Bad Attraction

Alien speaking to deer.

Hello, little female deer. I am an alien and I have taken you to this nice restaurant on the waterfront of a vague, unspecified city. Here are some answers to the inevitable questions that will arise. Firstly, the dark spot located above my eye is not some kind of horrible third eye; it is my ear. Secondly, I am aware that your neck is far too short and that your proportions as a whole are subject to great scrutiny being that you are an actual animal that exists in the world. Secondly again, the writing on the wall is unrelated to our current situation. It is merely there to tell small children who live in another dimension what they will be consuming at the end of their school day. I hope that clears up what needs clearing up.

To business, I feel as if you have grown distant. In fact, looking back, I get the feeling that you have never reciprocated my affection because you are a deer and do not possess notions of romance. It is just now dawning on me that my attempt to assimilate myself into this world has gone horribly awry because I have wasted the past two months trying to establish companionship with a doe, a female Earth-deer. It also occurs to me that you still are not understanding any of the words I am speaking and even if I used my ability to transmit my thoughts directly into your brain, they would stick the way an old tomato sticks to a mirror that has been lathered in Crisco...which is to say that they would not stick well at all. Well, that is all I have to say to you deer, I will pay for me food and go, at which point Animal Control will arrive and detain you and release you back into the wild. This has been a most unusual experience for us both.

Themes: Calling it like you see it.