in an ancient land

 In an ancient land, long ago, far away, but maybe also--right here, when men barked like dogs because dogs hadn't been invented yet to do man's barking for him. There was a great commotion all about the large house that everyone lived in together. Everyone was barking like mad. For on this day a baby had been born who would hold the key to everything. The key to mankind's destiny. The one who would give shape to the stars and plot and chart the circumference of nearly everything. The birth heard round the house.

This baby was an incredible powerful and strong child. If the people had possessed speech they would've first dubbed him 'The Strangler'. An ignominious epithet to be sure but one that could not be more fitting. The baby loved to crush anything crushable in his magnificent grip. Eventually though, the grasping would give way to seizing. Because this wee lad was on his way to seizing more than had ever been soze. 

What other ominous signs were present on the day of his birth? Well, the moon was full. But it was cloudy so you couldn't really tell. And the owls screeched, 'Holy mother of maple leafs! This next one coming up is a real doozy of a whelp.' But the people of the land could not heed the owls cries. For the owls had decided it was much too fun messing with them. And that if they ever got hold of speech, they would use it for nought but ill. And it would not satisfy the humans to merely speak of catching small rodents and vomiting pellets. No, the humans would surely invent awful institutions that made living nearly intolerable and would completely lose the plot. Better for their own sake to leave them to barks and growls and the sweet sonic stylings of the didgeridoo.

But deep within the consciousness of the newly born babe, there was a seed that already knew of the talk of the owls. And it knew of the other tricks and and secrets of the animals. And the seed said, "It will all be mine. I just gotta have it. Gimme me gimme me gimme me you rats one and all."

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That was a scrap of something. I want to create more stuff this year.