Sometimes as someone who works with children I recognize that certain children like to play the game of 'I'm a little monster and I will be bad and you are authority and you will stop me.' Which, unless the kid is incredibly charming, is a real drag and no fun to play. It's tiring and not very rewarding to regulate someone else's behaviors. I prefer to be around people who take responsibility for their own actions and regulate themselves. Or so I thought. For so very long.

But maybe those annoying kids are on to something. Maybe they're aware that on some level it's really lame to regulate yourself and internalize authority. Become your own jailor, so to speak. Or maybe they intuitively understand the old Christian idea that to try create your own reality is to create Hell for yourself and that's why you need to give yourself over to God. 

I don't know. I think a deep part of me actually loves being the authority of myself and being self-contained. 

The idea of 'being bad' as something that is punished externally I think honors or recognizes in some way that whatever was bad is a real part of the self. And that being 'well-adjusted' and educated and civilized forces you in a physically non-violent way to reject parts of yourself. To kill parts of yourself. And I think it's worth being skeptical of. At the very least.