The other day these three boys were playing basketball on one side of the gym. In the middle of the game, two boys go over and start shooting around. The other side of the gym has an open basket that no one is shooting on. Conflict arises over space and the boys are asked repeatedly to leave. They don't so one of the boys in the gym shoves one of the interlopers.
Interloper comes to me and tells me he's been shoved. An extremely informal survey of my entire experience with children tells me that I'm supposed to take the shover aside and tell him that you're not ever allowed to put your hands on someone. Which is true. But after getting both sides of the story my question was, "why didn't you listen to what they were telling you, interloper, and go to the other basket? No one is over there."
"But he shoved me!"
Yeah, he shouldn't do that but in what universe is it okay to just ignore someone and be a nuisancr? I don't know. I kinda feel like it's doing a disservice to only focus on the provoked response.
For sure some kids are smart enough to know on some level that if the teacher only gets mad at the student who blows up, then all they have to do is ignore and agitate their peers to get their way. That doesn't make sense. You all have to listen to each other. You can't just get around that with teacher intervention.
And yeah, then you address the shoving.
I'm open to comments or criticism on this. I'm just trying to be aware of what I'm doing and conscious of what it means.
2 comments:
I think it's fair to learn both sides of the story and address the original cause of shoving. It's agitating when you're not listened to...the shoving isn't a good response, though. My opinion is that it is addressed separately, like with some extra talk-counseling to understand why the need to physically act on someone ignoring them became the only response.
But also I do not work with children. I've just been reading a lot of zines about emotional intelligence and the brain chemistry and previous life experiences lead to those sorts of things.
Yeah. Definitely. With this kid it's something that he needs to be told again and again and again. He has trouble sometimes managing himself in an elevated state.
If I was really good I would work in some front loading before potential times of conflict. I did follow up with him the other day and was like, I notice you've been having some tough times with so-and-so lately. And he was like, yeah, that guy has just been off lately.
And I said, okay, well I still expect you to manage yourself even if he's acting a fool. I used different words but that was basically it.
And he's still going to mess up again I'm sure but usually letting them know that I see and hear what's going on has an effect. At least in the short term.
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