continuing my sudoku journey

 my new thing when I visit home for the holidays is to do the Washington post sudoku. The easier puzzles don't give me much trouble but today I spent about 10 hours on and off trying to solve the 6 star expert sudoku before I finally gave up and put the sudoku into a solver. It was really nice though because it gave me step-by-step instructions and it ended up requiring steps that I didn't really know how to use. So I was happy because it wasn't like something obvious--it was something that I actually needed to learn and it kind of taught me. I say kind of because I still don't know if I could spot it and use it on my own.

anyway my point of saying all that is that's it's funny to get mad when you can't do something. Especially a sudoku. Like you can't figure it out so you power up to a mode that makes you even dumber and less likely to do it. I just think that's funny. There definitely are times where expressing anger and frustration is helpful but learning to differentiate those situations is probably one of the single best things you can do for yourself as a person.

now it seems like I got really mad at the sudoku. I didn't. I didn't yell or stab the sudoku. I'm not being sarcastic. I really didn't do those things. I didn't get mad at the sudoku. I maybe would've made a show to a receptive audience of how frustrated and how hard I was trying but that's only because it's fun to express a feeling and have it feel understood.

One time my freshman year this professor was talking about a poem like Tristan and Isolde or Troilus and Cressida or something and he was saying something about how the guy was confessing his love to the girl but he was looking at a reflection of himself as he was saying it so the professor argued that he was actually in love with himself being in love and I remember feeling dumb or like he was solving a sudoku using techniques that I didn't understand and I couldn't figure out how he was so sure of his answer. Like how did he get that out of that?

And then I went back to listing every country on Earth from memory in my notes. And my takeaway from that is that...I don't know. Just be trying I guess. Even if you're failing and stuck or feel dumb and there's things you don't know--it's better to be in an uncomfortable position of growth than stagnation or anger. That's one thing trees get right. They keep growing. Trees actually get everything right. You literally couldn't convince me there's a thing that trees do that is wrong and I wouldn't even like you to try. Thank you.