master meep

 master meep

floopy booboo!

corpulent donker

here's what I'll say!

colonoscopy exams. there's cooler procedures we could be doing than that

1- wrap people up in toilet paper like mummies. when you're 40 you should get that.

2- swim in a pool full of jello. when you're 60 you should do that.

3- we find a person with your same name and you talk on the phone with them when you're 20.

4- count to 1,000. when you're 11 years old we make you go in a room and count all the way to 1,000.

5- just throw a brick though the office building of some big multinational corporation that wants to watch the world burn and is actively working towards it. this should be doled out like jury duty. you get a letter in the mail and you gotta go find a brick and chuck it.

6- reverse colonoscopy. A reverse colonoscopy is where we invent an edible camera and you eat it and then just watch what happens on a screen until your stomach acid dissolves the camera. you can do that on a birthday of your choosing

7- Stridulation. I was thinking about cricket legs and how they make noise and that is called stridulation and then I found out there's a MAMMAL that also makes noise this way and whatever you think this mammal looks like--that's not what it looks like. 

ladies and gentlemen! the lowland streaked tenrec!!

a right proper lad if I've ever seen one!

yesterday while coaching I said, "who knows what an isopod is?"

and this kid thought about it for a second and went, "is that a critter?!"

And I said, "yes. it is a critter."

 

floppy rainbow

some good tab cats from today and also a meditation on plants and dirt

 Evil Raccoon

Tiny Zingo

highlights of my day right there.

Here's another reason I like plants. I like plants because they grow in dirt. And normally when we use dirt in a figurative sense we mean it in a negative way or we even have the word "dirty" which is bad but that's so lame because plants grow in dirt and that's awesome because plants are awesome and they wouldn't have it any other way. I guess if you want to be fancy you could say that plants grow in "soil" but even the word "soiled" is bad so there's just no winning for plants and dirt.

Except in my household. In my household there is winning for plants and dirt every day all the time. I wake up in the morning and I say, "good job plants! good job dirt! you're doing so great!" And maybe one day I'll just be some dirt and I'll be so excited to be that. I don't know why we gotta imagine that we're going to a place up in the clouds where there's literally no dirt after we die. Um...excuse me, we could just be in the dirt which is where we know the body/ashes is anyway. And then you're in the trees and plants which is awesome. My grandmother on my dad's side had her ashes buried under a lilac bush and it's a living memorial to her and that's incredible.

weighing in on the eiffel tower controversy

a lot* of people have been asking me to give my two cents on the olympic rings Eiffel tower controversy and I've decided to break my silence and speak my truth.

if you don't know, for the Paris games, the iconic olympic rings were placed on the tower with the understanding that they would be taken down by the end of the year. But now, the mayor of paris whose name I don't know says she wants them to stay up until 2028. The family of the designer of the tower has cried foul play. Or, in french, 'le jeu irrégulier!!"'

An age old argument about who gets to decide how the big metal thing will be dressed up. Well if there's anything I've learned in all my many years of working with children it's that if anyone starts arguing over anything and it's a big headache then just take the thing away. No more Eiffel tower. Nothing is worth fighting about and disturbing my ever-so-fragile peace. 

I move that the Eiffel tower be thrown in the bottom of the ocean with a whale carcass and we set up a webcam to look at the various kinds of life that form around the whale and the symbol of *searching for symbol of Eiffel tower*

french industrial prowess

But yeah just take the rings down. It's like leaving the Christmas tree up in February. If you're going to leave anything up, leave up Halloween decorations. And just put Santa hats on the skeletons.

Do the equivalent of putting santa hats on skeletons on the olympic rings on the Eiffel tower.

Put reindeer skeletons on the olympic rings on the Eiffel tower in the bottom of the ocean next to a whale carcass and call that a new holiday called Mebtobericus.

lonely police

 today this girl I coach came up to me and told me that at lunch she and her friend play this game called "lonely police" where after the students get dismissed from lunch there's a lot of trash on the floor and usually there's one piece of trash all by itself and so they go tell the custodian to get it because he's the lonely police.

and I said, "why don't you pick up the trash?"

And she said that she's not allowed to because the lunch room is divided and they have to stay on their side.

And I was like, "oh fair enough."

And then we invented this game where you and another person stand on one leg and you try to push/pull the raised leg to make the person lose their balance. You can't kick and you can only make contact with the other person's raised leg on the ankle or below.

another year another spider plant giveaway

 hit me uppppp

I have a lot more I'm planning to pot soon

how'd that get there?

dfw

  “The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day.”

some lyrics to nothing

 when I'm making rice

then I make it in a pot

and I set it on a burner

and I hope it's not forgot

for if it burns asunder

and my hopes are all for naught

then I'm living by the charity of the moss

MOSS MOSS MOSS

so shiny green and bright

a blanket that is strong enough to hold me down

at the end of the day

 "at the end of the day" that's a commonly used phrase. It's supposed to highlight what really matters. You have some experience and you think a lot of things and feel a lot of things but at the end of the day you're only supposed to think about one thing and feel one thing. 

That's terrible logic. Really bad.

Usually at the end of the day I have the worst attitude and am more likely to think negatively about something than any other part of the day. No, what it should be is, "at the start of the next day".

That's when you have clarity. When you've processed things into dreams and weird little plays of the mind. That's the time to reflect. At the start of the next day. 

"Well you know at the end of the day all you can really do is despair and think about how you're a deeply flawed human being. But at the start of the next day you remember that what really matters is friendship and the laughs we had along the way. So, there you go."

thinking about orders

 I was reading something or other the other day. It was about--well it was about Nietzsche but that part wasn't all that interesting but there was this part at the end that talked about what an Order is--like the technical definition of an Order and it's a group of people whom by voluntary association hold themselves to specific high standards. I said that weird. People choose to be a club based on the rules of the club. 

I think it's a cool idea because it's not like a normal group where the rules are sort of separate or in place to prevent bad stuff while you're doing whatever else. Like, oh you're in the climbing club and a rule is you can't spit on your hands and then climb the climbs or walk underneath people or eat chalk or whatever. 

But if you're in the ORDER OF ESOTERIC WHITTLERS. Then you have to whittle and craft from wood all manner of esoteric and mystical brickabrack. It's like the limiting conditions don't detract from or inhibit the experience, the limitations create meaning and purpose. 

So go start an Order if you want. 

grapevine grapevine grapevine

 there's a place off lone pine with a mighty fine grapevine