was proud of my climbing league write up today

 WEEK THREE (but it’s your dad talking while you have to help him in the garage)

The thing about Climbing League, kids, is this: they’re gonna try to tell you after Week Two that it’s all wrapped up with a pretty bow and said and done and nothing to see here and better start heading to your cars early to beat the traffic. That’s a trick, okay? Now they’re not lying to you about the numbers. The numbers are what the numbers are. But what they’re doing is engaging in psy-cho-logistical warfare, ya follow? Sigmund Freud and his best good friend Sun Tzu and all that. They’re trying to differentiate the ones who signed up because they thought, shoot maybe I’ll do well at this and the ones who bark at cars just because they can. Heck, they might not even know what a car is. But that doesn’t stop them from barking. Are you smelling the fumes being released from the decaying leaves at the bottom of this river bed that I’m stepping in? Can you grasp the odor? It smells like poopy, don’t it? Well it ain’t doo-doo water. It’s bio-degradation-able material of the carboniferous sort. Makes the ever-loving world go round.

We should get Team Papa's Climberia: Set Fire to the Seventh Plate - The Sequel: ENDGAME Extended Addition’s hearing checked because I think they might be physically incapable of hearing the bell. Team Papa's Climberia: Set Fire to the Seventh Plate - The Sequel: ENDGAME Extended Addition clawed their way into 3rd place and are within spitting distance of The MidLife Cruxes. And that’s the thing about Team Papa's Climberia: Set Fire to the Seventh Plate - The Sequel: ENDGAME Extended Addition. When the going gets tough they just add more phrases onto the end of their team name. The ground we trod upon is just millions upon millions of years of compacted material. And eventually you smoosh it down so much it spurts back up again and this band called Bastille writes a song about it.

3rd place- Team Papa's Climberia: Set Fire to the Seventh Plate - The Sequel: ENDGAME Extended Addition

5th place- The Space Dolphins

7th place- Pyros & Crimps

9th place- Seam Rippers

And I’ll say this about the Seam Rippers, they bit down on 9th place and they are not letting go. If the Rock Lobsters, the Beta Testers, Guajiro’s National Liberation Front, Melissa and the Danimals, Team Fall Risks, OR the Super Villains can supplant them from their tower, I’ll give away a hat I found on a post 6 years ago. And if the Seam Rippers can bump Team Fossil Fuel down to 9th place I’ll give them the self-same hat I mentioned AND a cup I crudely made out of bamboo in June of 2022. Now get over here and hold the light for me while I check the brake calipers.