Chacken Skritch

The Final Round!: Giant Thumb Wearing Necktie VS. Alligator Toothbrush!

It's time for the battle to begin!

The Battle Begins!

Two opponents. Thirsting for glory. Blood will flow and a victor will rise from the ashes of losing.

Giant Thumb Wearing Necktie!

Opposably unopposed 

Formally merciless and raised by parents with truncated liberal arts educations and untreated anger issues!

A born killer and the pride of man's desire to reach beyond his grasp.

Alligator Toothbrush!

An alligator head improbably attached to the end of a toothbrush,

"Biting gums and wrecking thumbs", or so says the bumper stick he claims was attached to his after-birth.

Nature's vengeance has a son with a face that only a mother who has given up on not raising a degenerate could pretend to love.

The Battle Begins!

"I am the Giant Thumb Wearing a Necktie!
I will bathe my noodles in your life blood like Ragu!
I will mash you and degrade you and crumple you up.
I will show you heavenly bliss and polite dinner conversation only to make the following rudeness all the more unexpected and devastating!
There is no despair without hope.
There is no peace in the furnace of my soul without the crushing of your butt!"

"I am the Alligator Toothbrush!
I am virtuous and lust only for the blood of evil.
However, I am not not hindered by the logical fallacy that those whom I kill are evil because I only kill evil, therefore, if they are killed by me--they are evil.
I may be begging the question but soon you will be begging for mercy!
Any respect I could have for you in battle has been diminished by my low blood sugar!
Death is in sight via the magnifying glass of your pain!"

The Battle Begins!

...and then it would just go on and on forever like that without the battle ever happening...