Funnerson

I feel like I don't have fun anymore. Which, shouldn't be surprising to anyone who has had a job before. But I've never had a job. So it's a new feeling to me. It's especially odd because I work at a place where children are taken to have fun...more or less. It's not supposed to be an enriching environment. It's just a safe place where they have a lower chance of hurting themselves than if they were turned loose on the streets or left at home to drink all the chemicals under the kitchen sink. Here they can chuck foam balls at each other and...chuck foam balls at bowling pins. Chucking foam at stuff! It's great.

And I was in that program when I was a kid and it was a good time. But, it's not the same when you work there. You can't just insulate yourself or feel any sort of bonding or friendship. That's the fun part.

Instead, I feel like...well, first of all, I don't feel anymore like an adult. I just feel like this kid that's too old for the program and put in a place of responsibility for some reason. And, the only reason it works is because everyone in the building has agreed and accepted my place of responsibility. But, in reality, it's just bigger kids watching smaller kids. My co-workers aren't adults. What are we then?

Well, I feel like I've become this huge, human-shaped sponge. And I just kind of have to soak in all the stuff the kids don't want to deal with. Most of my job is being this outlet or repository for the injustices these tiny children perceive in the world (which is usually limited to the gymnasium in the community center). So like, if at any point the kids are having fun, none of that is transferred to me. But if a kid gets hit in the face with a ball, or someone calls someone a name, or those kids that fall down for no reason fall down. That is channeled directly to me with the expectation that I will fix it somehow. And the funny thing is that I don't actually have to do anything. That's the thing I can't quite get my head around. These kids come to me with ridiculous problems that don't really affect them in any meaningful way and they tell me about it and look up at me with expectant eyes and...instead of addressing the problem at all...I just say, "Okay. (fill in remaining response with complete nonsense)." Seriously, I can say anything. A kid will be like, "He is singing a song too loudly." And I can say, "I'll make him do a million push-ups or he'll be eaten by Bengal tigers!" And...the problem will stop.

It doesn't actually matter. But, if my response doesn't matter, why do they keep coming to me?!

Anyway, I guess I could start making it fun. But, for now, I have moments where I don't hear the screaming of children. Also, I get to play bumper pool during free time. Or times I get to sit down.

OH and lunch!

That's like...my fun. And I understand that I'm not there to have fun. It's not about me. But this blog is about me. So I can complain here at least. But yeah, that's my current understanding of my job. Honestly, it's still a good job and I know I haven't gotten used to it yet.

Also I did a track workout today. That was fun.

25 minute warm-up
4 minutes rest
1600 meters- 4:55
5 minutes rest
8x400 meters- 70 seconds each with a very easy 200 meter jog in between (probably around 70 seconds for the jog).
28 minute cool down.

All in all though, it feels good.