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Sunday, May 6, 2018

Early morning Saturday

I woke up at like 3 or 4 in the morning on Saturday and right before I woke up I'd been having this extended dream where I was going down staircases, like metal, industrial stairs with my friend Michael. And we are standing on a landing at the top of some stairs and Michael jumps and does a front flip and clears all the stairs but then over rotates and lands on his head at the bottom of the next set of stairs that are going up.

Side note: as I'm writing this I'm remembering that I remember A LOT of dreams about stairs. I'm sure that's some dream archetype, I'm too lazy to look up what it tends to mean.

Anyway, Michael hits his head on metal stairs and for a while I just stand and stare and my only thought is 'he's dead. Oh my god. He's dead."

And then I go over and he's not dead. And he's able to talk and actually stand up and our plan is to get him to the hospital or something. We have to get out of the building we're in. So we start walking with him leaning on my shoulder for balance. And we're walking around and I'm starting to feel better but I'm also freaking out because this is a really serious injury and then we get outside and it's dark and we're walking really slow.

Then I woke up and my pillow was like exactly positioned where Michael's head was in the dream and my arm was around it and falling asleep. And then I had this weird dread and fear where all my thoughts were circling around times I've been injured, like when I fell out of a bunk bed and landed on my head, I think?, or times I was almost injured and I kept replaying these moments and couldn't fully convince myself that I wasn't dead or really injured. It was a scary feeling and I couldn't get back to sleep.

Anyway, so still without really thinking I got my phone and I searched for andy ristaino's YouTube channel. He's an artist for Adventure Time and his videos are him drawing and painting while he calmly narrates his thoughts and meanders from topic to topic. I've never searched for these videos before since the time I stumbled upon a few like several months ago.

I picked one that was 10 minutes long and as soon as his voice started I was asleep again within like 30 seconds. And I think I chose new videos at least 3 or 4 times because I'd wake up when they ended.

But it was mostly interesting to watch my brain scare itself, and then on semi auto pilot find something to soothe itself. I felt like I wasn't fully in control for most of it and was spectating a good portion of it.

I'm fine now and I'm assuming Michael is too.