Ultimate Power

You ever think about ultimate power? And yes, I intentionally phrased that in the nerdiest way possible.

Like, everybody probably thinks about what superpower they would like to have, but thinking about "ultimate power" has a much more maniacal bent to it.

What is ultimate power?

Is it being able to raise armies of the undead to flashmob your ex-girlfriend's bathroom when she gets up in the morning?

Is it being able to shoot giant blasts of energy and finally ridding the world of roller rinks. Because, let's face it, roller rinks, like polio, should not exist anymore. Society has progressed.

Is it being able to impose your will upon all of mankind and establish a new world order in which you rule from your Chocolate Ice Coffee Techno Palace in the Arctic?!

Those are probably all correct answers. Add in laser beams somehow to any of them and you've built a pretty sound case for Ultimate Power.

But I think the ultimate power lies in the human spirit. It's our capacity for reason and compassion and imagination. It's about using those things to overcome our physical limitations and becoming or creating something larger than ourselves.

And ultimate power is using that understanding...

to be able to shoot giant blasts of energy and finally rid the world of roller rinks!

I don't care how much beauty and brilliance comes from the nobility and generosity of a good soul, I'm gonna choose weird awesomeness every single time. It's like choosing between a team of sled dogs to get a vaccine to a struggling Alaskan village or getting to sit in your living room and eat a treasure chest full of mashed potatoes and gravy.

One is glorious and fulfilling, and the other is a team of sled dogs on a mission to get a vaccine to a struggling Alaskan village.

NEW LIFE GOALS!

OWN AN OVERSIZED NEON GREEN ARMCHAIR AND/OR LOVESEAT!

BUY MORE FLANNEL EVERYTHING!

HONE A FINER TASTE FOR EXOTIC BREADS!

LEAD A GROUP OF PLUCKY INDIVIDUALS TO A CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH THEN KILL THE REF WITH A BALL-PEEN HAMMER, ULTIMATELY TEACHING THEM THAT THEY'VE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING!

EAT MORE KIWIS!