The first step is to need a can opener and go to the grocery store and buy the cheapest can opener available. The second step is to very quickly realize, within months of owning the can opener, that it doesn't work very well. Don't replace the can opener. We are years away from replacing the can opener at this point.
The third step is to find all sorts of ways and tricks to make the can opener barely function. For some reason it works better after you run sink water over it so do that every time you need to use it. You buy a lot of cans. Try to understand what could be wrong with the can opener but then realized it's inscrutable and you'll never be able to understand it. Continue to use the ever-worsening can opener until it almost ceases to function completely and then discover a brand new technique for using it and do that. In the end game phase, two and a half years into owning the can opener, you spend a few months barely making it work at all. You cease being able to turn the wheel and just kind of repeatedly stab around the rim until the can opens. Then forget to buy a can opener every time you go the grocery store for a month.
Finally remember because you wrote it down on your hand and buy a nicer can opener that works great.
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