midsummer reflection

physically: Overall I feel great. Not worrying about hitting a mileage goal has proven really beneficial and healthy. I said 4 years ago that if I stopped running I would be a better counselor and that's kinda come true. I still get really tired and have to nap some days but that's just being outside in 90+ degree heat all day. Camp gives me energy.

emotionally: Also pretty good. Summer is the time I get to be the most social and it's the context where I feel most comfortable being social so I'm doing great. I definitely still get stressed at times but I think I'm managing it well and not letting it linger. The other day I did some drawing when I was feeling a little beat down and stressed and I had the realization that, as far as this summer is concerned, we've already won. We did Poplar and it was great. We won the big game. This is all icing on the cake. 

I also got confirmation this week that Poplar was a hit and we'll do it again and that was really big. I knew it was great and that I worked really hard but to see that recognized was affirming. 

I've done a good job this summer of managing stressful situations while staying calm and not raising my voice except when safety is an immediate concern. I've leaned heavily into using my 'therapy voice' in a semi-joking way and I've noticed a lot of success with that. I also have two new co-workers at camp who both work in schools during the year and I think being around them more has helped me be more mindful and patient. 

mentally: I guess mentally is the same as emotionally in a lot of ways but I'll say that I've been making a lot of videos this summer and I feel really good about that. I'm happy with how productive I've been.

Life's not perfect but it's pretty darn close.

Looking ahead: 

I want to continue to use the influence I have to move camp towards a more welcoming, expressive, supportive place. A great camp, to me, is something like the Cambrian Explosion. 

The Cambrian Explosion is this point in the fossil record where all these different types of complex organisms/animals appear seemingly out of nowhere. If you set up the right environment, people are free to be who they want to be. 

Like when the ocean is a very harsh unforgiving place then you end up with a lot of simple, single-cell organisms that can't expend the energy to be anything more. I'm playing fast and loose with biology but whatever. I think people and personalities are similar. When I'm stressed or worried, I'm not going to try to be a new or best version of myself. I'm mostly going to shut down and be really reactive to everything that happens. 

When I feel supported and accepted then I'm going to be my Opabinia self. That's where I've learned the most about myself and the world. 

So yeah, my goal is to work towards that.