FOUND IN THE WOODS

Funny Moment

When we go out to the playground at the school we stop at the crest of this hill that overlooks the playground and fields and stuff.

The other day we're walking to the edge of the hill and we see some little kids, 1st graders and kindergartners swinging on the swings and playing on the monkey bars and having a perfectly innocent frolicky time.

And the 4th grader I'm walking with goes, "what are those kids doing here?? Taking the L?!"

Yes. Everyone takes the L when afterschool arrives. No matter what you are doing. When we approach, you immediately take the L by proximity.

Work Training

I had a professional development today and we were learning about the classroom approach philosophy thing that the county uses with students.

The woman who led the training was really good and she kept repeating one of the phrases she uses in her classroom, "everyone works together, everyone plays together."

So during one of the breaks I went up to her and told her about these situations where a kid is rejected from the group because they ignore and disregard the needs of the group.

She had an interesting response which was "well, I wouldn't ever let a situation get to that point." Meaning she would give reminders about expectations and review how we treat each other and also monitor interactions throughout the day and catch things early. Which is a solid answer. You really can't fault anything in it. If a teacher is in a position to do something they should.

I guess if I had to disagree with anything it's that this is a teacher-centered approach. Where the culture begins and ends with the teacher. And maybe I'm starting to go more towards a student-centered approach where I will offer support and I'll clarify and step in if I have to but sometimes you just have to learn from your peers.

I'm not going to let anyone fail but I also think you need to make true mistakes to really learn. If robocop teacher is always on top of everything, then you run the risk of never really gaining that valuable social fear and dread. And where would that get you?

Hot Take

This is kinda related to my Listen to Your Peers post but some other things happened the past couple of days that made me notice a general trend in myself.

The other day these three boys were playing basketball on one side of the gym. In the middle of the game, two boys go over and start shooting around. The other side of the gym has an open basket that no one is shooting on. Conflict arises over space and the boys are asked repeatedly to leave. They don't so one of the boys in the gym shoves one of the interlopers.

Interloper comes to me and tells me he's been shoved. An extremely informal survey of my entire experience with children tells me that I'm supposed to take the shover aside and tell him that you're not ever allowed to put your hands on someone. Which is true. But after getting both sides of the story my question was, "why didn't you listen to what they were telling you, interloper, and go to the other basket? No one is over there."

"But he shoved me!"

Yeah, he shouldn't do that but in what universe is it okay to just ignore someone and be a nuisancr? I don't know. I kinda feel like it's doing a disservice to only focus on the provoked response.

For sure some kids are smart enough to know on some level that if the teacher only gets mad at the student who blows up, then all they have to do is ignore and agitate their peers to get their way. That doesn't make sense. You all have to listen to each other. You can't just get around that with teacher intervention.

And yeah, then you address the shoving.

I'm open to comments or criticism on this. I'm just trying to be aware of what I'm doing and conscious of what it means.

Mini Society

Some cool developments in the woods today.

The 5th graders developed some pretty awesome tools that allowed them to set rocks into the ground like a walkway. 

That was really cool. But then an even cooler thing happened when a 3rd grader came over and asked if he could help. The 5th graders seemed wary and I said, 

"Oh, you should totally hire him. He did some great work carving out stairs over on the other side of the woods."

And the lead boy was like "oh yeah? Let's check it out."

So three of them run over to the stairs and inspect his handiwork and give him the job. He was allowed access into the main fort and commissioned to make a fire pit.

I just think that's so cool. Like something out of medieval apprenticeships. This 3rd grader did an example piece and then traveled around as a journeyman to earn commissions. So cool!

I was trying to explain to a nearby 3rd grade girl "This is what society used to be! We're doing it! It's happening!"

Listen to Your Peers

There was an emotionally charged moment at the end of the day today. This group of kids that had been playing together with a whole bunch of mats had a schism and the older kids in the group broke off because they felt like the younger kids had taken over.

So in a somewhat sneaky and underhanded play, the older kids started taking the mats and things and setting up their own area nearby.  Naturally then they were really defensive when the younger kids approached because they were curious and also confused why the mats were suddenly being taken. To which I would say, if you're going to be confusing, don't be upset at the confused.

Anyway, a girl from the 'out' group wandered over and took a seat in the new mat area. She was then sternly told to stop by a girl in the 'in' group. She took this somewhat harsh rejection really hard. She started crying and came to me.

But, as always, we need to look back at previous goings ons to see why the tension was lingering. Flashback to the cafeteria about an hour later and a group of mostly the same kids were gathered around playing a kind of DnD-lite game with a PowerPoint presentation. Anyway, this same girl, upset girl, had tried to be a part of the group without playing the game.

So when I walked over as I was making my rounds, upset girl said, "Andy, they're telling me to leave because they say I'm being too loud and not listening."

Uh, yeah. You should leave if you're being too loud and not listening. 

But what I said was, "ok, you should listen to what they're telling you to do if you want to be a part of this group."

To be certain, there are some groups of kids who will be mean to a well-intentioned person simply because they want to be mean and exclude someone. That exists. That's basic child cruelty. But this was not that group. If this group of kids is giving feedback, it's because you're being annoying.

Anyway, upset girl tends to deflect these things by saying "well, i'm not really playing" or "I'm just weird" as if these aren't the conditions or she isn't the kind of person to accept feedback from the group. 

So that seed of distrust had been sown. Flashforward again to the mats and the girl in the 'in' group was not about to go through this again and unequivocally told the other girl to keep her distance.

Upset girl comes to me demanding justice and I kinda threw her in the deep end and said, "this is something you're here to figure out how to manage. you need to listen to what they're telling you."

"But this is what adults are for! This is your job."

I could've done a better job explaining myself. She was clearly thrown off that I wasn't rushing to her aid or even sympathizing with her because she felt bad. In the moment it seemed like it was the time for her to go through a tough social experience.

She cried for a bit. I checked in on her at one point and she seemed most upset by the fact that she felt the girl had been mean to her in telling her to get off.

I tried to walk the line of, yes it doesn't feel good when someone says that to you, but much more importantly you really need to see why they felt the need to do that.

Her day ended with asking me to go to the cafeteria to wait for her dad. In that moment, I think I could've been more nurturing. I could've got down on her level and been more sympathetic to how she was feeling and said that I wanted to see her make friends and do well at afterschool because she's a funny and kind person.

But in reality I was some dude standing in the middle of the gym saying the equivalent of "tough break, kid. this the real world."

It wasn't that bad. But I was pretty blunt in saying that she needed to start hearing what people were telling her and that some of this "being weird" stuff we talk about isn't always helpful.

It's pretty rare nowadays in the program for kids to get really escalated like she was and not be able to calm themselves down. So I guess I was pretty rusty on that front.

I'm not worried. Like just about anyone who is a person has gone through this. And I'm confident this girl will grow from this. I think I will check in with her the next time I see her and say some of those things I could've said. She did have the rug pulled out from under her and I can see how that was upsetting. 

By comparison though, at the old school I worked at, this situation happened every single day. This was the baseline. Those guys are annoyed because you're being annoying. So maybe that's also why I was pretty unreactive to the situation.

There was this look of dismay on the girl's face though when she realized I wasn't taking her side. Like if you were being mugged and beaten in the street and a police officer walked by and you called for help and they just shrugged and said "sorry, kid. It's March 19th. You shoulda known better than to walk around on Mugging & Beating Day."

Any Moments from the Day?

We set up a bracket competition.

I gave a girl a really hard time about getting snack because she's lied about it in the past. And she was getting frustrated that I wouldn't believe her and I tried to explain that the reason all of this was happening was because she chose to be dishonest in the past and now it was harder to trust her.

So maybe that was a teachable moment.

The kids dug up some white shale and one kid hit it with a piece of quartz and it split and made a lot of powder.

And one kid was like "look at all of this white powder. This pure white powder. I know what this is. This is...PIXIE DUST."

Bless them innocents.

Grocery Shout Outs

Shout out to O-LIVE! olive oil for being on sale. 9.99 down to 6.99? What a hero. Fantastic. Keep up the great work.

Bananas. You're all dying. But you're always winners. Cheap, plentiful and full of energy. If it wasn't for you,  oatmeal would be nothing.

Oatmeal, I know what I just said but don't get down on yourself. You are a key part of the wake up ritual. You've fueled runs and mornings for as long as I've been buying groceries. Such a heavy lifter and impossibly dependable. 

Raisins and Peanuts. I'm trying not to eat candy anymore. And to be honest, i'm not doing a great job. But you guys are great substitutes. I'm not a big snacker but having you both around will help me make good choices between meals.

Lastly, I wanna give a shout out to eggs. I don't always buy eggs and it takes me a long time to go through them. Honestly, eggs, you aren't that great. I couldn't point to anything that you should improve but you just don't seem like the best version of you. Figure that out and get back to me. I believe in you to a degree.

Mustache Business

We're getting ready to start the day yesterday and all the kids are sitting in the cafeteria. I'm on my way to the front of the group when one of my third grade girls runs up to me, tears in her eyes, a look of utter dismay on her face.

She says "my sister said I'm not allowed in the fort anymore because they say I broke someone's stick and I DIDN'T even do it!"

The 5th graders have a small stick fort in the woods and on Tuesday this girl had been allowed in due to her sister being in 5th grade.

I try to comfort her "well, okay, I know what you're talking about. That happened a while ago and we can just talk about it with everybody because not everyone has been here on the same day."

I'm really at a loss for what to say. The girl looks like her world has been shattered. Her sister approaches and does her best impression of a condescending adult to try to make her accept what has happened. It doesn't help. I chase the sister away.

I say "everything is fine. You're not in trouble. We'll figure this out."

And then, sliding into the scene like a character from a monty python sketch is another third grade girl who I call Zinky. Zinky has no idea what's going on but is sporting a bright green mustache, eyes half-closed, and says in her best high-society voice "hmmmmmm, mustache business." And strokes the ends of her mustache.

You're a treasure, Zinky.

Posturing

Scene: we're lining up to go inside and eat snack. I'm walking up to the door when a boy takes a big step forward towards two other boys. The stepping boy will be referred to as Poop Hands because right before I called to line up, this boy accidentally got some poop on his hands. Poop Hands is aggressively posturing at two boys in line who step back, fearing his poop-ridden hands. I approach the scene.

Me: hey, can we just stand in line the way we're supposed to?

Poop Hands: I'm not doing anything.

Me: actually, that's called posturing. You're getting in their space and making them back up.

Poop Hands: no! I'm just walking.

Poop Hands continues to walk towards the boys, posturing, right in front of me.

Me: You're still doing it. The way you're walking towards them is making them back up. That's posturing.

Poop Hands: no! I'm not. I'm just walking.

Me: That is not what is happening, Poop Hands.

Poop Hands: I'm just walking to the back of line.

Poop Hands begins to walk to the back of the line.

Me: you're walking to the back of the line?

Poop Hands: yes, i'm walking to the back of the line.

Me: you're going to the back of line?

Poop Hands: yes.

Me: go walk to the back of line.

Poop Hands: I am.

Me: where are you? The back of the line?

Poop Hands: Yes! I'm at the back of the line. 

Me: what's your name?

Poop Hands is silent.

The line heads inside and Poop Hands silently goes to the bathroom to wash his hands. He's clearly upset at me but inside I give him a popsicle and praise him in front of the group for his effort and skill in sports. Tensions ease.

(I didn't actually call him Poop Hands)

Word of the Bird 21

there's one joke in here that I really like

Summer Hair

The kids response was mostly negative 

Stay In It

Yesterday some boys were throwing a football around and I called for them to come inside because we needed to stack the chairs.

One boy was looking at me and as he's doing that another boy throws the football and hits him in the back. It could've been an accident, it could've been on purpose. But there was enough tension in the air already that the boy who got hit loses his cool and starts screaming at the other boy "FREAKING IDIOT!"

And then everyone just starts running to me and going inside to get away from the situation. So I talk to all the boys involved and it comes out that there had been these little things happening over the course of 20 minutes and getting hit in the back was what pushed it over the edge.

When I talked to the boy who got hit, I said something like "I feel like what I'm supposed to tell you is to come to me when things are bothering you. But I know you can't always do that and that a lot of times you just have to deal with stuff. And it sounds like those guys were kinda acting like jerks but you felt like you could handle it."

And the kid said, "yeah."

And I was like "okay. Well, I think you know where the line is when you need to come to me before things get out of control."

"Yeah"

And then we just left it at that. We were in the gym at the end of the day and at first this boy was sitting off to the side just watching the other two boys play. Then over the course of like 10, 15 minutes he made these very cautious steps closer to them and their basketball game. I don't think he joined but he definitely moved from disengaged to like...peripherally engaged.

Maybe it wasn't that interesting. The thing that was kinda new for me was that instead of giving advice or saying what he should have done I said, it looks like you were trying and I think that's the right thing to do. Keep trying.

I don't know. If I want anything for my students it's for them to be socially capable than if they weren't there. Doing lacrosse practice or being latchkey kids or whatever...

Eyes

I know I'm killing my eyes. Spending all this time looking at tiny screens. It can't be good. It must be established fact by now. I guess I could chalk it up to the vice of my age. Like putting lead makeup on my face.

Or I could look into exercises and routines to mitigate the effects. Or I could go cold turkey. 

But it's probably somewhat naive to assume that screens like this will even be around in 10-15 years. They'll likely be replaced by some new augmented reality technology that will be easy on the eyes and terrible in numerous other ways.

Gosh, this technology thing. It's really got us now, huh?

^Hot take by Andy 

Culture

Over the weekend, some nefarious and bumbling grown ups went down into the woods that my kids have been colonizing and tore down their stick forts and made some clearings and pathways.

Apparently the space will be used for an outdoor classroom or something. 

It's a shame because obviously afterschool has no claim to the space but I know that we did a lot to inadvertently make the space usable for the school. It was a lot closer to true woods before we started stomping around there and clearing out brush and dead trees and vines.

The centerpiece of the whole space, cherished by unspoken agreement, was the firepit. Built by the careful arrangement of rocks and sticks. It was utterly destroyed. 

So I knew that some sort of culture had taken hold when almost all of the kids joined in a circle around a stick stuck in the ground to mark the location of the firepit. We "cried" and said our respects and sang "lean on me" and put offerings down.

overall the kids were super salty and one particularly egregious rabble-rouser tried to start a "war" chant.

Word of the Bird #20

Politics Sunday

Welcome to the new segment of this blog called Politics Sunday. When Andy digests all of the NPR he's listened to and throws up some thoughts and questions.

So, this week I didn't listen to the news much at all and instead listened to the No Country for Old Men audiobook.

Questions:

Is humanity qualitatively worse now and getting even worser?

Is this country for old men?

----------------------------------------------

Discussion:

I called my sister today and we were talking about books that middle schoolers read. And House of the Scorpion came up which I remember as a particularly "dark" book with "edgy" themes and settings.

Then I thought about how much more upsetting that book would be to me now, understanding more of the context and actual impact of the things the books talked about.

Sometimes we say kids can handle things because they don't have big reactions but really the stuff is just going over their head. Looking back now I think I just didn't have a fully formed concept of right or wrong. It's a weird thing to talk about and I think it boils down to the fact that I didn't "really" know. Like I didn't realize how things that happen casually all the time in movies and media and whatever can be hugely impactful when it happens to you. Is that a really obvious thing to say? Am I way too old to be reaching this conclusion?

What am I saying? I guess I'm saying that if something is "mature" then it SHOULD upset you but you should have the tools to cope with that and process it. Which can outwardly look similar to not even really understanding the significance at all. This is me becoming a more conservative, old person right before your eyes.

Someone in a book: [does a lie]

14 year old me: lol whatever

27 year old me: DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW LIES CAN DESTROY RELATIONSHIPS AND RUIN YOUR LIFE?

Surprisingly Little

Yesterday a little first grade boy didn't want to leave the gym. 

I said "alright you have to go now. "

And he looked at me and yelled "NOOOOOO!"

And I said in a conversational tone "ok, well, that's not gonna change anything."

And then he ran into his fort made of gym mats and I followed him over and said "Come on out. It's time to leave."

And then he left.

Things I can do

-a really good impression of my dad. Especially when leaving a voicemail

-I can convert seconds to decimals in my head faster than most people probably can i don't know I've never tested it

-eat a lot of vegetables and grains in one sitting. like a lot.

-write nice letters to people

-cut my own hair/convince others to cut my hair for free

-run 20 miles in sandals

organize spaces

sometimes I can wake up and have my voice be really deep and gravelly but not on purpose and not for very long

Taylor Reveley Compliments His Pharmacist

Charles, oftentimes we are asked to look back on our lives and reflect on moments of individual achievement. When someone says, "who are you? what are you doing back here?" we are expected to answer "I got a hole in one on the last hole, I win a free ice cream" as if who we are and what defines us is a singular effort.

But if we give ourselves a closer inspection and retrospection, we see that we are never truly alone. We are always tied to the people around us. And any success is enabled by the kindness and cooperation of others. So, Charles, thank you for getting me these cough drops. As I leisurely roll them across my tongue and listen to the hollow clack of the lozenge moving about my mouth, gently unspooling its menthol coating to reveal the sweetness of a candy morsel, my thoughts will be with you, Charles. 

You have made me the happiest man ever.

Taylor Reveley Tries to Tell The Difference Between Salted and Unsalted Butter

The recipe for this old fashioned quesadilla clam bake calls for a stick of salted butter. Let me go then to my luxurious refrigerator located precisely in the geometric center of my kitchen- like a proud obelisk dedicated to keeping delictable nourishment colder than a normal temperature. 

As usual, my refrigerator is full to bursting with unwrapped sticks of butter of various hues and salinities. I will select two at random and attempt to discern if either has been infused with that ever-precious and desirable sodium chloride.

This first stick tastes rich and delicious. It was a happy cow from which this butter draws its lineage. But is it salty? I suspect that it may be. Although, it is well documented that human beings such as myself naturally produce salt through bodily excretions such as sweat. It is possible that I am merely tasting the salt of my fingertips which have touched this buttery slab.

This is a hazardous venture. The very fate of the old fashioned quesadilla clam bake rests on the discernment between butter with intentional salt additives and butter merely corrupted by the ambient salt of everything. I will retire to the veranda and thoughtfully ponder this dilemma with my fist tucked under my chin, just so.

Taylor Reveley Buys A FlySwatter

Oh good heavens. It appears that all my rotted carrion that I convenientely stow in a bunker on my compound by the beautiful rushing waters of the mighty James River has attracted a host of malignant and tenacious flies. This does not bode well.

Perhaps I will ride into town and purchase a flyswatter or two to vanquish this blight once and forever.

Ah, a local hardware store. The proprietor of this establishment will no doubt be able to procure me a tool of rigtheous judgment against the flies.

"Yes, hello there. How are you?"

Now you write a section @MaddieDippold!

Duck Painting

Put this on craigslist for free. The stranger the better.