a little under the weather

Feeling a little sick. Didn't get a lot of sleep and started to feel off in the late morning and now I for sure have something. 

I'm a little relieved because I thought I was in a bad mood for no reason and the track workout I planned yesterday never got off the ground and I wasn't totally sure why. 

Here's a lingering thought I've been having: A long time ago I was with my uncle and his son and we were driving or something, I forget what. Or maybe we were at a hotel. I don't remember.  The thing I remember is they were disagreeing about something and my uncle, to prove his point, said my cousin's age and then said his own age "you fourteen, me fifty-something". As if to say, how could you possibly know more than me about this. I remember at the time feeling uncomfortable about it and thinking it was a pretty off-putting thing to do. I'd love to go on and on about why that's such a unhelpful way to prove one's point but the meat of this story is that I basically did the same thing while coaching yesterday. I was asking this climber to shift their weight while using an undercling and I was demonstrating and another climber did the move really well and the first climber went, "Well you're both taller than me so that's why it's easier."

In hindsight, I could've reflected on the feeling they were trying to express which was something like "I am a small child and I am frustrated by a lot of these climbs which are very clearly not set with my height in mind" Even in this specific instance where height was not a limiting factor, I can see how that was on their mind. But in that moment I wanted to be right and I wanted to prove I was right. How long have you been climbing for? It was the kind of thing where I knew it was wrong as I was saying it :/

Anyway, I circled back later and was like, I will never ask you to do something that you can't do because of your height and if height is a limiting factor I will be the first person to admit it. But I had already botched the interaction at that point. 

One thing that's challenging for me is when we get a group that's new to climbing and pretty unresponsive. If kids are excited about climbing, that's easy to work with. And usually if kids aren't that into climbing I can build a good rapport. On the day this happened I felt like I couldn't do either. The kids didn't really want to climb and they didn't want anything to do with me. I think in those cases it's hard to sit back and wait because you want to do something. I'm a coach so I better go do coaching. But if the climber isn't really looking for coaching then you're just kinda asserting your authority for your own ego. Yeah, I think making it clear that you are a useful resource and willing to help but then waiting for them to initiate is the way to go. On top of basic monitoring safety and behavior and stuff.

good job past me coming through with the lentils

 finished my run tonight and it was pretty late and I was tired about to resign myself to not having a very good dinner BUT THEN!

I looked at my stove and remembered that six hours earlier, past Me had the foresight to start soaking a bunch of lentils in a pot. So I had a delicious dinner of lentils.

Dang, way to look out for me, me.

Feast of Fools

I was making the schedule for the overnight camp today and we needed an evening program and I wrote in Feast of Fools. It was this holiday celebrated by medieval clergy where for one day they would all elect some person of low status to be a False Archbishop and everyone who was high status would pretend to be all lowly and they would all listen and do whatever the False Archbishop said. 

A big thing about overnight camps is that they're very routine based by nature and so if you pay even a little bit of attention you can start to figure out what's going to happen at any given time. So I think it would be fun if for an afternoon/evening we elected arguably the least qualified camper and had them do an impression of what they thought running the camp day looked like. We'd boil an entire camp day down into about 90 minutes to 2 hours and every section of the day would be 5 to 15 minutes long and we'd have to do them exactly how the False Camp Director instructed.

Also, I learned that back in 11th century times, fool was a synonym for humble. So just a Feast of Humble People.

did it all today!

 man. truly a 110% day.

-woke up early

-had a meeting about camp

-went to the dentist and had NO CAVITIES and GREAT HYGIENE

-sent an email

-drove to the park and ran a GREAT WORKOUT

-coached some kids

-climbed on my own and finished all my project climbs and sent a bunch of new ones

-hung on the doorframe to my bathroom. don't worry it's safe

all that's left to do is EAT A LOT OF FOOD

 today a girl I coach gave me the babiest little tomato that she picked from her garden and instead of eating it I stuck it in my ear and insisted that it was my Air Pod for all of practice

photos from this morning

 

one of my plant corners

me looking sleepy because I just woke up

some rings in various stages of completeness

baby spider plants I plan to give away soon

an ink drawing on wood with some african violets also

the more you do, the more you can do

 the more you do, the more you can do

the point at which many grows from a few

you play pretty good fiddle boy, but give the devil his due

enough of the old becomes the new new

I'll dare to expect more from myself. I'll go further than beyond. Beyond the beyond.

Like a bug stuck to the roof of a volvo on the interstate. 

bug speed!

did 4 weeks of 8x200, now what? also, as best I can tell, my yearly bests in the mile since 2008

 There are two paths.

1) focus on 100 meter sprints and try to get really fast. like 100 meters in 13 seconds and 200 meters in 28 seconds (fast for me)

or

2) go up to 8x400 meters and try to break 5 minutes in the mile at the end of October

I'll do option 2. I've broken 5 minutes for a mile every year since 2008 and I haven't done it for 2023 yet.

Let me try to remember my yearly mile bests for every year:

2008- 4:54. at one of the last track meets of my junior year

2009- 4:50. at the first indoor meet of my senior year and then I didn't break it

2010- 4:40! I know it was at an EMU summer meet after my freshman year of college. 

2011- 4:37. random time trial with Team Blitz. I remember I went 70, 70, 70, 67

2012- 4:35. I think this was my PR for a while in an EMU summer meet the year I worked at the Rec Center

2013- 4:42 in a random workout with 2.0

2014- Before a cross country race in the Fall I ran like a 4:54 on the track. Also in the summer I would go to the track and run one sub-5 for a workout 

2015- 4:29. great 1600 time trial with Abrham. current PR. last great summer of training.

2016- 4:32. A time trial with RMR one morning. I remember I led most of this and closed really well

2017- Through April or so this was the fittest I've ever been but the only miles I can find are a random 4:59 I did at the end of a run on roads and the first mile of a really bad 5k that I ran in 4:55. still counts! I 

2018- 4:57. an injury filled year but I did some of my highest volume ever and ran this in sandals

2019- 4:44. this was that spring I was really really fast for no reason and ran this while feeling terrible

2020- 4:37. a covid time trial. I was really fit this year. did a lot of speed

2021- best I could find was a 4:53. don't know what I was doing this year. a bit lost

2022- 4:42 at a summer track meet at CHS. this was impressive given camp and the heat it was run in. got covid shortly after

2023- at some point in October I'll do it.

After I do the 10 miler in March 2024 I'm going to go back to trying to PR in the mile. I'm confident I can do it. Looking back through my yearly bests I'm impressed by my college times. My workouts weren't very structured and I think I was doing a lot of fast running at the end of runs. Maybe I'll do some more of that. It's always fun.

some things I remember from maw maw and paw paw's house growing up

- timing myself running around the house

-learning how to throw a frisbee

-the wood storage in the basement

-climbing on the sheds

-the cherry tree

-the grape vine

-the neighbor's house with a bridge over a creek

-the big satellite dish that moved in the backyard

-playing baseball

-trying to find the thing that changed in the house from my last visit

-the way the channels changed on the TV

-the breakfast bar

-getting my hair washed in the sink

-playing video games in the basement

-eating corn by the big tree in the backyard and maw maw saying, "I've seen birds clean it better than that!" and then I would have to eat every kernel off the cob

-the birthday cakes with my choice of decoration on the icing

-the treadmill and rowing machine in the basement

-the swings

-the smell of the inside of the sheds

-the truck and the car that sit outside my apartment now

-the old red car that would take us to their house on the weekend

-the way Maw Maw says AMP and Dunham-Bush

-waking up early and seeing Paw Paw sitting in his chair

-the way they laughed at hanna-barbera cartoons

-the way paw paw loved peanuts

-being sick on christmas and going to the hospital

-opening too many presents on Christmas Eve and not having as many to open on Christmas

-forming a clubhouse in the base of a big tree

-telling Maw Maw "I can eat grass!" and her saying, "No you can't. You'll throw up all over your new white shoes." And then I ate grass and threw up all over my new white shoes

I had a good childhood

peace mode and chaos mode

 My apartment has windows on two sides. My living room and bedroom windows face South and the shops and busy roads are on that side. My kitchen and bathroom windows face North and it's a quiet residential street with lots of trees and greenery. 

When I open the windows on the South side that's chaos mode. I hear the loud cars revving their engines on the bypass. I hear the people yelling outside the restaurant downstairs. The north facing windows are peace mode. I hear the birds in the trees. I hear someone practicing smooth jazz trumpet today. I hear the wind rustling the leaves.

Last night I woke up around 3 AM from coughing and I thought I was getting sick because I couldn't take a deep breath without wanting to cough. And then after I don't know how long I had a really big cough that hurt my throat and I guess it cleared whatever chalk dust or virus or whatever junk was in my lungs because then I was fine and my sinuses cleared and I passed out for like 6 hours straight.

Anyway right now it's peace mode and it's great.

Monday 2nd Session Club

 One way I know I've done something right as a coach is how weird the second session of Monday climbing club is. They're just really excited to be there and be themselves and also do a little bit of climbing. We get a lot of turnover and we get a lot of kids that decide climbing isn't as fun as they thought in a space that really isn't designed for kids climbing. It's hard when you only see the groups once a week to feel like you're making a connection but we've got a lot of returners in this session. It's very affirming to look at a group and say, it's no accident that you're like this. You're like this because I'M helping to run this show.

thought about droopy dog today

 you know what? I'm happy.

today the smell of coffee and maple syrup and open windows

took me back to a cabin in the woods

a very specific place that I can't fully remember

had a bunch of great days in a row

 I've been drawing a lot and putting them at the gym. That's been fun.

Climbing and running are going really well. I'm not sick anymore and the humidity went down so everything feels a lot easier.

Coaching has been fun. The kids are doing well and excited to climb.

no complaints.

just an absolute gold star day

 Slept well because I'm finally over my cold. My apartment isn't getting too hot anymore because it's cooling down at night. I did a drawing I was really happy about. I did my first track workout in months and the weather wasn't awful. It wasn't great but it wasn't awful. 

Had a good time coaching. Climbed after and that went well. Then I ate a bunch of food.

I always forget how much doing a little drawing at some point in the day makes me feel really happy and accomplished. Puts my head in the right space for the rest of the day.

getting back into actual climbing

 From around mid-July to now I haven't been climbing that much and have mostly been focusing on hangboarding which is where you just hang from a rung of a certain depth on a wooden board and see how much weight you can add. 

I was feeling like finger strength was a relative weakness and felt motivated to improve it in an objective measurable way. In my first hangboarding session it was pretty hard to hang at all from a 20mm edge and I found I could add about 15 lbs to my body weight and hang for 10 seconds. I improved pretty rapidly and last weekend I hung 45lbs plus bodyweight for 10 seconds. 

A large part of that increase can definitely be attributed to getting more familiar with the hangboard as opposed to an actual increase in strength. Regardless, I'm pretty happy with the improvement I made and excited to get back into actual climbing. I'll keep hangboarding about twice a week (one hard and one easier session).

If I had to make a running analogy I would say that I did the equivalent of improving my 100m sprint time. In climbing and running, top end performance is a large limiting factor to overall ability. If you can't run 100 meters in 15 seconds, there's no way you can run 400 meters in under 60 seconds. No matter how good your endurance or resistance to fatigue is. I think the same is true of climbing. If you can't pull a hard move on a bad hold, you won't send the climb. Or, if one move is too close to max effort then you won't have enough energy when you reach it and/or after you do it. 

Today was one of my first days of only climbing in a while and I can definitely tell that I lost some endurance and stringing multiple moves together felt harder than I remembered. Sometimes I would pull through the hard part and not have enough energy left to do a relatively easy finish. I'm not too bummed about it though. I can tell that my confidence has increased and the climbing fitness will catch up relatively quickly while the new finger strength shouldn't decrease at all. 

In an ideal training setup I wouldn't have cut out climbing as much as I did but running and camp were hard to manage. If I wasn't working outside at camp in the summer then I would've had a lot more energy to dedicate to climbing. Same with running. You can't do all three all the way. It was really really tough to do two. One is plenty. Anyway, the nice thing about hangboarding is it really only taxes your fingers and some relatively small muscles in your forearms so it was by far the least fatiguing form of training to still make direct improvements to climbing. 

I would really like to break into V6's and V7's this year. Last year I could send about every V5 in the gym and a lot of times I would be able to send a V6 in two parts but not put it all together so I could tell I was near the cusp. I think the training I did will make me more confident to persist on harder climbs and expect more from myself!

this is my inner middle school journal entry

 Just listened to Paint the Town Red! What a great song! Did you know that the music video is based on paintings she made? Incredible. It's an incredibly catchy song about how she doesn't care what people think of her and if you think that she's a bad person, well too guess what ding-dong because she would love to be the villain anyway. And then I was thinking about all the other great Doja Cat songs. Say So, Get Into It parentheses yuh, Kiss Me More, and Mooooo! Say whatever you want about Doja but she knows how to make pop bangers. 

And then earlier this week I saw a video of aman with a very scary intense face telling me that I shouldn't put bananas in my smoothie. He had one of those faces where you can see all the muscles and sinews and stuff in his face and it looked really tense and his eyes were super wide and he was like, "IF YOU PUT BERRIES AND BANANAS IN A SMOOTHIE TOGETHER THE BANANA HAS SPECIAL BANANA CHEMICALS THAT CANCEL OUT ALL THE BERRY CHEMICALS!" Well, guess what scary man? I wasn't trying to put berry chemicals in my body anyway. I just want to have the yummy smoothie that I like. That's awfully presumptuous to think it's acceptable to look like that and to assume my smoothie intentions.

Also I just heard a cricket and it was extra super loud. 

I'm siiiiiiiiiick

You can't work in a crowded climbing gym and not get sick

you can't work in a boggy swamp and not get slick

you can't work in a soccer ball and not get kicked

and you can't work in an elbow scab not get picked

humidity?

 I thought maybe my AC unit was a little off because it didn't seem to be blowing very cold air but then I also noticed my fan wasn't doing much either. Now I think it's that I've run my oil diffuser which is also a humidifier so much that the humidity in my apartment has reached a level where fans just don't work well.

I don't know. It's hot.

 A big part of aging probably has a lot to do with tight sore muscles. Since camp ended I've been spending time almost every day to stretch my hips, quads, hamstrings, and calves. I'm seeing a difference in my range of motion and also I'm not as sore between runs. I thought my hips were bad and they definitely are but today I realized my quads are super tight and used a massage roller on them. Getting up and walking around I can feel a difference. 

In other news, I woke up with a sore throat. Yesterday I was reminded what it's like to spend an afternoon in a loud crowded gym. I don't love it. But, things will settle down and get more boring. Eventually. 

Anyway, time to go survive a run in the heat!

nuclear warning written to last one hundred thousand years

“This place is a message, and part of a system of messages. Pay attention to it! Sending this message was important to us. We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.

This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here; nothing valued is here. What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger. The danger is in a particular location, it increases towards a center, the center of danger is here, of a particular size and shape, and below us.

The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours. The danger is to the body, and it can kill. The form of the danger is an emanation of energy. The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.”

Bars.

things I did today and also a poem

 -watered all my plants

-finished the Crying of Lot 49. it was weird

-mostly finished the drawing on wood I've been working on

-did a survey about coaching availability

-my kitchen towels and my blender were kinda smelly so I washed them

-did a great 15 mile long run

-made a decent smoothie

-stretched a bunch

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green green field in the hot hot sun.

Could anyone be so lucky to know that they stand

in a green green field in the hot hot sun.

With bees that sting and grass that itches

and sometimes the rotting carcass of a deer

in a green green field in the hot hot sun.

A long march across, long as the day,

oppressive heat but remembered as fun

in a green green field in the hot hot sun.

So go where you went and become what you are

And carry the thousand nameless feelings invoked

by a green green field in a hot hot sun

when you catch a break

 Yesterday the humidity dropped and I ran my first mile about a minute faster than I normally do and for a little while I was in a space where

anything is possible!!!

I'd like to try to stay in that space as much as possible. We'll see. Optimistic for sure.