Gave Out Some Advice Today

I was talking with a 4th grade girl and she brought up that one of her friend's was mean to her during school. She was going into the details and describing things that had happened and then she stopped and said, "I don't really like talking about people behind their backs. I know that's not a good thing to do."

And another girl immediately goes, "But it feels so good!"

So I offered, "Well, you can talk about how you feel and how someone made you feel. If you keep the focus on yourself rather than what someone did or who you think they are."

It's not perfect advice and I'm not sure if it made complete sense to her but I thought it was alright. I think it's something I figured out as I was saying it. I don't know.

Running

Lately running has been going pretty well. I've started to feel fast again and be excited about going out the door. I was feeling really good a few weeks ago so I decided to sign up for a 10k that I ran today. It went pretty well. I got 10th place with a 32:50. I thought based on how I was feeling and who I was running around that I was going to get a faster time but it was still a good effort. Another thing that threw me off is the mile markers were clearly incorrect on the course. According to the mile marker, I ran the first mile in 4:46, which is absurd. I think I assumed I was still running really fast anyway and kinda settled and thought as long as I didn't blow up I would get come away with a fast time. In hindsight, what I needed to do was make a big move and put myself out there because I was really just kinda plodding along. Making excuses about the mile markers is unfair too. I need to learn to be honest with myself about what a race effort actually is. I think part of that is being gun shy about really running hard.

What it is is that I'm afraid to lay it all out there and then I get disappointed with myself for not doing that. But it's something I've done before. I know how to go into a race and say, "no matter what, I'm competing for the win today." And that tends to be how I get the best out of myself. I haven't done that in a long time. The closest thing I've done is tell myself in a workout a few weeks ago that I wasn't going to get dropped by the guy I was running with. And it ended up being a great workout. That's the mindset I need to bring to races. That's what I did in 2017 when I ran all those good races. I got out hard and worked for it.

Looking back on everything since December or so, everything that I thought was going to bring me back to running great races by now was actually just inching me forward. I thought I had things figured out and I thought I knew what I needed to get to a certain level and then that turned out to be not so true. I'm a bit disappointed in myself but also confident that I can get there. It's just going to take more time than I thought. And I think I realized that pretty early on--even after the Colonial Half in February. What's exciting, to try to end this on a positive note, is that in all of these races I have a moment where I see these people that I know I should be running with and I know that the next time these races come around, I'll know I've closed the gap and I'll be there next time. It's within reach.

A Man Was Sentenced to Jail Today for Committing Every Known Crime

I said, "even perjury?"

"Yeah, even that."

I asked the kids, "based on the way the word 'perjury' sounds, what do you think it means?"

And a girl thought about it for a second and said, "surgery on a cat."

purrgery. perjury.

that's pretty good.

What did those crazy kids do today?

I didn't talk about this earlier but on the same day I organized those feathers with that kid, um, like just out of frame of that shot was a girl with a broken leg sitting in a chair, waiting for her dad to show up.

She fell in the heads and thought she twisted her ankle so I had to carry her inside on my back because an ambulance seemed like a big fuss and also I didn't know her leg was hurt.

Anyway, I only mention that because that girl wasn't at school today and I'm pretty sure her younger sister faked a stomachache so she could get out of afterschool early and go see her sister who was at her grandparents.

Some kids are manipulative.  And I guess they grow up into manipulative adults too, some of them. And maybe some kids aren't as manipulative and they have some stuff happen and gain some social awareness only with some unresolved conflicts and become manipulative. And it's hard to trust people. Which is why I didn't call the ambulance for that girl and just carried her inside instead.

I didn't know what I was going to write before I started typing this.

looked at the clouds today

the clouds were really good today. it was like seeing clouds for the second or third time.

Happy Birthday Ma Ma

It's Ma Ma's birthday today. Beautiful April day. This is always a great week to have a birthday :)

april 18th

we ranked 60+ feathers from most fluffy to least fluffy.

near term goals

- be cool by being nice

- make a mural 

-run a good 10k

april 16th

yesterday the kids were arguing about what would happen if you murdered someone with a bendy straw and one kid said "all the blood would run out when you stabbed them in the neck" and another kid said, "no! it wouldn't all come out. humans are 100% blood."

humans are 100% blood.

April 15th

The sky and air were clear and vibrant today. The new leaves are new leaf green. It was a great morning to be outside and looking at things.

April 14th

I think I'm waiting and preparing for something. I think there's some moment or event that's coming that I need to be ready for. And every day that comes before it, I'm practicing. But I don't know what it is going to be.

Moment from Yesterday

In the earlier post I showed the picture of the Pop the Pig I'm tattooing. So now I have a group of kids wanting to draw on things. Yesterday this 5th grade girl starts walking around the table saying, "will someone let me give them a tattoo? Can I draw on someone? Who's gonna let me tattoo them?"

And I stop her and I say, "hold on. You can't just ask people to draw on them. You have to make some samples. Show people what they're going to get first. Draw some designs on paper for people to choose from. Or better yet, draw on yourself."

She laughs and goes, "No way. My parents would kill me."

And I say, "Okay, well find someone who won't get in trouble then."

And she announces to the table again, "Who wants me to draw on them?"

And her younger sister says, "You can draw on my hand!"

"You have the same parents!" I yell and walk away.

april 10th: still trying

to figure out how to manage the post work/ post dinner tiredness. especially when i have other things I want to do. 

I can't think of any notable phenomena from work today. we have this game called  Pop the Pig and it broke so I'm going to tattoo it. that's about it.

April 9th

My mom visited my new place today. I was like, "man, sure would be great if someone helped me rearranged this whole living room."

and she was like "no no no. i'm tired. my back hurts. we need to ask your roommates for permission first."

and then after like 20 minutes of sitting and looking around the room she set down her coffee mug and said "ok, let's start moving things."

and we rearranged the furniture and made it look great!

called out

yesterday was the first day back at afterschool and we started off outside time with a boy pulling on a low hanging tree branch that caused another branch to come down and hit a girl in the face.

maybe.

i say maybe because i didnt see it but I have seen this girl get hit lightly in the shoulder with a small stick on a previous occasion and began crying and saying she got hit in the eye. and I said, "no you didnt. i was standing right in front of you." and she immediately stopped.

anyway, she was crying. I dismissed the group. she stopped crying.

the girl found the boy and demanded an apology to which the boy refused.

she came back to me and recounted how she had been denied an apology. And I said, using therapeutic language, that apologizing to her was probably something that was challenging for that boy and if she wanted one that it would probably be something that I would need to support him with.

and another girl near me goes, "how is a teacher making you apologize to someone supporting them?"

which is a pretty good call out. And I just so happened to be wearing my t-shirt from the therapeutic school and I said "hey! I worked at a therapeutic boarding school" and I pointed at my shirt, " I know what support is."

I don't know. we're both right. and also everyone is wrong. because the original conflict was crazy meets crazy anyway. one person completely oblivious to social norms and the other person clearly just using them to manipulate and control. and here I am in the middle trying to keep up appearances of authority and order.

 this is the truest picture of a society.

april 7th

i have a theory that I've become so addicted to my phone that i can no longer get a full night's sleep because my brain will wake me up because it wants to check the phone. 

but i also remember waking up at 5 a lot as a kid. when phones were telephones. maybe it's something to do with needing to be up by a certain time. or maybe it's a dozen other things. 

I felt calm today. my Achilles is still sore but it's on the mend. i didn't feel very hungry. i made a lot of things and enjoyed the warm weather with my window open. i drew on my foot with sharpie. it looks pretty good. the sharpie drawing makes my foot feel good.

a mountain picture

floral pattern attempt

good day the 6th. happy birthday eric andre

slept in. made a lot of art. ran. drew a bunch. watched bee & puppycat on youtube. felt relaxed and good.

the only thing I would have changed is I did not have a in-person conversation with anyone today. the most I said was "hello" to a few strangers when I was running. but it was the kind of day where I didn't really feel like I needed that. it was nice out. I opened my window. my body felt good and well rested and content.

I really like the feeling of drawing while listening to music. Now that I have wifi again I feel like I have so many more tools to create with. There's something nice about making lines on paper as music as playing. it feels a little collaborative. but again, by some standards, I'm a hermit. so make of that what you will.

the 5th

woke up feeling really tired.

spent the day at the afterschool spring break program with about 20 kids I've never met before. They were pretty cool. Kids just like to have fun. I can dig it.

I was really tired after work and wasn't looking forward to running because it was getting dark and it rained all day but then I started and my legs and back were feeling a lot better. My back gave me no problems today which was good. I stayed hydrated as well. The only issue during my run was that I had some tummy trouble which always happens if I run later in the day. But that wasn't bad and I was able to take pit stops as I went.

Now going to sleep sounds like a nice thing to do.

For April

I thought for April I could just talk about how my body felt each day.

Today my lower back was really sore and tight. It was tight last night as well. I think it's a combination of doing a hard track workout on tuesday, moving lots of boxes (I moved last weekend!) and sitting on a wooden bench for a long time with bad posture.

Anyway that was a thing but I planned on trying a tempo run today and after I moved around a bit in the morning my back felt better so I went ahead with the workout. It was really successful!

My goal was to not let myself get totally tired out in a 7 mile run and be able to push hard at the end. Lately in races and hard workouts I just reach this point where it hurts and I can't push through it so I kind of give up. And I know in the past I've hit that pain and been able to keep pressing. It's probably just being out of practice. So today I practiced running hard and it was successful!

My legs and back were sore afterwards but nothing hurt so as long as I hydrate and take a few days easy I should be fine!

Another effect of moving and the warm weather is that I've felt more creative and energized. I feel less sluggish and tired. Having a break from work has helped with that too probably. This isn't a body feeling but I do feel happier in general. And part of that is feeling in control of myself and how I feel and what I present to other people.

but I should be asleep right now!