I'm trying to run 100 miles in 7 days. It's very similar to running 70-something miles in 6 days except you say, "Gosh, I sure am running a lot" a lot more.
Going home for less than 24 hours tomorrow for a job interview. I hope I gets it!
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Running Hecklers!
In the past several days I've received some interesting hecklings from strangers while running.
Over the weekend I was running in some trails and like 5 or 6 kids just chilling by the side of the trail. They were probably looking for fauna or getting high or some such nature things.
This one girl goes, "Yeah...I mean, I could totally vouch for you guys-"
And as I'm running by one of this kids yells, "You can't outrun death!"
And his friends laugh and I go, "I CAN TRY!"
They all laugh and are like, "Haha, yeah, you can try."
First of all, good job me for being quick on the draw with that one. Secondly, my friend was running behind me and just for a second I thought, were they talking about him? Has he transmogrified into death incarnate?!
But that was stupid and dumb and dumb and stupid...still, I might ask him about that moment if we're ever trapped on a sinking ship some day.
HECKLING #2
This morning I was running by the parking garage and this big-huge SUV comes tearing out of the garage and gets real close to me and the guy in the driver's seat yells, "I run for a REASON!"
And, I would've flicked him off but it took me too long to register what he was saying and if it counted as an insult or not. I'm usually pretty good about flicking people off but this one I had to ponder about.
First I thought about what he must have said to his friend in the passenger seat afterwards. Probably like, "Hey, did you see how burned that runner guy? I was all 'I run for a reason!' and he was all, oh no! Existential quandary! My life amounts to nothing now!"
Because, wait...what? Am I not running for a reason? What's his reason? Does he run when he's scared? Does he run to the bathroom when he has to poop real bad? How did he know I didn't have to poop real bad? I guess he assumed I pooped before I ran because that happens now that I run in the morning and I'm not sure how I feel about it...
but anyway, is he saying he is a more righteous runner than me? I've never had someone try take the moral high ground while trying to heckle me. Usually they just say, "put a shirt on!" or "you're a girl!"
He looked like a football player so maybe he was saying that when HE runs it's too...help...a ball...get to a side of a field...and then it gets kicked through a thing...for points....until...it stops happening. And there's giant foam animals running around the sidelines.
oh! I get it. He was saying that he uses running in a context that makes sense! To get the ball to the side of the field for points so it can be kicked through the thing and also they all dress like space warriors. I get it now. Rational, reasonable things.
Well, if I may be so bold as to challenge his proclamation. I TOO run for a reason. I was thinking about this the other day. The whole point of long distance running...is transporting your genitals a far distance as fast as possible. That's really the underlying purpose of the whole thing. It's like a fertility ritual. I'm just trying to transport my genitals as far and wide as my body will allow. That's why the shorts are so short. Duh!
Think about it next to you run or see a runner. Remember that line in Juno where she says that when she sees them run all she can think about is pork swords? She pretty much hit the nail on the head. That's really all there is too it. Having fast and well-traversed genitals.
I'm either running too much or not nearly enough...
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