update on the dream

 I tell you what them dreams is slippery

But I did remember a dream I had the night I said I was going to remember a dream and learn something from it and the key nugget of the dream that I remember is that I looked down at my fingernail and I had a fungal infection on it. And I was like dang. Because I did have a fungal infection on my thumbnail in college but I went to the health center and they gave me something that made it go away. 

What did I learn from this dream? I am anxious about the health of my nails. Which isn't really new information. It's some of the oldest information I have. 

I'm aware this doesn't bolster my point. How about some art I've made recently instead!

sorry it's out of focus I don't know how to make it focus

I've been having a lot of dreams lately

 almost every night

I couldn't tell you a single thing about them but I know I'm having them.

They aren't stress dreams--they're just like normal dream-having dreams.

I think--I think, easily, that if you really knew your dreams and knew what was going on with all of that--you'd basically have super powers. You'd know like ten to one hundred times more about the world and your self. Gotta be. That can't just be nothing. 

There's a line from a Weezer song that I think about whenever I think about dreams. It's not a particularly good song but it goes:

And I will learn by studying the lessons in my dreams

So turn off the TV, 'cause that's what others see

And movies are as bad as eating chocolate ice cream

It's the song Troublemaker off their Red Album. 

My goal for tonight is to remember a part of my dream and learn something from it. Stay tuned.

everything comes together in the end in the middle and was always together since the beginning as well

 2013! I'm living in Williamsburg Virginia and driving home from the grocery store listening to the college radio station and this weird song is on with this guy kind of talk singing about an ice cream man and it sounds sort of off but in a fun and catchy way. Get home and look up the name of the guy and listen to the song a couple times and proceed to forget about it entirely!

TWELVE YEARS LATER

2025 I'm in the climbing gym on Monday and a weird bouncy song is playing and it's some guys going 'dum de dum de dum doo la day ooooo New England" kind of thing over and over again. It's the kind of song that's hard to find again because the only words are 'new england' and the rest is just kind of noises. It's a fun song and I don't really bother to look it up.

Wednesday of the same week AKA today! Seemingly unrelated I remember the weird ice cream man song from twelve years ago and look up 'ice cream man lyrics college radio'. I don't know why I added college radio I just thought it might help and it kind of did because I found the song and the guy and his name is Jonathan Richman AND!!! AND!! HE'S ALSO THE GUY WHO DID THE NEW ENGLAND SONG!

I haven't thought of this guy in over a decade and then I hear a song that I don't know is by him and then two days later I look him up again. 

Something I love about music is that you retain and are aware of so much more than you're consciously paying attention to. 

It's that stew of consciousness. What's in there swirling around and bubbling up? You gotta investigate the stew. You gotta let it simmer.

I mean, just look at this guy: he's a sweet boy Singing his little song with his floppy hair and his striped shirt.

things I will never do

 here's a fun exercise. sit down and make a list of things you will confidently never do. where do you draw the line? it doesn't have to be super high stakes. like you don't have to put I will never murder someone. And just because you don't put something doesn't mean you're going to do that or actively want to. like if I don't put, 'never siphon gasoline out of someone else's car with a rubber hose and my mouth' that doesn't mean I secretly really want to. It's more about trying to think of some things that you think you will never do on principle. Not because they would necessarily ruin your life if you did them.

I will never own a self-driving car. 

I'm pretty sure I'll never knowingly eat meat again. At this point I've gone about a third of my life without eating meat so I think I'll keep that going. 

You know what. Turns out, this is not that fun. 

Here's what I think is fun. Instagram has a thing now where it shows you nothing but reels that have been like by people who you mutually follow and that is fun. That is fun in a way that like a Jane Austen novel is fun because it's at like the near absolute limit of any sort of communication happening. It's like I happened to notice a thing that I know you noticed and you might know if I noticed it but you don't know for sure and it's like the tiniest breadcrumb and I think something in the brain likes that.  Just a trace. Just a tiny bit.

And what I really mean is that today I saw that my sister and her husband both liked a video that just said 'Will you be my gleepenstine?" and it was in space and had a picture of an alien cat and I sent it to them and said, 'you both are gross'

But the fun was in finding it.

I do love my truck

 

I do I do I do

this is how I know I am good person

I move to new area and get job working with children. My boss is awful man who is bad at his job. His bosses get mad at him for being bad at his job. He, in turn, treats me like garbage and tries to get me fired.

I am forced to leave and accept new job at school for chronically miserable boys. One day, miserable boy says to me, "I hate most everyone I meet but I do not hate you."

This is feather in my cap that I wear for rest of my days. 8 years later I still have drawing he did on my refrigerator of a demonic king sitting on a throne while a lowly underling writhes beneath him.

big cat AAAAHHHHHHHHH