Realization I Had

A guy reached out to me in Harrisonburg about running a fast mile this weekend and I had kind of anticipated doing one but then I hadn't heard anything for a while until now. So I guess I'm doing that.

But what I realized is that I'm kind of scared. I'm scared I won't do well. And I woke up this morning and before I even knew this was going to happen I decided that I was going to take today off. Just because I've been doing a ton and felt absolutely exhausted and I haven't been sleeping all that well. 

The realization wasn't really that I'm scared. The realization was that it's easier for me to run every day and work kind of hard than to rest up and really put myself in a situation to try to be my best. I'm training a lot in my comfort zone and appearing to do a lot and try really hard but I'm hesitant to put myself in a position where I really lay it out there. And I think if I take today off, I'm really taking that extra step to committing to this race because then I'll know I was fresh for it. And that's scary. 

But I remember that one reason I started running, I distinctly remember saying this aloud as I was walking up to the track one day in high school, I said, "I want to keep doing this to see how good I can get."

That's the whole point. And naturally you plateau and the improvement slows down and it becomes necessary to train more between races but I think I've also fallen into a complacency and am hiding behind training as much as I am using it to improve. 

So, I think I've done all the work I need to do to run really well. And logic tells me that I can crush this race. I'm gonna put myself in a position to do that. I'm gonna go for it. And if I break 4:30 that would be incredible. And if I don't, it would still be a great time for early in the summer and the fastest I've run since 2016 or so. So yeah. I'm ready. I'm not gonna hide.