Mindset

I think part of my identity and thinking about the narrative of my life for the past two years or so has been that I'm waiting for things to happen. I've probably already talked about this several times on here but I've been thinking about it again so here you go. 

Around 2018 I started to think that it was only a (short) amount of time until I accomplished some goals that I had like becoming a supervisor at afterschool or becoming a director at a camp or other things like being in a long-term relationship. I was thinking that I was ready for those things to happen and I was doing the right things for them to happen and I just needed to be patient and wait for the opportunity which I thought would be just around the corner. 

I still think that's mostly true but it also led to a lot of feeling a bit down about myself. I wasn't giving value to what I was capable of doing in that moment. I was focusing on things that I felt like should happen soon and then when they weren't happening I'd spend too much time in my own head. 

Lately I've felt more satisfied with myself and what I'm trying to accomplish. A big part of that was going home to Harrisonburg and not really working and focusing on myself. Also dating a little and deciding that that's not something that I really want to invest too much energy in right now. I'm doing some of the best training that I've ever done--coming up on a year of consistent running. I'm leading an adventure day camp that takes up a ton of time and energy where I get to go out in the area and explore with cool co-counselors and cool kids. And I sleep really well at night and I'm getting paid. This week I was thinking a lot about how cool it is that this is what I get to do with my day. As a job. 

It's a matter of conviction. Saying, "this is what I do to be the best that I can be." Instead of, "this what I do while I'm waiting for my real life to start." It's happening already. Right now. This is it.