Things I'd Like to Do In June

I'd like to keep up with this blog. I think it's been helpful to write about running and reflect. 

I'd like to run a fast mile. Today I did some 800m repeats and 2:23 pace felt pretty comfortable. Relatively. So, for running on my own that bodes well for a mile. And then after 6 800s I did a 400 in 65 that felt pretty good. 

I ran really hard on Tuesday with all out sprints and then tried to do a pretty challenging 11 mile run because I was feeling good the next day. Then that really jacked up my hip so I had to improvise and run easy on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I don't normally like to go three days without a hard effort but I didn't really pay attention to my body and paid the price for it. But I think everything is fine.

In terms of training for June, I'll need to manage working at camp and that will be an adjustment with a lot more time spent on my feet and outside. I've been so fortunate to stay off my feet and stay inside and not have to move much while home. Transitioning back to living on my own, it's a lot easier for me to not recover as well as I should. Getting dehydrated, doing stupid things at work, over exerting myself. Not sleeping as much. I'll really need to stay on top of those things or I will get hurt and be disappointed with myself.

I've gotten to the point in running where a 64 second 400 feels really good. I know that's an arbitrary measure but it feels like a new plateau of fitness reached. Similar to where I was a year ago. So I think it would be great if I could maintain that fitness throughout the summer. 

The heat makes it tough to do 5k/10k/half marathon training very effectively. If you run during the hot part of the day like I do, mile repeats are difficult even if you're feeling good because the heat will wipe you out. But I enjoy running in the heat. And I think I can get in some really quality long runs with Peyton and continue to do some faster work. 

It would be fun to attempt a sub-60 400, a sub-45 300, a sub-30 200, and a sub-15 100 in one session. With lots of rest. So far for this season my bests for those distances are a 61, 46, 28, and 13.9. I'm fairly sure I can run a 59 second 400 fresh right now. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to. And then it's a question of whether that would totally wipe me out for the 300. I think I can do it. If the 400 doesn't totally kill me then I should be able to do it. Maybe I'll attempt that later this week.

Cycles

I don't know how many times I've been through this cycle. Probably once every year or two since about 2010.

When you pay a lot of attention to running. And get really excited about it. And fixate on it. You tend to improve a lot and enjoy what you're doing and have a lot of energy for it. Also at some point you tend to get hurt because you get too excited and then you take all that fixation and investment and it gets kind of ugly when you are hurting and injured and can't run the way you want.

So you stop caring about running as much and you do it it in a more conservative way and don't pay as much attention to it so that you won't get hurt and you can make smarter decisions when the need to not run or run easy arises.

So then I guess the trick is staying motivated without being injured and discouraged.

This is all a long way of saying that I went out too hard on my long run today, even though I was feeling really good, and 7 miles into it I had to admit that my hip was simply not having any of it today. So I kinda did a jog/limp/walk of shame back home for the last 4 miles.

Really the worst part was finishing out the run. Because I did run a high quality 7 miles at a good pace with reasonable effort on a hilly loop. If I could have somehow planned it so I could've just ended the run at 7 and then showered and stretched and massaged, I wouldn't have that much to be upset about. But having to get back home when you really don't want to be moving anymore is pretty defeating and it's hard not to think anything other than, "I should not be moving right now. This hurts.  I wish it was not hurting."

But I think I managed my frustration pretty well. I think I have a good idea of what I need to do to get my legs feeling better. I mean, I really was getting away with murder to take one day off, feel great, and then do three quality days in a row. I've really been running hard since like, last Friday. Except for one day completely off. So, I had my fun. I'm backing off now. I'll have some busy days coming up and maybe that's for the best.

Tomorrow's goal is to do a very easy run with no pain. Barefoot. On grass. And then at most I'll do another very easy run on Friday. Really gonna recover. I promise. No plans for workouts. I've had my fill of fast running and quality. Ready to just run easy and feel good.

good job andy

you made your hip go from hurting a lot to not hurting at all without running less. You just took one day off and then instead of taking easy days, you went EXTRA hard and the hip is better than ever.

But actually. I've been really pain free and I'm excited about that. And I DID run the 100s in under 14 seconds.

13.9, 13.9, 13.9 and then with a flying start 13.73. 

Then I did a 300 in 46.20. Which I was hoping for something faster. But that's pretty good.

Then 9xhill which was just for effort.

I feel really good. I think stretching, massaging, warming up properly, getting enough sleep, not doing extra work outside of running, and hydrating are really paying off. Who knew?!

I knew. I knew the whole time.

Tomorrow is a moderate 11 miles.

recovery happened faster than I expected

Legs felt really good after a day off. I ran a fast and controlled 600m at THMS in flats in 1:35.

did a jog around the XC course and still felt good so I ran a 61 for 400m. Again, fast and controlled. 

Tomorrow I think I'll do some speed. maybe 4x100m. standing start. try to run under 15 for each one. Can I get under 14?? maybe with a tailwind. If I run the first one in under 14 then I'll try to break 14 for all of them. Then 9x EMU hill with jog recovery. That would be a really good speed workout. Then some light weights. Squats, bridges, hip strengthening.

This is all assuming the hip is fine.

Then Wednesday go long and easy. 10-11 miles.

Thursday an easy hour with lots of stretching and form drills.

Friday I'm moving to my new place in cville. probably a light run.

Saturday I might take another shot at Long Run Rd and run hard from the start. That would be a good final workout before the summer starts. I would want no lingering pain before that one though as it beats up the legs pretty good.

Running Training for the Week

I think the priority for this week has to be getting my hip to stop hurting. I think I found a good place to massage and clear up the knots and I took today completely off so I expect it to be better tomorrow. At least a little bit.

I'll probably go out to the Golf Course and do a nice easy warm up with lots of stretching and drills. And then if everything is feeling good, do some light strides around the course.

If there's no pain the next day I might do some hills over at EMU. Just fast and feeling good.

If Wednesday still no pain then I'll run longer, maybe 10 or 11 miles. Stretch really good. 

And we'll see from there. It's totally possible that there could be pain tomorrow and it could be not improving. We'll see. Mentally I'm shifting from pushing myself to resting and making recovery the priority.

it was warm today

Didn't have a great run today. It was the first warmer day in a while. I thought my legs would still be pretty fresh though because I haven't run much the past 3 days.

I think the heat got to me on a hard tempo loop. That's okay. I've blown up on that loop before. It's never easy.

I think it's time to rest a little. Clear up the pain in my hip.

I need to make a new training schedule.

My goal for the summer is to run a sub 4:30 mile. Maybe.

We'll see. I might not have as much time to dedicate to running with camp. But I can't be too far off that fitness. Tentatively making that goal and then we'll see what my work schedule looks like. I would like to do a mile time trial in June at least.

My sister started a blog and also I ran an 800 today

It's really good. I'll let her comment on this post if she wants to share it. It's really well written and she's using it as a tool to help process and also share her love of cartoons.

Which is great. A great concept for a blog. Not like mine which was born out of a compulsive need to put stuff out in the world for attention. 

Today I ran a hard 800. The hardest 800 I've run in recent memory. I haven't run the first lap of an 800 in 61 seconds since high school probably. Over 10 years ago. I felt okay. And then with about 250 meters to go I felt myself getting tense and a bear jumped on my back. Which should happen with about 100 meters to go in an 800. Not 250 meters to go. But that was good.

It wasn't a smart way to run a 800. I ran a 2:11. But I took myself to a place that I haven't been in a really long time. Like in years. And I think my running has really suffered because of it. It's been cool to go back and do all these things that I'd abandoned. Like stretch, and do drills, and run fast and do time trial 800s. I really love it. I'm seeing improvement. I'm racing a lot. And it's fun. I don't know. I think part of my knew that I didn't really enjoy running road races so infrequently. But I was really on a mileage kick for a few years. Maybe also some fear of injury. When I've dropped down to faster stuff I do tend to get injured pretty badly. Due to poor management of injury. And to be honest I'm not completely healthy right now. My hip has been bothering me off and on since March. But it's never affected a hard effort. 

What was I saying?

The hard 800. I wanted to talk about the pain. I'm sure I was an ugly sight coming up the homestretch. And then I don't remember falling to the ground but I was definitely down on the ground immediately after. I didn't pass out or anything. My body was just like, "on the ground. now." And I obliged. I was still feeling weird even like 30 minutes after. It was a trip. 

I kinda remember why I used to dread racing my senior of high school. I used to think it was because I was racing too much. Which was probably true. But I think I'd forgotten the kind of place you need to take yourself to when you run an 800. It hurts. It's not fun. On top of the regular stress of being a high schooler? Yeah, no wonder I was dreading it.

But now I'm like, oh yeah! Lemme feel something. So that's cool. It was kind of a spiritual experience. It's your brain not getting enough oxygen I guess. 

I'm really thankful for this like crazy side quest in the narrative of my life. Like I pursued all these totally different goals and it featured all these characters who have been somewhat on the periphery of my life for a while. I went back to a lot of things I thought I understood and learned new things about them. Honestly it's so cool. To be back in a place where I can set my own agenda for myself and see how people and opportunities sprout up around it. And you get support and learn stuff along the way. Very cool.

The 800 is like that. This thing that I did the most right before I left harrisonburg for college. This thing I've come back to as I've returned to Harrisonburg. I thought I was done with it and it turned out to be a think I should've come back to a lot sooner.

Recognizing My Students

Today I made some videos that I had been meaning to make for a long time to recognize my afterschool students. It was a lot of fun to think back on what they did and how great they are. I've never loved and missed afterschool more than in this time. Normally around this time of year, at least last year, I was pretty checked out and ready for summer to begin. It feels good to encourage kids and congratulate them for making afterschool a good place by being themselves. I miss em.

you can cry

I think you can cry not because you're sad, but because you just love someone that much. It's just overwhelming. But it feels good too. It feels good to cry and know that you love someone who reminds you to be gentle and kind and live a good life and treat others well. That feels good.

today was an important day.

3x400

Today I did my full warm up which I've gotten really used to. Now just about every day I do some form of stretching or form drills or both and I'm seeing a lot of improvements. I definitely have better range of motion and on Sunday and Monday I ran barefoot for my entire run, which I can comfortably do on roads now, and I feel a different sensation when I run.

I feel my foot striking and then snapping back up and there's kind of a floating sensation that accompanies it. I've been taking the advice of Coach Carl Lewis and really focusing on putting my foot down and I'm definitely starting to see the benefits. When I've seen video of myself running, it kind of looks to me like I'm running into the ground. Or I'm sitting back and the energy isn't being transferred. That's really vague. But what I'm feeling is a snappiness and a pop in my stride that I can't remember ever feeling before. So that's really exciting.

Anyway, the workout was a final tune-up before my 800 time trial on Friday and I felt really good about it. By the end of the warm up my legs were feeling good. I did 3 400s, with the goal of running faster on each one and finishing with a sub 60. In my head I thought I might go 66, 62, 59. Something like that.

What I did was 64, 61, 61. So the first and 2nd reps were faster than I anticipated and the 3rd one was a little slow. But it was a little windy so I'm not going to beat myself up too bad about that. And I know that I gave it everything I had. I was completely tying up at the end of the last one. The rest was about 4 minutes after the first one and then 5:30 after the second one. 

I felt pretty done by the end and that's all I needed to do before the 800. I like being in a space where I can confidently run a fast 400. Like I've done enough now that I know what it feels like and I know I'm going to make it to the finish so I look forward to running fast instead of dreading it.

Last year I was doing similar workouts. Except double or triple the length and I was feeling REALLY fit. The mistake I made though was getting hurt and basically ruining my summer. I would much rather have a slightly less impressive Spring and then a great summer.

I think it's basically a given that I will miss some days of running due to my job which will have me leading overnight trips but I think as long as I'm healthy I can still get in some quality efforts on my off days and the extra rest will probably benefit me as it's been a while since I've taken a real break from running. 

I have some good speed again, my strength is still really good, I'm stronger and more resilient than before. I really think I can do something special. I have more tools than ever before and I'm really excited about the future.

midnight gospel

my sister is visiting this week and we watch an episode or two of the midnight gospel every night. it's been really good and gotten me thinking a lot about consciousness and states of being. 

Running has always been a way to access that kind of thought. 

A lot of times you can get locked up in your thoughts and the same thoughts and worries start to swirl and constrict and create a negative cycle. Running has always provided a way to clear that drain blockage. Like those thoughts are able to pass and new thoughts are allowed to come in. It's gotta have something to do with moving the body and hormones get released and you activate more pathways in your brain. You change your brain chemistry and probably the structure too. 

There's also a sense of just running away that's really powerful too. A sense of going to a space where your worries can't get to. Like when I worked at a boarding school, in the mornings I would run out in the woods and none of the stress of that school could reach me out there. And you at least get the chance to flirt with the idea of being wild and free. Outside of society and all these things that anchor you to a space, a sense of stability and comfort but also anxiety. 

Now I'm thinking about how much we need to medicate just to function. What was I saying?

Oh yeah,  I had a stress dream last night about some kids in my art class who were challenging. I consider myself someone who is good at working with challenging, high need students. And I have a theory that my body doesn't want me to get too far away from that stress. So that I'll be ready for it and able to function when it happens instead of shutting down or reacting out of control. Anyway usually in these dreams the kids are really misbehaving and they never respond positively to my corrections or whatever. Although usually I think I do a good job. But it never goes well and it's very stressful and then I wake up. 

I don't know what that has to do with running. Maybe you could make some connection to running as pain management. And that your body can adapt to stress and pain through exposure and you can learn to work within that and not see it as pain anymore. Alternatively, you can go even deeper into pain than you thought possible. I guess that important component to that is choice. If you choose to run every day or deal with unruly middle schoolers, and keep making that choice long enough then you'll adapt. You'll find ways to get better. That's maybe true. I like 60% believe that. 

connection

Maybe I've already talked about this but at the camp I worked at I'm pretty sure I had a hundred dollar bill stolen out of my wallet. And, that was upsetting. But I didn't say anything because I didn't really think there was much that could be done.

But the next week or very shortly after I got an offer to be an art teacher! Which was great. And obviously way more valuable than a hundred dollar bill.

And today I was getting pretty anxious because I'm missing a W2 form and I was worrying that someone might have taken it and now they have my social security number and info about me or something.

But I also heard back today about another job I was looking into. So that was really good and an exciting opportunity. 

And I was reminding myself that connections to people are way more valuable than things that can be stolen. And if you have good relationships, those will provide way more than the kinds of things that people take in a fit of goblin behavior. Maybe this isn't true but I'd like to think that a function of stealing is having trouble building authentic, trusting relationships. It's probably both a symptom and a cause.

I want to keep relationships in the front of my mind and not get bogged down in this weird transaction system that we've arranged so that people can coexist in complete anonymity from one another. It's kooky, man.

Happy Mother's Day

happy mother's day!

I don't plan to get a tattoo but if I did it would likely be something like this! Maybe not covering my right hand 😅

One good thing from all of this is how much time I've been able to spend with you. The more places I go and the more people I meet, the more I realize how lucky I am to be your son. You've taught me so many lessons by being such a strong, resilient, intelligent, caring person. Thank you, Mom. I don't know when I'll be able to spend this much time at home again and that has made this a truly special Mother's Day.

wanting to learn this....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E58CucUPCUw

I can't call something but what it is, Diane.

There are three things that I'm faithful to. God. Truth. and You.

You want me to break that promise? You want me to lie? Could you call our marriage moist?

You could lie to me like you did about joey but we worked through it. I wasn't perfect either. I closed myself off from you. The late nights. The boozin'. The women. And the men too.

Were we always happy, Diane? No. But I have loved you for 34 years. That faithful night. In the Florida Keys. Just me and you.

Do you remember what we said, Diane? Beneath the sheets. the water. the sand.

Do you remember a time of innocence. Just me you and the kids. he was such a beautiful boy, Diane. He could run so fast.

Diyaaaaaaan

Diyaaaaaan (whispers)

You wrestle inside me.

For eternity. Everything and nothing. Even when you got sick. I was right by your side. I was so scared. Glioma blastoma. Stage 4 brain cancer. They said you'd never make it.

And then, a cure!  A far away human colony. 8 billion light years away from this hellish disease.

So, uh, we had to uh, clone you. Which was really hard for me. well, your cloned body, but not your cloned mind.

As we entered hypersleep, on our return voyage, a black hole consumes earth 7 the vestigial ghost planet we once called home

our life pods swirled around the singularity like fractals into infinity. adrift in space, all we knew was cold and  darkness

but the engineers, our ancestors, they saved us, Diane.

Ah, Diane. Have we always favored the way of grace? Or like, two celestial bodies we warped and shrouded one another. Our dreams intertwined like roots in the ground. We crossed the chasm between our love and the unknown. a dance of space and time.

Take my hand now. Let us go further in time. Ten trillion years into the future we go. After the great nebula conflict. After the last Dyson sphere. nothing left but me, you, and the void. how many hours have we been here, diane, how many days, how many years, an ocean of time passes. the universe dies. yet we remain. I can't take another step without you by my side. remember diane nature is order and nature is chaos. After all these years, all this time, one question remains. Tell me. What is this muffin?

Check In

Hi, me. How are we doing?

We're doing good. We're running well. We are getting signs that camp is going to happen this summer. We have started whittling. We make paintings. We have a place to live with a guy who is also a runner. We had some warm weather. Life is firing on all cylinders right now.

FULL SPEED AHEAD AND LET'S MAKE SOME MAGIC HAPPEN!

my mom is hilarious

my dad has been painting a car he got at an auction and he tried some techniques for the first time and it didn't come out the way he wanted but today he took it out of the garage and it was seen in the light of day for the first time and my mom took one look at it and said, "looks like an easter egg dipped in all the colors."

utter savagery. one liner game cannot be topped. Sharon.

possum video

I saw a video of a jolly possum walking down the road as Matthew Wilder's Break my Stride played and I thought "this is me. this is all I aspire to be"

we can understand Nietzsche's sense of generosity as a virtue not as a mere overcoming of miserliness but as a quite literal overflowing.

This possum video makes my heart overflow and grants me generosity. thank you lil possum. thank you matthew wilder.