Julie Reads This Blog Sometimes I Think

Happy Birthday Julie! You have been a really good friend to me for like, 6 years now! Which is crazy to think about. I hope you're enjoying this day. I ran a really hard run and then I was loopy afterwards. So, a good sign I guess.

Guide to Andy's Omens And What They Mean

Andy runs really hard and is really tired after: a positive sign. fortune smiles upon this day.

Andy heats up coffee in the microwave and then forgets about it: troubling. better watch out. mischief is afoot.

Andy thinks "oh I wish I had coffee." checks the coffee pot and sees there's no more coffee. looks for his mug and can't find it. remembers he heated up that coffee and left in the microwave: ALL IS REDEEMED. The land giveth and the land taketh away BUT THEN the land doth giveth-backsies

Andy flosses: diligence is high. prepare to be excellent.

Andy eats oatmeal: this happens literally every day. it signifies nothing.

Andy sees a bird that he likes: uh oh. the world is smiling.

Yeah that's pretty much all of them.

Tolstoy's Story's for Children

The great writer Leo Tolstoy wanted to start a school at some point in his life and being a writer, he wrote a bunch of stories that he thought would educate the children. Russian wisdom seems to be pretty dark and have a dim view of humanity. Here's an example of one of the stories taken from a recent review of a collection of these fables.

https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/leo-tolstoys-childrens-stories-will-devastate-your-children-and-make-you-want-to-die/

“Death of a Bird-Cherry Tree.” A property owner orders a tree cut down, then reconsiders. “It seemed a shame to kill such a beautiful thing.” But the woodcutter has already started, so he takes up an axe and lends a hand. “And then an unnerving sound came from inside the very soul of that tree. It was as if someone was screaming in unbearable pain, a tearing, wrenching, long, drawn-out scream.” The woodcutter says, “Whew, she don’t die easy, Sir!” Then the tree falls. The end.

I like them. I think they're funny. They definitely come from a different set of values and a different view of how to prepare children for the world. I thought I would come up with one of my own.

The Rollerskates

One day in the gym a child was skating on rollerskates. He was called to go home and before he left, Mr. Andy told him to make sure he put the rollerskates back on the shelf where he got them in the closet. The boy, being short, lazy, and thinking himself clever, hid the rollerskates behind the trashcan that held the pool noodles.

Mr. Andy wanted to make sure that the boy put the skates away so he told the boy to wait until he inspected the closet. Mr. Andy saw no skates on the floor and did not see them behind the trash can. He let the boy go home.

The next day when the gym teacher moved the trashcan he discovered the rollersaktes. He was furious. He gathered all the children of afterschool in a big circle and made them watch as all the skates were burned in a fire.

The End.

I'm 29!

Oh man. I started this blog when I was like 15 or 16 years old or something. That's crazy.

What do you feel like you did well this year, Andy?

I think I adjusted to a new camp well and made some good connections. In general I think I was able to make adjustments well. I became part of a new camp. I became an art teacher. I lived with new people. I also made adjustments to running and was pretty good about managing my time even when I was busy.

I also think my art really improved. I became a lot more competent and confident in drawing from putting in a lot of practice. That was exciting.

What do you feel like you could have done better?

In the summer I didn't run as much as I would have liked. I really struggled with foot pain and it took almost all summer to realize it was a big knot in calf that needed to be massaged. I learned a lot from that and it's already proven useful again. I know when I'm feeling pain to look for major muscles that could be having some problems.

But, the disappointing thing was that I got in really really good shape at the end of the Spring and I think I kind of let it go to waste. At the time I had just finished a disappointing series of races and I think I was ready to take a break from running but by the end of the summer I sort of felt like I was behind where I wanted to be and wasn't able to carry that momentum as well as I would've liked.

I had some very promising starts and overall I've put in a lot of good work this year, but I haven't really put it together.

side note: I started rock climbing and lifting weights and I think those were both really positive things. I wish coronavirus didn't utterly derail those things. But I know I will go back to them when I can and I am looking forward to that.

Towards the end of being 28 I started dating again and I think that was mostly positive. It was kind of confusing at times and it also got really derailed by coronavirus but it's something I think I could've started sooner and yeah, good job 28 year old me for trying that.

What are you looking forward to for next year?

 I feel like I'm at a point where I need to start making some things happen. Whether in running or art or a job or relationships.

Like when I first moved to Charlottesville I joined the really good running club and I committed to that and it was really hard but I ran the best races I've ever run. Then a job and injuries kinda got in the way and I don't know if I've really gotten back to that level of commitment. Or, if I did, I made some kind of foolish mistakes and it wasn't running in ways that helped me race the best.

So, just now I wrote out a plan for the next month to try to run a fast 800 meters. That's something I haven't done in a really long time. An 800 or writing out a plan. I'm hoping I'll get some good results from a concrete goal and plan.

Professionally, I went into this year with a lot of momentum really excited about camp and leading trips and the potential of that extending beyond the summer as well. It looks like that won't happen. At least this year. So, I think after school is still worth sticking around for, I really want to do that and then the question is, "what is the other piece?"

Is that getting another job? Is it trying to do something with art? We shall see. But I think I need to commit all the way to whatever I decide. And really go after something.

I don't know. I mean, I thought the summer was still safe and it looks like that might be off the table. And then who knows about the Fall. or The Winter.

What I can control right now is running--which I'm committing to. and creative pursuits. reading, drawing, writing, making videos. And I think I'm doing okay on that front. So, I'm in a financially stable place right now.

Go me! Get through this stretch. Reconvene when more data available.

good people make a difference in the world

I really think being a good person makes all the difference. Because, why put up with any of this? Why live in this world run by greed and fear? Good people. People who are kind and bring out the kindness in others. I really believe that.

AfterSchool Plans

How to Start the Day

Mondays- Music Monday. name the song. win a prize!

Tuesday- the name game! A name puzzle. Figure out the name based on the clues.

example: Britney. the clue would be: a person from England plus a part of the leg. Brit + Knee

Wednesday- Limerick Challenge. fill in the blank at the end of the poem!

Thursday- Volunteer Introductions OR checking the afterschool voicemail

Friday- Word of the Bird release!

Also: Birthday Bone.

we found an old bone in the woods and we take the kids' picture with it on their birthday. I'd like to start a display of the kids and hang it up in the cafeteria.

just some thoughts

I'm starting to feel normal again after my really long run on Saturday.

I emailed a school in harrisonburg to find out about doing an outdoor education program for young students. That's giving me some motivation right now.

I've had two people email me about this weird Lemon painting I posted on craigslist and I've already given away the original but now I'm remaking them. That's exciting. I'm using some cardboard circles that came with frozen pizzas. They have cool sharpie drawings on the back.

I'm going to run soon and I'm curious how my quads will feel. They're still really sore but it probably doesn't warrant taking another day off. I'm not sure what I'll do for workouts.

I ended up deviating from my written plan for Saturday and did a 5-6 hour run/hike with Jeff. It's been a strange week. On Monday or Tuesday I did that really hard short sprint workout that made my hamstrings and glutes sore for three days. And then as soon as that healed I did an ultramarathon that beat my quads. Is that effective training?? It's something.

So the priority for this week is making sure I recover and don't injury myself after that mega-long run and then getting back to shorter faster stuff.

Also I want to get into whittling and wood working again. I wanna make birds out of wood.

So yeah, big plans. None of it very much related to my current jobs but those don't feel very real right now. And the future feels very uncertain. Not in an altogether bad way though.

Love You Paw Paw

some thoughts about afterschool

-I think a place where kids can have safe and productive interactions with each other is really valuable

-productive in this case meaning something that they engage in of their own choosing and take confidence from. and have fun.

-fun isn't frivolous. real fun is engagement and discovery and connection. why would you not want to prioritize fun?

-I get really tired and really frustrated with people who don't engage with kids and don't have a connection to kids who think they can dismiss notions like this because it doesn't fit with what they believe education to be. or what they think kids need. without knowing the kids or spending any meaningful amount of time in that environment.

-I get that it's one of those things that just leads to disagreement and everyone has what they think is a valid opinion and a lot of time it just comes down to rank and procedure and I understand all of that and how to work within that environment. But it still doesn't change that I feel really strongly about these things and I know they aren't crazy and I've seen enough to know what matters.

-I shouldn't let myself get so frustrated by what other people think. I guess if someone disagrees the implication is that I'm incompetent for having these ideas or I've missed something somehow. I know I'm not.

but it's alright now, I learned my lesson well, you can't please everyone so you got to please yourself

all ignorance toboggans into know
and trudges up to ignorance again:
but winter’s not forever, even snow
melts; and if spring should spoil the game, what then?

all history’s a winter sport or three:
but were it five, i’d still insist that all
history is too small for even me;
for me and you, exceedingly too small.

Swoop (shrill collective myth) into thy grave
merely to toil the scale to shrillerness
per every madge and mabel dick and dave
–tomorrow is our permanent address

and there they’ll scarcely find us (if they do,
we’ll move away still further into now

how can there?

How can there be anything left to say? Just looking around, there's been at least a million words written in all of a human history.

A MILLION.

do you know how many that is?

Like a bucket in the ocean.

I did some SPEED work today

My new running goals are to build up to more barefoot running and try to run under 2 minutes for 800 meters. I think I've been close before but I've always focused on longer races and recently I've started running with someone who is definitely under 2 minute shape. So all I have to do is get fit enough to do it and then he can drag me to it.

This week looks kind of weird because I started it with a long run to make up for not doing one the previous week and then the rest of the week is low mileage.

Sunday- 125 minutes. 17 miles. I did this the day after a hard track workout and I had good energy but then mechanically things started to fall apart in the last mile. But it was still good.

Monday- 45 minutes. Very easy. very sore. Understandable after a hard workout and then a 2 hour run. I did this run completely barefoot as that's something I want to build up more of.

Tuesday- 60 minutes. Went to a grass soccer field and sprinted the length of the field 6 times as fast as I could. It's very rare that I ever do speedwork without a long run before or at the end of a hard workout. It burns a lot more when your muscles aren't fatigued first! I'm really happy with this workout though. My hamstrings were really tight and I felt like I got a good stimulus! Speedwork gives you great bang for your buck, especially when I've focused so heavily on mileage for years and neglected speed work.

Wednesday- 60 minutes. An easy aerobic run. Maybe an uptempo mile to close things out if I feel good. Or some relaxed 200s on the track.

Thursday- I'd like to do a 4 mile loop with alternations of 60s uptempo running and 30s relaxed running. Never straining except maybe in the last mile. Then jog to a hill and do some fast short hill sprints. That would be a really good session.

Friday- see how I feel. Probably recovery.

Saturday- some X's. about 12-15 minutes. start gradual and build up.

then maybe Sunday or Monday of the next week do an 800 time trial. to see where I am. take a long rest. like 15 minutes. and then do a sub-5 mile. Probably Monday. That would be good.

I saw a lawn roomba today

Way out in the middle of nowhere on my run. Just a little robot mowing the grass. No one around but me and that lawnmower robot. It made me smile.

Happy Easter

My memories of Easter are being with family and getting all kinds of treats and candy and doing easter egg hunts and playing outside. It was pretty perfect. It was everything you'd expect Easter to be.

And, one thing I was thinking about is how I feel confident to do things that I like and make things and share things because I was really supported by family when I needed to be. And I was encouraged and allowed to be a person and grow up to have interests and passions. My family gave me that gift and, right now, with no work, all of my time is going to what I like, what I would do if money wasn't a thing. And that's because of my family again. Internally and externally I'm supported by these people and I'm really really thankful for that. Like, unbelievably thankful.

happy easter

The Collage Video!

collage idea

I had an idea for a video where I record myself building a collage on an app on my iPad and then put weird music over it and talk about strange things. that could be fun. 

the marhsmallow king approaches

a climber hangs over the edge of a cliff with tiny marhsmallows carrying pitchforks crowding around him.

the apparent king of the marshmallow stands higher up on the cliff, looking angry. One of his soldiers approaches.

King: Has the wretched human fallen to his doom?

Soldier: Not yet, sir.

King: Why not?!

Soldier: He says he doesn't want to fall to his doom, your majesty.

King: Fool! I, your ruler, King of the Marshmallows have ORDERED that the miserable human perish either by falling or skewered and roasted over an open flame.

Soldier: We aren't big enough to skew--

King: I know! But why have you disobeyed me?

Soldier: Well, we really tried to follow your orders sir but he said he doesn't want to die.

King: I DON'T CARE WHAT HE WANTS!

Soldier:...seems kind of rude, sir.

King: (grumbling)

write another one

I saw some posts about how when all of this is over, or as it's happening and the lives of medical professionals are lost, that it's going to be painted as a patriotic sacrifice for an inevitable evil. But really that just covers up the fact that the government, the structure that exists to serve the people, failed to respond. But because people want to make meaning of death and it's a given that people would die due to inherent risks, we won't be as critical as we could/should be.

Then I tried thinking about how I would feel about that if I was in the medical field. People debating the value or meaning of my death. I don't know. I think I'd be upset. Scared. I would probably just try to ignore it and focus on doing my job. Strange times. Strange times we live in.

Brainstorm Some Ideas for Videos

I made a really silly youtube video today. It was fun. I liked doing one that was short and funny and encouraging. I think I would like to do some more videos like that but also maybe add a bit more instruction and structure.

But I know, for me, and maybe this isn't for everyone, but I take a lot of confidence and inspiration from people who are weird for the sake of being weird. I don't feel like I've benefited a lot from direct instruction or people telling me how to do things. What's always motivated me and informed my creative decisions is watching people do whatever they want. Or whatever they think is interesting and funny. And it has given me permission to do that or do they weird thing that I think is funny and interesting. So I made a video in that spirit today.

I guess if you're the kind of person who likes instruction and guidance it would seem really pointless, at best mildly entertaining, at worst, irresponsible. But I really do think silliness is important. I used to go to open mic nights at the little grill and the part I liked the most was seeing all these people go up on stage and be so strange and creative. I thought that was so cool and it made me want to get on stage.

I've always felt strongly that the way to teach or lead is to start with what motivates and inspires. Sparking some interest and following the energy. Direction and instruction is kind of secondary to that most of the time. I know not everyone is like that so I'm trying to strike somewhat of a balance.

Anyway tomorrow I think I'll work on the fort in the videos that I'm building and then Thursday is another art review.

At the beginning of the week- yesterday- I was lacking some motivation to make a video Monday through Thursday again but now I'm pretty excited about it again.

idea for a drawing

a tall tall flower rising out of grass. use a really tall narrow paper for it.

I'm thankful that I can stay at my parent's house for this time. it's really helped a lot and made a difficult situation more of an opportunity than a hardship. so that's really good and I definitely shouldn't let it go to waste. 

Run a Mile PR by June

I felt like I spent a lot of time on my phone yesterday. Compulsively checking and just generally feeling in a rut. I decided to sit and do nothing with my eyes closed for about 15 to 20 minutes. That was good.

A good goal for this time would be to break my 1600m PR of 4:29 from 2015. I think it's doable and really focusing on achieving that time would give me something to look forward to and focus on during the day. I'm also enjoying drawing and making videos for work. But I could take my running more seriously.

Sunday- sub 5 mile, controlled. 6x300 @ 48-50 pace. 3 minutes rest. 4x200. 33-34. walk 200m

Monday- easy volume

Tuesday- hills and easy volume

Wednesday- volume and strides

Thursday- 6x800 w/ 2 min rest. trying to go faster than last time

Friday- easy shake out

Saturday- some workout w/ Peyton

let's goooooooo!w

idea

I did this drawing with a bunch of characters and it made me think of a format where I would have a protagonist, location, conflict, antagonist, solution, treasure. something like that. a really bare bones structure to tell stories and draw.

Right Now I Can Decide How I Feel

I can be in charge of how I feel in this moment. Right now I want to be creative and I want to make something.

party lair

what is that? place where secret horses meet for tostitos dippers and chonk salse

mad dash

what is that? wouldn't you like to know-

tiny tennis

the court is the size of a postage stamp and you and your opponent are simply too big. what would the effect be if we forced ourselves to be in situations where we are made to feel too big? Like, everyone talks about how the sky and ocean and space can make us feel very small. And that's humbling and good. But what about the perspective that you are massive. So impossibly huge that your actions only cause seismic change and likely absolute destruction. I don't know. tiny tennis.

murtilism

murtilism brings up ZERO search results and so I'm going to define it now and it's the belief that you need to overanalyze and fret about the things you put into the world even though, by your own design, they are seen by next to no one.

yeah.