and one thing I dislike about myself is all of my bad qualities
but one thing I like about myself is not disliking myself for my faults
also one thing I like about myself is that the little guy that sits in the command chair of my brain that is in charge of executive function and the part of me that is the parent/adult of myself...thing...that guy does a good job. so, good job being functional, me.
I was stopped at the light on Ridge and Grady on my way back from the grocery store with my window half down when a women pulled up next to me in an on Miata convertible with the top down. It was red with an antique plate and patches of paint missing from the bumper. She was slightly ahead of me so I could only see the back of her head as she turned on her radio and "Ooh La La" by the Faces started playing. I turned off my radio and saw her look down and gently bob her head to the music.
I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger
Her light turned green and she drove off. There wasn't really anything remarkable about the encounter except how close we happened to be in that moment. We could've had a conversation without even raising our voices. Like we weren't in these weird domed space ships that zip around and it's easy to imagine that other humans don't even exist.
And then I thought, as I often do, about how I drive in the vehicles that my grandparents owned and I put up the blanket over the back seat that my dad and I put up the first day I got the car.
And then I was frustrated, as I often am, by how weird it is, particularly for guys, to talk about things like intimacy and feeling close to someone. Shout out the lady in the red Miata.
going to camp is playing a big game called 'camp' that is made up of a bunch of different smaller games. and everything you say and do is a move that tries to establish the game you're playing.
For example yesterday I was at a park where kids get picked up in town and a boy asked if he could go to the bathroom which was on the other side of a baseball field from the parking lot we were waiting in. I have to say 'yes' and immediately he takes all the other kids from the van except one with him to the bathroom which I was immediately skeptical of. I didn't want to leave the one girl alone in the van so I watched from afar and after a few minutes I'd realized that they'd gone over to play on the playground that was next to the bathhouse. So then I had to play the "You did something wrong" game and in a big voice say "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!" and carry on about how they had broken trust and were out of supervision and lied to me. And that boy had played some version of the "I'm going to see what I can get away with" game. I mean, I kinda get it. The playground is right next to the bathroom and they are a group of children but when we're in a public space that is outside of camp, I want eyes and ears on everyone at all times. That's the "you did something wrong" game.
Then there's the "larger than life" game. Where you take the regular occurrences of camp and treat them like the momentous historical events. A lot of the time for me this looks like commentating on games that people are playing. I was watching a kickball game with a group of kids on Thursday and we were in the commentator booth providing play-by-play coverage.
Another game I love to play is the "spirit of camp" game. This is mostly with counselors and it's where I assess how closely you are adhering to the "spirit of camp". What it usually looks like is either praising or griping about various actions. One move I was fond of this year was commenting on whether the counselors took a route into camp that goes by the pool that the campers aren't allowed to take or took a longer path through the woods that the campers use. It's also a lot of assessing how engaged a counselor looks at any given moment. More broadly you could call this game "test of faith".
Another really popular game is "get it?" It's another way of saying 'inside joke' but it doesn't have to be pre-established. It's just saying something that on the surface level doesn't mean much but there's a second layer that you want people to recognize and pick up on.
Getting a group's attention and explaining rules or steps to follow is playing "I'm in charge". And that's where you do moves to show that you know what you're talking about and people should listen to you. Most of "I'm in charge" is getting people to stop talking. It also has a lot to do with presence and attitude.
"In Cahoots" is a really powerful game. That's where you set a premise or a mission and convince the group around you that you are united and an in-group. This is a popular one at meals. I started something called the "clean plate club" this summer where you just lick your plate clean and then we take a group photo with everyone's clean plates.
"Role Reversal" is a game where the person in authority acts like an exaggerated version of the group they have authority over. That's one I really like. It could be considered a variation of "get it?"
"One of Us"is using attention and praise to establish someone as part of the in-group. It's establishing rapport and making someone feel seen and heard.
Most of these have to do with building a sense of group and community and establishing the norms and values of that group. It's a lot of "do you like what I like? do you laugh at what I laugh at? do you value what I value?" I don't know if it's helpful to write this out or if it's just a bunch of navel-gazing but I'd argue it's useful to breakdown something big and amorphous like camp and how to act in a complex social situation into discrete parts in some way.
Other games include "you're my special" which is where you latch onto one person and make them the be-all end-all of your life at camp. And there's "nobody loves me" which usually looks like throwing a fit because you don't feel seen or heard. "Hideaway" is where you go off and make your self inaccessible with one or more people.
And I had them all go around and do Rose-Bud-Thorn and they all had such great answers and it was really sweet. I love reflection and recaps so much. And I also hate ending a day or an experience without doing them. They make me so happy.
The unexamined life is not worth living!
Also we had a discussion today about which plants would win in a fight.
Growth is the greatest weapon of all!
Once upon a time there was a camp in a field and one day a man came to that camp and his name was Shmanderson but they just called him Andy. And he was part of the camp and went on many adventures. He touched the bear on top of Gertie's Country Store. He saw the vulture that lived in the abandoned mill. He had the cops called on him at the reservoir. He saw a British ghost while looking for a crashed airplane at Mint Springs. He got lost at the Rockfish Gap community center. He went to the Dolly Sods and climbed the highest mountain and squelched in the sphagnum bog. He went to Costa Rica and drove a van. He went to Florida (twice) and also drove a van. He hiked from Blue Ridge to Camp Albemarle through the river. He went to all the 7-11's in town in one day. He went into the Glade Spring cave and got stuck in the mud. He hiked the entirety of the Rivanna Trail and almost the entire Rivanna River. He had many more adventures too but the real adventure was the people he met and the people they grew up to be. And Shmanderson said, "Well I guess I did alright" and took a nap for 8 months straight.
right? what does that mean?
giving people an elevated experience. you know it when you see it. it's when someone seems energized. bold. silly. engaged. immersed. open to the new. a state of plasticity! where new connections are formed.
that is the mission that is always the mission.
