Running

Lately running has been going pretty well. I've started to feel fast again and be excited about going out the door. I was feeling really good a few weeks ago so I decided to sign up for a 10k that I ran today. It went pretty well. I got 10th place with a 32:50. I thought based on how I was feeling and who I was running around that I was going to get a faster time but it was still a good effort. Another thing that threw me off is the mile markers were clearly incorrect on the course. According to the mile marker, I ran the first mile in 4:46, which is absurd. I think I assumed I was still running really fast anyway and kinda settled and thought as long as I didn't blow up I would get come away with a fast time. In hindsight, what I needed to do was make a big move and put myself out there because I was really just kinda plodding along. Making excuses about the mile markers is unfair too. I need to learn to be honest with myself about what a race effort actually is. I think part of that is being gun shy about really running hard.

What it is is that I'm afraid to lay it all out there and then I get disappointed with myself for not doing that. But it's something I've done before. I know how to go into a race and say, "no matter what, I'm competing for the win today." And that tends to be how I get the best out of myself. I haven't done that in a long time. The closest thing I've done is tell myself in a workout a few weeks ago that I wasn't going to get dropped by the guy I was running with. And it ended up being a great workout. That's the mindset I need to bring to races. That's what I did in 2017 when I ran all those good races. I got out hard and worked for it.

Looking back on everything since December or so, everything that I thought was going to bring me back to running great races by now was actually just inching me forward. I thought I had things figured out and I thought I knew what I needed to get to a certain level and then that turned out to be not so true. I'm a bit disappointed in myself but also confident that I can get there. It's just going to take more time than I thought. And I think I realized that pretty early on--even after the Colonial Half in February. What's exciting, to try to end this on a positive note, is that in all of these races I have a moment where I see these people that I know I should be running with and I know that the next time these races come around, I'll know I've closed the gap and I'll be there next time. It's within reach.