Frananash

    When I was a little kid, probably not as little as I'd like to admit, I used to wake up in the middle of the night and stare out of a window overlooking my front yard. I was a small child, staring out of a window at two in the morning because I believed an evil penguin-man hybrid was going to come out of the woods near my house, break into my little sister's room, and murder or kidnap her. So instead of sleeping I would check my sister's room every fifteen minutes to make sure she was still there and hadn't been killed silently or replaced with an evil-penguin man. I don't know what I would've done if I'd found him. Probably screamed and died. Or somehow transformed into a large bat creature with swords for nipples. Something equally scary and sensible.

    I am glad that I no longer believe that. I probably became interested in girls and stopped worrying about the welfare of my little sister. Anyway, I do miss how much power my own thoughts had to me.  Maybe I'm too well-fed or well-adjusted now but I could never convince myself now that something as concrete as an evil penguin man could actually exist just because I saw it in my head. But what kinds of things would I have written if I believed in demonic penguins, that my neighbors were lizard people wearing disguises, and that the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz was trying to kill me? That would be powerful stuff. I can try to recreate that feeling but I can't live it anymore. Or maybe I am. The fact that I believed that then makes me wonder what I will later realize is crazy about me now. But, on the upside, at least I'm writing it all down this time!

  But it's definitely not the same now. My thoughts went from all-consuming monsters to just regular dudes that sometimes do interesting stuff like open a portal to another dimension with an ink-jet printer but at the end of the day it's like, "eh. That was pretty cool." Or I'll say, "Oh hey thought. I like your t-shirt. I'll write about it later." And you read about my thought's funny t-shirt but that doesn't have nearly the same weight as I AM PRAYING TO A HIGHER POWER THAT MY SISTER LIVES TO SEE ANOTHER MORNING! ALSO I MIGHT BE ABLE TO CONTROL THE WIND WITH MY MIND!

As much as I enjoy being a functional human being I kinda wish my thoughts could scare the be-whoo-zits out of me again. I'll keep mining my brain for veins of raw crazy until then.

New Goal in Writing: Revive the Penguin-Man. But like, turn him into something not creepy and awful.