Monkeys tiny!

POSTED! BOOM! NO RULES!

Urban Ranger Frank scaring a group of children away from premature pet ownership.

Now, some of you first graders might think you have a great idea of where babies come from. We don't need to get into the nitty gritty, slimey times but I'm going to tell you write now that animals are operating on a whole different set of rules. Let me start with a question: who here would like a puppy? Don't bother raising your hands, you aren't going to get one. Does anyone know how puppies are made? No. You don't. I'll tell you. That's why your teacher hired me. When a mommy dog is full with child, she retreats into the woods and constructs a crude baby-holding device out of small planks of wood and nails. After doing that she consults a biology textbook to learn where the egg should come out. She deposits the egg which severely weakens her heart and she must retreat into the woods to look for medicine or a match for a donor. The puppy then incubates in the egg while the baby-holder keeps it above the ground of the woods where the tiny monkeys play and dance. It's not an insignificant fact to mention that the tiny monkeys will get in your socks and they will never leave so it's important to check any and all puppies for tiny monkeys. Anyway, there's a lot left on this paper but I don't really have time to read it and I can tell you stopped paying attention after I said 'nails'.

Here's the quick message: strange dogs on the street can make great pets if you establish yourself as a reliable source of food. Remember that. Treats get the meats.