short Skirt, Long Jacket- I heard this song for the first time on WNRN with my mom in the car and we thought it was the coolest funniest thing we've ever heard.

Commissioning a Symphony in C- I'm going to say this and you won't believe me and you won't understand but there's a line that goes:

"to your nephew you can give it as a present"

And it scratches my brain in a way that no other delivery does. It's like when water is flowing so smoothly that it doesn't look like it's moving at all. The way those words move together unlocks something in my brain. I can't explain further.

Arco Arena- I think of this song as the intro to Comfort Eagle and the only lyrics are "YA!" and there's a couple YA moments and it's a very satisfying build and then you yell YA! I guess there are also some 'heys' or something.

Comfort Eagle- Every time I sing all the words to this song I get...mouth fatigue? Like it's tiring to sing all the words and only this song does this. He's doing this kind of talk-singing thing and the words are relentless. It's very fun. I love this song.

Favorite line: The double wide shine on the boot heels of your prime

Long Line of Cars: This is a good song but it is the first potential skip. But also it's commentary on how car-centric American life is and I like that kind of commentary. It's a good song.

Love You Madly- I first heard this song from like a JMU Acapella group when I was in high school. Oh and Comfort Eagle I first heard in like an old flash animation back when websites just hosted animations that people made. The crazy thing about this album is that I have like old old memories of all these songs before I ever owned the actual CD that I bought from a Goodwill in Harrisonburg with my sister one summer. It's like if through your life you met all these different people that you formed meaningful relationships with and then when you were like 27 or something you found out they were all related. Anyway the best line in this song is "when I kiss your lips I want to sink down to the bottom of the sea."

Pretty Pink Ribbon- This song confuses me. The lyrics

Your cancer would eat to the bone

your muscles would bulge underground

your demons would all be around

without the pretty pink ribbon

you'd end up just like me

I still don't know what this one is about. Well, I guess those lyrics are pretty clear. But then the rest of the song has nothing to do with any of that stuff. I don't know. 

World of Two- I think Cake wanted to make a song that like a best man or maid of honor could sing at a wedding. Or a parent maybe? It's clearly about being close to someone who is presumably getting married. It's a nice song to end the album on. There's this part at the end where he goes

It's not that I don't think you are

two of the most

perfectly

beautiful

people in your world 

in your world of two

Anyway, I could understand if people don't like these songs as much as I do. I think you either like John McCrea's voice or you don't. But I do and like I said I heard a lot of these songs growing up and I love the lyrics and how they sound. So there you go you read that whole thing and if you did then I'm proud of you and I love you. 

my birthday is in ten days so I'm writing a poem

when you are my age

and your birthday is soon

and on your way home

a rock chipped your windshield

then for your birthday

you ask for a 

new windshield

It's more of a song really. You gotta sing it.

Wealth is being free from wants.

people look at me and probably think,

 "that guy--that guy doesn't know how to stack Adirondack chairs on a tractor. no way."

Well guess what I do. I do know that. I can haul 15 to 16 at once baby. I am a tractor man. Who knows his own feelings and the feelings of others too. A modern day Da Vinci some could say. 

work endorphins

do I like work?

do I enjoy labor?

do I feel satisfaction like I haven't felt in a long time after a day spent going around doing tasks??

Acquiring items. Moving things from place to place. Operating machinery!

Yes. Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that at like 4pm on Saturday I'd spent the day doing nothing and I had a moment where I was like, "I feel bad. I feel like I don't want to do anything and that I might never want to do anything ever again. This is not normal. Something is wrong with me."

And then today at 4pm I was driving home only so I could turn around and do more work and I was like, "Something is deeply right with me and the world right now."

Nothing good or bad happened in either scenario. One I didn't do much of anything and the other I did a bunch of stuff.

Am I a busy bee??? I thought I hated being busy. I thought I was the champion of idleness and indolence.

Much to think about. Much to consider.

no more writing about quotes

 I have looked through many of them and I find them all lacking and limp.

I will now draw wisdom from my own experience.

I was in a bad mood getting groceries and I dropped my cart off at the front of the store and carried my bags to my car. I put the bags in the passenger seat and closed the door and turned around and saw that the person in the car like three spots from me had just left their cart right by their car. So someone else was going to have to return it and it was also taking up like two parking spots. They were just sitting in their car so I stared at the back of their head the whole time as I walked over, took their cart, returned it to the cart return and then stared at them on my way back to my car. And then they drove off all fast and ran a bunch of stop signs and were being way too aggressive and I was like, "Guess what? You're dumb."

gas station celsius

“Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.”

Hunter S Thompson Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Of course it meant something.

mostly I just yearn

big yearner

the thing I love about yearning is that you have to do it. what am I gonna do? not yearn? what even is that? 

top 3 parts of the human condition

-joy and laughter

-yearning

-pain suffering and loss

-honorary mentions to boredom and dread

I feel like I make an effort to experience laughter and joy but you can't just be there all the time. Pain suffering and dread we really try to avoid as much as possible. And then it's not even a choice between boredom and yearning. 

"I'm bored."

How could you be bored when there's something you could be yearning for? That's crazy.

we like crazy

I hit a squat PR today! 215! hooray!

 today I was coaching this group of kids who were feeling extra silly and goofy, there were 4 of them, and we were doing this climbing game that had us going around the gym and trying different stuff and it doesn't really matter what the game was---the important thing is that as soon as they were put on a team they insisted that I call them 'The Funny 4' and whenever we went anywhere I had to say, 'Ok Funny 4, let's roll out' and they would all do a somersault in the direction we were going.

In service of the bit I acted very annoyed and unimpressed by the whole thing and as we made our way around the gym I kept going in a very flat and dull tone, "Ok Funny 4, let's roll out." And then they would all giggle and laugh and roll around.

So that was very fun.

And on Monday I made the club kids guess the word 'bolus' which is a large mass of chewed up food and the first time I used that word was like 6 or 7 years ago when we had an onion grass eating contest at afterschool. Good times.  

part two in my 'be like a tree' series

this time I'm not sleep deprived so maybe it will be worse. in part one we talked about how trees don't try to blow or not blow in the breeze, they just do it. 

in part two we will talk about doing the same thing every day but different. a tree has got to make leaves and flowers and sap and tree stuff. a human has to let the people around them know that they care about them. it's like that line in the louis armstrong song, 'what a wonderful world' he says, "I see friends shaking hands saying, 'how do you?' they're really saying, 'I love you."

you get to show it and say it and recreate it every day and that's what language and imagination and creativity is for. 

I love an underlying question. I could think about underlying questions all day long. you start thinking about underlying questions--that's where the juice is. And I think the underlying question of most interactions is 'do you care about me?' and also 'how much? is it the amount I think?' It kinda makes sense when people talk about constantly asking, 'do you hate me?' 'are you mad at me?' I don't think that's pure paranoia and insecurity.That question is the nugget at the heart of a good amount of conversations. That's what we're all trying to figure out.  

we lost the tree analogy but it's a great and beautiful thing to get to show people you care about them. And it's new every time but it's also the same thing again and again. Not to act like bad people don't exist and that interactions can't be painful and fraught and difficult. It's like football. Like if trees played football. There are penalties and injuries and unsportsmanlike contact but that's not the game. That's not the ultimate goal. Those things are part of the game but the purpose is to score a touchdown--a touchdown of bond and caring. 

not many people just talk into nothing

not many people that I know in real life anyway. Of course the internet is filled with people talking into nothing. But I don't actually know them. It's probably because most people I know use that time and energy to talk to people they know. When I say talk into nothing I mean something like blogging. Putting your thoughts and feelings out there for anyone who comes across it to read or watch. 

But I think even the people who are really good at it, the professionals, I'll never meet them. And I really enjoy spending time with people but I think there's something unique and special in hearing another person talk to themselves or talk to nothing.

On social media people either like what they think is funny or interesting or cute or use it as a platform to show what they think is important and that's what it's for but some people use it to narrate their lives almost. Like you get a picture of who they are. And that will never not be interesting to me.   

I don't know what this post is. This is me doing a nothing and saying I like it when other people do this thing too. As if that should be a surprise to anyone. I don't know. Do it.

One thing I've been working on is doing things that are special for myself. And doing things to make days and moments special. And the way that manifested itself today was I gave my plants plant food. Every two weeks I mix a teaspoon of plant food into a gallon of water and I water all my plants with it and they're looking a lot greener and happier than they have been. As I've said many times I love my plants and I really make an effort to take good care of them but to me and my simple brain 'plant food' felt like a complicated thing. Anyway I'm glad I got some and took the time to do it because my plants look better and that makes me happy. 

Something I really value is consistency and showing up and doing the things I committed to doing and I think I avoid going above and beyond sometimes because in my mind it's like now that's where the bar needs to be and if I go all out one time  but it's not repeatable then I'm letting others down. So I just try to do what's manageable every time and do it well. But maybe that's inflexible thinking a little. Do a good job and then sometimes do a great job. And sometimes do a bad job and feel bad and then do a better job. Yeah. Anyway if you've read this far as always I love you and wish a million blessings upon your head.

How do the trees know that it's windy?

Today I was coaching at a climbing competition and fueled by lack of sleep and overstimulation I said to one of the climbers I coach,

"Look out the window. See the trees? How do the trees know that it's windy out?"

How do the trees know that it's windy??

Because, because because

Right? Because the trees don't know that it's windy out. Obviously. It is windy out and the leaves are blowing in the wind. It's humans that are always trying to know if it's windy out. Not windy--like windy--but like 'oh me oh me oh my what should I be doing? Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing it the right way?" We're always trying to figure out how windy it is and if our leaves are blowing too much or not enough or the right way or the wrong way. 

How silly would it be for a tree to be anxious or uncertain about the wind. A tree just trees.

But what about all my precious choices and decisions??? You cry.

Nah. If it's calm-be still. If it's windy-- sway and rustle. Make fruit and grow.

Yeah but trees don't really do anything.

Trees do so so so much! All the time. Just most of it isn't labor that can be exploited efficiently. Or confer status. Trees do real stuff that make the planet habitable and nice to be in. Nerd. 

Anyway there you go there's your discount Alan Watts and Ram Dass for the day I'm gonna go eat potatoes.

sometimes I feel like I get messages that are meant for me to see

and even if they aren't

it's an experience worth having

worth sticking around for

what I did today

 Today I woke up and then went back to sleep. Overall a pretty good slumber.

Then I got up and made my usual smoothie with canned mandarin oranges, protein powder, vanilla Greek yogurt, banana, and frozen berries. I did the sudoku in my sudoku book and watched Youtube. I'm on them medium difficulty puzzles now and they take twice as long to do. I also made coffee. I was noticing a lot of noises happening outside and I was trying to concentrate at the same time and I didn't want to sit in silence but also I couldn't find anything to play in the background that wouldn't start giving me a headache. But I powered through and solved the puzzle anyway because I'm a champ like that I guess. Then my friend stopped by to give me some eggs and we made a little zine about eggs and hung out and then I went to the track and met up with my other friend and we did a sprint workout that went pretty dang good! I was happy.

I showered and ate plant burgers and then I went to the gym and did squats and hung out with folks there. Squats weren't feeling great but then I did 195 and 200 and it started moving pretty well so I went for 210 which would've been a 5lb new best and got stuck about halfway up and fought for what felt like a really long time but was probably only 2 seconds at most. It was really close though. On a day when I actually feel good I can definitely get it. 

My thought of the day is this:

As the sweet apple reddens on the highest branch,

high on the highest branch, that the apple pickers forgot-

no, they didn't forget; that apple they could not reach

scanner guys

 

oorbs mcgoo and duckthony quacktano

front desk guys

 

From left to right: Lil' Big King Rashes, Belt Sander, Oofus Wainwright, Cindy Clawford, Lt. Dan, and Booki Boomaj

april chalkboard

 

can you solve it?

march chalkboard

 

 Pixar movie called 'Doors' where the people is doors and keys are their food and this one mean door--everyone thinks he hates keys but then, um, it's just the one specific key that unlocks him and he never really hated keys at all. 

Right? Will this heal our wounded soul? What if we pretended to not understand the relationship between doors and keys and then solved it with the plot of a movie? Couldn't we all stand around then and pat ourselves on the back over the triumph of understanding and emotional growth?

Doors!

who wants to be my FOOL?

when I walk out of the grocery store and the night air is warm

 when I walk out of the grocery store and the night air is warm I can feel the signals being sent through my body saying, "things are okay. it's gonna be okay. we are going to survive. we are going to THRIVE."

It's intoxicating. The rush of optimism in my veins. There's nothing like it. 

The other smell is the smell of my bed when I've been able to leave my bedroom window open all day. It's fresh. It's rejuvenating. 

It's like when the weather is below 70 degrees I am some varying degree of uncomfortable, and it has to be mitigated by layers and heated blankets but when it's warm--when it's warm I'm truly truly truly at ease. 

I am luxuriating right now! Do you understand?! Luxuriating! The air is incredible.

hello :-)