if you want a job writing for the word of the bird, a newspaper I make for a bunch of elementary school kids in an after school program, leave an article in the comments.
We are now acceptable articles for news, weather, sports, nose reviews, listicles, ratings, advice, point/counterpoint, stories, jokes, puzzles, riddles, brainteasers, riddles, opinions, and much more.
I'm gonna write as many articles as I can in 10 minutes.
Ready.
Go.
Week in Review:
This week will be remembered as another ridiculously hot week. It was so hot and humid that a lot of the playground was melting. Some people thought it looked like ice cream and they licked it. But it wasn't ice at all. It was scalding hot plastic. We had to call in an oral surgeon who successfully transplanted pig tongues onto the tongues of about half the kids in one second grade class. They're all better now accept from some reason you can hear a lot more oinking from the hallway when you walk by that class. Oh well.
List: Top 5 Ways to Stay Cool in the Heat
#1- Tape bags of ice all over your body. Tape a bag to your legs, arms, stomach, back, and FACE!
#2- Live underground like a worm.
#3- Stop wearing oven mitts all the time. You are not a baker!
#4- Stick a thermometer in the freezer for about 20 minutes and then shove it in your earhole!
#5- Humans sweat. Dogs pant. What do cats do? Seriously. WHAT DO THEY DO TO NOT BE HOT?!
Interesting Profile: Argentina
Argentina is a county in South America. The official language of Argentina is Spanish. If you go back in time in Argentina, you will still be in Argentina, it will just be 1905. Argentina is in the Southern Hemisphere. Argentina is so big that if it were a person it could eat a million hamburgers in one bite. Some people think Argentina is not real and that people are just looking at a bear or something. People from Argentina find this view offensive.
After School Tip #2: Some times at after school and during regular school and in real life, we have to do things that are boring or not as fun like lining up or cleaning up an area. Some people use the strategy of complaining or being distracted. This not actually a very good strategy because it just makes these things take WAY LONGER. If you do things right the first time, you will actually have way more time to do things you WANT to do. And if you need to talk to someone or get help, then just ask. Plus! If you do a really good job then you will get a crap ton of praise and more awesome things will be able to happen at after school because everyone will trust you so much!
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10 comments:
Hahahahaha this is amazing
My favorite is the article on Argentina. Especially "If you go back in time in Argentina, you will still be in Argentina, it will just be 1905." Haha and "Some people think Argentina is not real and that people are just looking at a bear or something. People from Argentina find this view offensive." I literally died
News Article:
Whittier, Alaska
This is your very own international news correspondent reporting from the foreign country of Alaska. Here in the isolated region of the Passage Canal, the entire town of Whittier lives in one building known as the Begich Towers Condominium. All 214 people. I can report that I received very good directions from the mayor's office on the second floor. The map of the building-town led me to the grocery store on the third floor, where I bought eggs and chocolate milk. (Who knew they also had chocolate cows in Alaska?) I ate the eggs and drank the milk as I climbed the stairs to the general store on the fifth floor where I bought envelopes, stamps, and a picture of a leopard. I descended the stairs back to the post office on the fourth floor, where I mailed the picture of the leopard to the King of Italy. Satisfied, I went to go take a nap in the Methodist Church on the seventh floor. I was really sleepy from all of the eggs and milk and so I continued my nap in the conference room on the 12th floor and in the hotel lobby back on ground level. Suddenly, I was awoken from my sleep by a policeman trying to arrest me. Naturally, I tried to escape, and in the ensuing scuffle I was hurt. So they took me to the hospital on the third floor, and after being treated they shipped me off to jail on the 14th floor. Apparently it is a crime in the nation of Alaska to send photos of giant cats across national borders. However, a lawyer from an excellent law office on the ninth floor was able to bail me out of jail and release me from all charges. I spent the rest of my time in Whittier relaxing in the pool on the tenth floor.
Haha I know this news story is too long, and maybe it is just too insane. I just wanted to try to make a story out of the real town in Alaska that exists entirely in one 14 story building. This is an article talking about it: https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2015/07/us/whittier-alaska-american-story/
Haha maybe you can get something out of this
Opinion Article:
The Mississippi River is just too big. It is 2320 miles long! That's a lot farther than from the couch to the refrigerator. What do they need all that water for? So I propose we cut the river in half. Think of all the things we could use all that water for! We could give water to thirsty people in the Sahara Desert. We could put out the wildfires in the West. We could make all the lemonade we ever wanted.
Or maybe we shouldn't cut an entire river in half, that sounds like a bad idea. Maybe we should just try to save water more, and then maybe we could put out the wildfires.
Riddle:
What was the largest island in the world before Australia was discovered?
Answer: Australia. It was still there
Opinion Article:
Mazzy Thompson
I believe that the Ice Hotel in Quebec, Canada is the coolest thing in the world. If you don't believe me, look up pictures of it. Hopefully all of you can go there someday. It is even more awesome than a Snow Day, even cooler than a summer vacation in Greece, even more amazing than finding a $100 bill on the street. It is a hotel made entirely of ice.
Science
Everyone knows about roses and lilies, but there are much cooler flowers. Like moonflowers! Moonflowers are large, beautiful white flowers that bloom only at night. The petals are all closed up during the day, but as the sun goes down and night falls, the moonflowers open wide to the world. They really are really cool. The official name for moonflowers is Ipomoea alba, or tropical white morning glories.
List
5 Quick Facts About Airplanes:
1. Scientists believe they travel faster than you can run.
2. It is generally agreed that you can not buy an airplane at a store.
3. No, not even at a thrift store.
4. Thomas Edison did not invent the airplane. Nor did he invent the light bulb! He stole the idea for the light bulb from someone else.
5. The first record for airplane speed was 6.82 miles per hour, for the very first plane ever in 1903, invented by the Wright brothers. Now, the record is all the way up to 2,193 miles per hour!!
Haha hopefully you can get something out of all of this
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