August 31st (last day of summer?)

 The weather will stay hot. And the equinox isn't until the 21st/22nd. And camp ended almost two weeks ago. But the end of August feels like a soft end to summer. I like September. "septe" of course means 7 which makes sense with the months placement on the calendar. 

Yesterday I tried the climbs I said I was going to do. For the orange one that I said I needed to bump my left hand over, I ended up doing a cross with my right hand and it was a lot easier. That's what I get for trying to copy strong boy beta. Just reach your other hand over, dumb-dumb. For the white one with the jump, I got better at the jump and I solidly slapped the big sloper but I couldn't quite stick it. I noticed that it was really dependent on how hard I could grip the left crimp. It's small but it's pretty positive. I think I'll get it the next time. And then I worked on the black one and I actually got the move I'd been trying to hit but it turns out the next move is also very hard. Overall a good session and I made progress on several different climbs even if I didn't send them. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes a session has a bunch of sends and sometimes it's just laying the groundwork for future sendage. 

I had a really good 4 mile tempo in the afternoon that felt really comfortable. A 4 mile tempo at sub-6 pace really isn't anything impressive, I could do that 13 years ago no problem but it's still very hot out and I'm working towards my goal of massive amounts of mileage at sub-6 pace. I want to build a house on sub-6 island. We're making progress. And once the temperature drops it's just going to be open season on sub-6's that live on sub-6 island. 

I need to pick my truck up from the garage. They finished inspecting it. I need to fill in all the dates on my calendar that I am either coaching or working with camp. It's close to every weekend. nice!

August 30th! EXCITED TO CLIMB

 On Friday and Saturday I climbed really hard. Saturday in particular. My fingertips were RAW. Now I've had two days of rest and I'm FRESH AS A DAISY. We're ready to get after those projects. We're ready to flex the fingers! The flexor digitorus profundus!

I'm talking to v5 projects that we're trying to take down. One I've got most of the moves down and it just requires a wicked left hand bump off a heinous pinch to sharp crimp and it's about COMMITMENT. It's about CONTACT STRENGTH! Get the neurons firing to STICK IT. CONFIDENCE! We've got this! 

The second project is another wickedly sandbagged v5 that features a huge move off a bad left hand slopey pinch and decent right hand crimp with some feet that AREN'T WHERE YOU WANT THEM up to a disgusting right hand pinch. And it's about heaving your torso up there and STICKING IT! Refusing to drop. Defying gravity.

Then I'll probably just mess around. There's also a white v5 that I'm pretty sure I can get. It's a big jump move off slippery feet and I think I wore the wrong shoes last time. Gotta bring my jumpy boots.

August 29th: Grifters

 Sometimes I try to notice patterns in words being used. Like the frequency of them. I'm almost always wrong but it's fun to pretend. The word I think that has surged in popularity is "grift" and "grifters". 

Maybe in the past year I've heard it used a fair amount from multiple sources. Actually, let's check the google search popularity and see if I'm right. 

***checking***

ah-HA!

https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&geo=US&q=grift

Google has my back on this. In November of 2020 we hit peak grift, as they say. Hmmm, I wonder what historical event was going on in November 2020 that would have lead to a surge in the usage of "grift".

Prior to this I had only heard the term used in one Simpsons episode when Homer and Bart start grifting. That episode premiered in 2000. 

Anyway I think it's a useful term because it gets applied a lot to these shady tech scams dealing with NFT's and crypto. As well as politicians and people looking to take advantage of concern over social issues. 

I remember in the Simpsons episode, Grandpa Simpson finds out what Homer and Bart are doing and reveals that he wrote the book on grifting, being a con-artist during the Great Depression. Maybe that says something about the times we're living in. 

Anyway I had a really good workout yesterday. I was going to do 6xmile at under 6 minute pace but I felt good during the first rep and decided to change it to 3x2 miles which is a higher quality workout considering I'm not trying to go fast, I'm just trying to run as much under 6 minute pace as possible. It was really hot and humid so the effort was a little higher than I would've wanted but I think I did a good job of staying relaxed and sitting with the discomfort. By the end I'm not sure I could've done another one but also I was consistently running 87s and 88s instead of 90 second quarters so if I had slowed down and run the appropriate pace it would've felt much smoother. That's okay. The work was done and this is just the beginning. After I write this I'm going to go on a run. It's really hot but I have to get it done now because we have a coaching training at 5:30 and then I'm getting dinner after that. I also need to buy groceries. 

I talked to Luke and Erin on the phone yesterday. There are some of my favorite folks to talk to. I should find a way to visit Luke at some point. 

Off I go to bake in the sun. Smriti bought my sunscreen today and I put it on my face and it burnt my eye. Am I dumb or is sunscreen wrong?

August 28th: funky drawing

sk-1132

August 26th: 31 and 4 months

 1/3 of the way through. Try-outs last night went really well. I think the ratio of kids who are psyched and climbing and enjoy practice drastically improved. We now might have the opposite problem of last year--we have more kids who want to train and compete than spots on the team. It can be a good problem to have but, like I said yesterday, we really don't like turning kids away. The path to be on a team now is to either get on a club, which have limited spots, or come to the gym regularly to the point where you're noticed and known. I don't feel like that's too big of a barrier. At least one coach is in the gym almost all the time and it makes sense that if you want to be on a team you need to show some initiative and self-directed motivation. I think we've raised the bar from "interested beginners" to "motivated intermediate". 

I had a really good run last night because I happened to start running just as Thomas was passing by and I joined up with him for about half my run. Before my run I was thinking "oh my stomach hurts, oh I'm tired, oh I've been on my feet too long, I have a headache" and then running with someone else gave me some momentum and then for the 2nd half on my own I sped up and ended up running pretty fast at the end. It helps that the last 2 miles of my runs now have a significant downhill but it's also just how running is so mental. If I had been by myself I'm almost sure I wouldn't have felt that good and would've slogged my way through it and thought about how dead my legs felt. Instead I ran 10 miles under 7 minute pace for the first time in months and it was great. In the middle of upping my mileage a substantial amount.

There's a v6 in the gym that I really want to project because one of kids on the team figured it out and we tend to climb similar stuff. That's my project for the day. 

Reflecting on coaching: I think the most important aspect is establishing a positive coach-athlete relationship. Overwhelmingly the strength of a relationship determines how a given interaction or moment will be received. I don't believe that coaching or teaching can exist in the abstract where a person with knowledge or experience is sharing information with a student. A big problem I have with schools is that this is the model that they use. To me it's like giving someone a multi-vitamin and water and calling it the ideal diet. We know that there's so much more to food than nutritional science can explain just like we know that there's so much more to learning and how a person comes to form their worldview and identity yet we pretend like textbooks and tests are supposed to be sufficient. I'm rambling. What I meant to say was that I think on the foundation of a good relationship you can pass along tools and attitudes that might be useful in the future. By tools I mean things like positive self-talk, being able to ask for help, trying really hard, using humor, expressing how you're feeling, persisting at something difficult, self-evaluation and self-awareness, supporting and encouraging others. Obviously there are a ton of concrete, climbing-relevant skills that will be taught to but there's a quote by Mike Smith that I really like,

"It's not about where you end up, it's about who you end up becoming on your way there."

As for teaching all that stuff, I think you have to live it and be intentional. There's a stoic saying that basically says, it doesn't do any good for a sheep to talk about how much grass it eats, what matters is that it grows wool. If you hope to teach it, live it and do it. Don't just sit around yammering on a blog.

Anyway, I just noticed a line in my big toenail and I'm pretty sure it's from when I had covid and that's kinda cool. The end.

August 25th: smriti's birthday

 Yesterday I had a really good climbing session and sent 3(!) v5's. Without too many tries on them either! v5 climbs are starting to feel pretty comfortable although there are still some that completely shut me down. But that's also how v4's and v3's used to feel. I've been doing a lot of work on my finger strength and endurance. A goal I have for next summer is to get the deadhang record at camp. During the overnights we started doing this thing where we would see how long someone could hang from a rafter in the cabin. I got beat by several people and never took back the record which really hurt my pride as someone who considers themselves a climber and tries to get better at hanging from things. Two days ago, hanging from a pretty ideal hold I made it to 100 seconds which would be the camp record. I would like to get to 2 minutes. 

I had a good run after climbing. I was feeling pretty hungry but I ate a peanut butter bagel and was fine. I did some barefoot grass strides and felt pretty speedy. I checked in with the counselors to see how their doing and how school is going. I appreciate that they responded. It feels like we all genuinely enjoy being around each other but I also know that camp is somewhat separate and they have lives outside of camp. I don't want to bother anyone or feel like I'm overstepping a boundary. 

Today I've been pretty tired. I had breakfast with Smriti and now I'm about to go to try-outs for the climbing team. We have 50 kids signed up which is HUGE. Fully half of them could get turned away which is kind of a bummer because I think all of the coaches believe that we want to work with anyone who is interested in climbing. It's also exciting though because if we're being brutally honest, the work ethic and excitement around climbing last year was not shared by everyone and it really only takes one or two people to bring down the excitement and attitude of a small team. 

I started working on a pen drawing that I'm pretty happy with so far. It's been nice to work on a piece every day. Life has been pretty stress free and productive this week. I'm sure it won't last and I'll get bogged down with other things or tired or whatever but right now I'm having a great time. Probably a big part of it is living on my own and not having to think about sharing a space with other people. 

I'm going to run after try-outs and I'll probably be pretty tired so I'm trying to think of something that will make it seem interesting and worthwhile. Something to get excited for. Maybe I'll try to do some easy tempo miles on the track. We'll see. I might also just get in the mileage and worry about that tomorrow.

August 24th: join the covenant today

 Yesterday afternoon I went on a walk with Janey at Monticello. It was really good to catch up with her. So much drama! Then I ran with Corey and felt pretty good. This burst of energy I have from camp being over might catch up with me at some point. We'll see. Every day I've felt good enough to push medium hard and I'm running a lot more than I was. I ate dinner with Smriti and that was nice. I like not having to worry about getting ready for bed on time and prepping for the next day.

Today I made pancakes again and thoroughly enjoyed them. I woke up pretty late and had a lazy morning and then did more stretching and mobility work while listening to Glass Animals. I think How to Be a Human Being is my favorite album. I mostly finished another painting. It could either be done or I could work a lot more on it. I'm thinking maybe I'll put together a collection of paintings/drawings and writings and do something with it. I'm not sure yet. 

My friends and I were talking about Biden's debt relief announcement. We agreed that it was a good step but definitely not enough. It's like, if we agree that it's a problem and that it's bad for people to be in that much debt, then why only do a little? I don't know. It seems to all be based on this idea that a system is only fair and working if some people are punished and doing poorly and that if those punishments aren't strict or enforced then, y'know, anarchy will break out or something. Even though we know that these negative outcomes are unjust and actively harm everyone. We know for a fact that it's not good to have people fail. It is objectively better to support people even if they don't "deserve it". Look at efforts to treat housing like a medical issue and give people housing. Look at Finland giving a basic universal income. It's just so silly to me. 

Anyway I'm gonna go climbing and send a v5 slab I almost got last time.

Aug 23rd: stretching and loosening

 I spent a good amount of time this morning stretching and using a tennis and lacrosse ball to massage. I'm really tight all over. Should take about a week or so to get everything worked out. I'm not in any pain but my range of motion has decreased a lot and I feel tightness in a lot of places. 

I felt really good on my run yesterday. It was hot and sunny and I had run 11 miles the day before but the extra rest and sitting inside gave me a lot more energy than I've had the past few months. It was really encouraging to see improvement that quickly. 

I did some art because I have a lot of canvasses lying around and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I have this little toy duck that I've carried around every place I've lived since moving out for college and I did some squiggles and blobs and things and put the duck in the center in a hot tub/void kind of thing. It was fun to make.

Today I'm going to do a little hike with Janey and catch up. I haven't seen her in months. Maybe over a year. It's been too long. Then I might run with Corey in the evening. 

One thing I think a lot about at camp, and I'm sure I've talked about this before, is the idea of an emotional/attention economy. Everybody comes in to camp with a certain set of emotions and ideas they want to express as well as a level of need and a preference for what they want to receive. A lot of being a counselor is managing that economy. As a counselor it's important that you command a certain amount of attention and have something to offer because

1- you are potentially a big part of a camper's experience at camp

2- if you aren't commanding any attention then that void is going to be filled, most likely, by kids that want attention and, broadly speaking, they aren't always the kinds of people you want setting the culture and attitudes of a group. 

Based on absolutely nothing but a hunch, my guess is that people tend to want to offload negative emotions onto others and receive positive emotions and attention from others. Which, I don't think is a very helpful model to go off of. You wouldn't walk around trying to sell trash in exchange for candy or food or money. If you want to receive something valuable, (positive attention, respect, admiration, friendship, etc...) you're going to have give something valuable. The advantage as a counselor is that because you're in a position of authority, for most people you're attention and actions are going to have inherent value. It's like you're printing the money. 

I'd love to do some sort of game at camp where we treat counselors as stocks and somehow create a marketplace where they could be traded. The kids kind of already do it when they talk about "favorites". If you do something good they'll say you're their favorite counselor and if you do something bad they'll threaten that you're no longer the favorite. If we could formalize it somehow that might be fun or interesting.

August 22nd: back to running

 On Saturday I woke up and didn't want to move at all. I felt like a deflated balloon. Just a wrinkly saggy person. I found some old potatoes in the fridge and ate those and then spent the next 5 to 6 hours writing emails to the counselors to thank them for a great summer and try to convince them to come back next year. 

Then I climbed for a bit until the gym closed and then I went for a late night run and felt pretty exhausted. It was a weird day. There's definitely a cumulative fatigue that builds up over the summer and I felt the need to rest and do as little as possible. I did some cleaning around the house and organizing that I'd been putting off for a while. At one point I realized, on Sunday, that I'd left the Adequate Lifeguard award behind at camp so I drove out there to retrieve it. It was a good reason to get out of the house and it helped a little to go out there. 

On Sunday it rained for much of the morning and early afternoon. I didn't get as much sleep as I thought I would from Friday to Saturday but Sunday I slept a lot and would lie in bed and not quite nap. I called my mom in the afternoon and talked to her which was good. 

What I really like most of all is to be able to put energy into something that is rewarding and feels good and camp has always been that for me. There's always this big let down when it's over because there's not really a replacement for it socially. I did go on a run though and I committed to doing a longer run than I've done in months and it felt really good. It reminded me that running is something I can put energy into that is positive and I took a lot of relief from that. I did over 11 miles at a pretty good pace and I thought I was going to slow down a lot towards the end but when I reached UVA and Main street there were a lot of people and traffic and it's fun to pass cars that can't go fast so I ended up surprising myself and running a pretty decent mile towards the end. 

Today I made some pancakes for myself because I've had pancake mix for years that I've never used and I'm glad I finally used it. I've also done a lot of stretching while listening to podcasts and youtube videos. My hamstrings and legs in general are really tight and I haven't taken the time to work on them at all. I need to get some mobility back.

Looking ahead to this year I'm a little anxious about money because my rent is a lot more than it was last year but I also know that I'll be making more money. I'm not sure how much but I'll figure it out. It's hard not to be worried about money considering that a lot of people aren't doing well and are in debt these days. By all measures my generation is worse off than the previous generations. I'm happy with what I do and I know I'll be fine but it is generally depressing. 

Anyway, I need to go do my dishes and eat some fruit and text Stewart about climbing today. I'll probably do an easy run of about 8 or 9 miles in the afternoon.

saw Erin today!

 I also saw her on Saturday! It was great to see her. We had good climbs :)

It's been a really really great summer at camp and I'll be sad when it's over but it takes a toll on the body and I'm excited to be able to rest a bit more and not be out in the heat all day every day.

bought DEF for the first time

 apparently diesel vehicles like the camp van I drive need something called Diesel Exhaust Fluid or they shut off and refuse to start. I had to buy something recently in the middle of nowhere Virginia and one of the campers I was with got some on his hand. I said, "that's okay, that won't hurt none."

Or maybe it's "that won't hurt nothing." I think it's "that won't hurt none". I got it from MawMaw and it's a useful phrase.

a core memory from this one time

 One time I was in my mom's car and she was driving me home from afterschool and I remember exactly where we were at the bottom of this hill at a stoplight and I think we were listening to NPR or something and this person they were interviewing said something about "young people tend to behave in this way at this age" or something like that and I remember I was so offended and indignant. I yelled something like "that's not true! he doesn't know anything!"

I'm thinking about it now and I'm thinking that maybe what I was offended by was the idea that someone was exerting control over me by describing how I was supposed to or was likely to behave based on my age. And thinking about it now, I guess it's not that drastic an assumption but I think something I believe very deeply is that at any moment any person could do something utterly spontaneous and new. I really believe that's an important part of being human. If it's all set and describable and determined then what's the point really? Even if things tend to follow a pretty regular pattern I think there has to be room for chaos and something new to occur. 

That and some kneejerk defiance against some random guy trying to tell me my business.

eating frozen blueberries out of a mug

 I think younger versions of myself would be proud of who I am today

I need never get old

what an adventure this life of mine 

Howling at Nothing

 by Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats is a really good song.

Time to go run! I'm going to do 4 miles in my barefoot shoes and my calves are probably going to give out in the first mile. Maybe two miles. But that's okay. I'm excited to do more barefoot running and I know from experience that they will adapt pretty quickly if I stick with it.